A Heart's Savior
by newfoundlove
Summary: AU/Human. A blustery night in Chicago, Bella was saved from an attack by a handsome stranger, a stranger with his own issues, a broken heart. Can Bella take down the walls he so expertly crafted? BxE, RxE, JxA. Rated M for sexual themes and strong lang.
1. Prologue

**A Heart's Savior **

Prologue

_The Pity of Love_

A pity beyond all telling

Is hid in the heart of love:

The folk who are buying and selling,

The clouds on their journey above,

The cold wet winds ever blowing,

And the shadowy hazel grove

Where mouse-grey waters are flowing,

Threaten the head that I love.

_W. B. Yeats_

So dear I love him that with

him all deaths I could endure,

without him live no life.

_John Milton_


	2. Unpleasant Meetings

**Chapter 1: Unpleasant Meetings**

Ring…ring…ring…" you have reached Alice's voicemail, leave me a message and I'll get right back to you. Thanks!" I snapped the phone shut. Where could she be? She was supposed to meet me here forty-five minutes ago.

"Miss, would you like any more coffee?" I glanced up to see my waitress hovering over with a fresh pot.

"No, I'm all set, thanks. Just the bill when you have a chance." I let out a big, frustrated sigh. The waitress brought over the check. I threw a five on the table and stood up to put my coat on. _God, Alice_! I cursed internally. She better have a good reason for this and it better not involve some sort of sale. I wound my scarf around my neck a few times, pulled the collar up on my jacket up as I stepped out onto the blustery Chicago streets.

I looked up at the street signs to get my bearings. I wasn't entirely familiar with this area of the city - I had only come here to meet Alice after she was done with a work dinner. I was fairly certain if I walked a few blocks east I could pick up the L back to our apartment. The wind was whipping in a frenzy causing my hair to whirl all around my head. _Damn you Alice Cullen_.

I walked a few blocks and did in fact see the familiar globes that marked the train entrance. I glanced at my watch, ten o'clock. I suddenly realized it was much later than I was comfortable with being out alone. I instinctively wrapped my fingers around the keys in my coat pocket while focusing on the little globes that would be my salvation from the cold.

The normally lively streets were dead from the unpleasant weather. Just one more block to go I told myself. I picked up my pace, as I buried my face deeper into my scarf, leaving only my eyes exposed, attempting to block the onslaught of frigid air. I felt a tight grip on my upper arm and before I could register what was happening I was being forcefully pulled to my left into an alleyway. I opened my mouth to scream and felt a cold hand muffle it.

"Don't make a sound and you'll be fine missy." A low, threatening voice rumbled in my ear. My heart was pounding so hard I could barely make out the words. I felt the blood and adrenaline pulsing through me, beating in my skull, as I kicked my leg behind me, praying I made contact. My arms were held tight behind my back with his one arm. I knew he was much larger than me.

"Ah, Ah. I wouldn't do that if I were you. I'm not the type that likes a fight. Just let me have what I want." He snickered, his breath saturated with whiskey and cigarettes.

Oh god, all this time living in the city and this was how it was going to happen. I was going to be one of those sad reports I've seen on the morning news about a body found in a dumpster weeks after it had been so haphazardly tossed in there, like left over Chinese food.

I felt his grip tighten around my arms and neck as he dragged my flailing form further away from the main street. It was growing difficult to take in a breath. This can't be it! I have barely lived my life. I can't go out this way. I felt a renewed strength in me as I writhed in his constricting grasp - attempting to recall what I learned in self-defense class in gym years ago. There was a sharp tug and I staggered backwards.

Then he was gone.

I heard a loud thud behind me. It all felt too surreal. At any moment I was certain I would wake up as I stood there in a daze.

I felt another set of hands firmly on my shoulders. I knew there was a person standing in from of me. I saw his lips moving and I felt my brows furrow in confusion as I attempted to focus on his face. His breath was sweet as it lingered in my agape mouth. But I couldn't for the life of me make out what he was saying. Then the noises started to fade in. "Miss. Miss. Are you okay?" The velvety voice urgently asked me. Was I okay? I nodded my head weakly, not certain that was the correct answer.

I looked past the man's face, which was very close to mine, still slightly shaking my shoulders, to see another man lying on the ground in the alley. I made another futile attempt to refocus on the person in front of me, my instincts told me was good, safe, but the last thing I remember was feeling my feet leave the ground.

"Bella, Bella, oh God Bella I'm so sorry." My hand was being squeezed as I cracked one eye open to see my best friend in hysterical tears hovering over me. I took a hard swallow and looked around the room. Where the hell was I?

"Bella, please talk to me." She pleaded. There was a rhythmic beeping behind me.

"Where am I?" I squeaked out.

"You're at Northwestern Memorial Hospital." I looked past Alice's black, spiky hair to Jasper standing behind her, looking strong and stoic as ever. That made sense. As I surveyed my surroundings, it did look like a hospital, smelled like one too, yuck.

"What happened?" I asked, finding my voice a little more, but stopping short at the tightness constricting on my throat.

"You were attacked on your way home from the coffee shop I was supposed to meet you at. I totally forgot, I got caught up at work, and I didn't get any of your messages. Bella, I am so sorry…" I saw Jasper's hands rubbing Alice's shoulders reassuringly as she fought to control her tears. I reached over with my other hand, feeling a tug as I did. I looked down to see an IV attached to me. I pulled a little more and placed my hand over Alice's.

"Alice, it's okay." I took another hard swallow. "I'm okay." I said reassuringly, finally feeling like I was slightly coherent, the evening's events resurfacing in bits and pieces.

"There was a man. I think he saved me," with uncertainty, looking from Alice to Jasper.

"There was a guy that brought you in. We didn't see him. He left as soon as we got here." Alice said a little more calmly. Obviously realizing that I hadn't totally lost it.

"Did he leave his name?" I hesitated, not sure I was able to voice the next thought. "I think…I would be dead if it weren't for him," in a murmur. They both shook their heads.

There was a knock at the door and a nurse entered. "Hi hon. How are you feeling?" She asked sweetly as she came over to the side of the bed opposite Alice and Jasper.

"Um, alright I guess. Tired and my throat is tight." I said in hoarse whisper.

She placed her index and middle fingers on my wrist and was staring at her watch. Then looked up, "the doctor gave you some meds to settle you, that's why you are tired. And, your throat is going to be sore for a few days. That wretched man must have had a tight grip on you." She said with a sad voice, "you are very lucky sweetheart," while shaking her head.

"Yes, I suppose I am," more to myself than her. "Do you know who brought me in, did he leave a name?" The nurse's kind gaze met my slightly drugged one. "It was Dr. Masen hon."

I hadn't really expected her to know of him. "Do you know how I can find him? I would like to thank him, for well, saving my life." I asked, becoming ever more certain that if he hadn't arrived when he did I would have been another morning news statistic.

"I can't tell you where he lives, for privacy reasons, but I can tell you he is a resident at the Children's Memorial Hospital, but he is here pretty frequently checking on patients." She replied. "I will be back to check on you in a few hours. Try to get some rest," then exited the room, closing the door behind her.

I looked back at Alice who was still sniffling. "I need to find him. To thank him." I said.

"We will Bella. But right now you need to rest." Jasper said in his perpetually calm tone. I nodded in acceptance. He didn't need to say it again as I felt my eyelids start to droop and then blackness overtook me.

I was coming to as the sounds in my room became more acute. There was warmth on my face and exposed arms, cracking my eyes open to see the sun streaming through the window onto my bed. It felt wonderful, like I was lying in a warm bubble bath.

"Good morning Ms. Swan." Chimed a nurse as she pushed open the door, carrying a three-ringed binder. It was a different woman from last night.

"Morning," I replied hoarsely. I instinctively brought my hand to my throat at the tenderness.

"You're going to be sore for a few days. If you are feeling okay otherwise, the doctor said you could be discharged this morning. Do you have anyone that could help you get home?" She asked sweetly as she fiddled with the IV bags that hung next to my bed.

"Um, yes, I just need to call her." I said still slightly in a daze. I had slept so hard. It must have been the medication they gave me. I had the strangest dreams about the man that saved me. I kept trying to see his face, but it was like a blank mask, no facial features at all and when I called his name, he ran further away from me back down the alley. I chased after him, reaching out in front of me, but then was swallowed by darkness and had to retreat.

"Bella?" A soft, familiar voice asked from the other side of the door.

"Hi Alice," I replied while pushing myself up in the bed. She came over to the side of my bed. Her big doe-like eyes encircled in red from crying.

"Alice. It's all right. I'm okay." I said with raised eyebrows. "I know Bella, but what if that guy…" I cut her off, "No what if's. I'm okay. No need to talk about it any more. I just want to go home."

"Alright," she replied hesitantly while fingering the edge of my blanket. "Jasper is parking the car and will be up in a minute."

We arrived back at our apartment by noon. The hospital discharge process taking longer than planned since they insisted on escorting me down to the parking area in a wheelchair, even though I was perfectly capable of walking. The attending doctor had sent me off with a prescription for a painkiller and something to help me sleep in case I was feeling anxious. If only he knew how many times my life had come close to ending during my short twenty-four years on this earth. Anxious I was not, exhausted, that was another story.

"I rented lots of movies and told work I wasn't coming in today." Alice said while plopping herself on the couch next to me.

"You didn't have to do that. I will be fine on my own." I said pulling the blanket up around my neck.

"I know. But I wanted to." She replied looking up at me through her thick black lashes.

"Alice stop feeling guilty. What happened is not your fault." I said with finality, hopefully getting across the point that I had no interest in discussing last night any further. "But I do want to find the guy that saved me and at the very least thank him personally. I know that is minimal compared to what he did for me, but still, I need to do something."

"Well, that nurse said he works at the children's hospital. We could go by there tomorrow and see if anyone will tell us his schedule." She said with a shrug as she got up to put in a movie. I saw the opening credits of Bridget Jones' Diary and once again felt my eyelids involuntarily slide shut.

The next morning came and I felt like a new woman. Apparently the painkillers did the trick because I didn't move from the couch all night. When I woke my throat was considerably better. I looked around the living room for Alice, but didn't see her. I slowly trudged from the couch into our little kitchen, blanket draped around my shoulders. There was a post-it note on the fridge – _went to get coffee and bagels, be back in 15._

That was sweet of her and a bagel did sound really good. I hadn't eaten much yesterday.

"How am I going to find him? I can't just go wander around the hospital and hope that he is there?" I said between bites of bagel.

Alice pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, dialed a number and held it to her ear. "The number for Children's Memorial Hospital, Chicago, IL, please." She paused while she was being connected. "Yes, I was wondering if you could help me?" She said in her sweetest voice. "Is there a Doctor Masen that works there?" She looked at me and nodded. "Edward? Yes, Edward." She said in agreement. We hadn't known his first name. Edward. I felt my stomach doing little flips. "Can you tell me if he is working today? This is an old friend and I would really love to stop by and say hello while I am in town." Battering her eyelashes as if the person on the other line could see them. "Okay, wonderful. I will come by then. Thank you very much," flipping her phone shut. I sat there with baited breath as she took another bite of her bagel.

"Well?!"

"He comes in at noon and will be there all night." She smiled at me. I glanced at the clock on the microwave - it was already ten. We had two hours to get cleaned up and then make our way across town to the hospital.

We were getting into Alice's yellow VW Beatle. "Do remember what he looks like at all?" She asked as we pulled off of our street.

I shrugged, "Not really. I know he was quite a bit taller than me. I remember trying really hard to focus on his face when he was talking to me, but I just couldn't. His eyes were light, I think, hard to tell in the dark. I must have been in shock or something. I do remember that his breath smelled really good." Of all of the stupid things to remember about my savior, I remembered that. Typical.

"I called your professor and let her know that you had the flu and hadn't been out of bed all week. She said not to worry about your meeting and to call her on Monday." Alice said casually as she drove out onto the main road.

"Wow, thanks Alice. I had actually completely forgotten about it. My brain feels so fuzzy on these meds." I said shaking it as if I were going to hear something rattling in there. Alice was normally a caring and sweet roommate – but I ascertained she was consumed by guilt at what happened - hence all of the extra gestures.

We arrived at the visitor's parking lot of the hospital by quarter after twelve. I wasn't sure why, but my stomach started doing flips again. What was I going to say to this guy? Mere words seemed inconsequential to what he had done for me.

"Oh, the gift shop! You should get him flowers." She said with excitement.

"Really?" I questioned.

"Yes. It obviously doesn't come close to what he did for you, but it's better than nothing. And who doesn't love to get flowers!" She replied with glee as she ran into the small store and started examining the bouquets. I walked over to her, knowing there was no use in fighting her. If she thought his man, who risked his own life to save mine from a sleazy drunk would like flowers, so be it. I didn't have any better ideas.

I paid for the flowers - it was a mixed bouquet of Gerber Daisies, very cheery. Given the fact that this building was full of sick and dying children, seemed completely inappropriate. We walked over to the elderly woman sitting at the information desks directing traffic.

"Can you tell me where I can find Dr. Edward Masen?" I inquired.

She glanced down at a piece of paper on the desk. "Dr. Masen is on the third floor, pediatric cardiology. Take the purple elevators to your left and you will see the signs when you get off." She smiled.

"Thank you." I replied as Alice hooked her tiny arm in mine to pull me towards the elevators. For such a little thing, she sure could really throw her weight into it.

"Alice, what am I going to say to him? All I have are these stupid flowers." I said as I let them dangle at my side, my stomach in knots.

"I'm not sure there's much you can say Bella other than to thank him for what he did. I am certain that anyone that would put themselves in harms way to save a complete stranger and then not even stick around to claim the glory, will be perfectly happy with a thank you." She said while placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder just as the elevator doors opened up to the third floor. We saw the signs that pointed to the left for the cardiac wing. As we passed through a set of double doors, there was a nurse sitting at a computer.

"Excuse me." I asked timidly.

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"Can you tell me where I can find Dr. Edward Masen?" She didn't answer me immediately but looked at the bouquet of flowers in my hand, then to Alice's anticipatory face, and finally back to me. She seemed to be fighting an internal battle as to whether to tell us where he was. Obviously we didn't know him or we would just walk around and find him.

She let out a sigh before she answered. "Dr. Masen is in with a patient. But if you ladies would like to have a seat, he should be out in just a few minutes." She gestured to the three seats positioned against the wall next to the desk.

"Okay, thank you." Alice and I sat down and waited in silence. I began bouncing my knee with apprehension as I stared down at the flowers in my lap. Flowers. What a stupid idea. Alice nudged me with her elbow and I looked up to see a man walk out of a patient's room a couple of doors down. I looked up at the nurse with questioning eyes and she gave me a small nod of affirmation. That was Dr. Masen. He _was_ tall. Alice elbowed me even harder to spur me on. "Okay, okay." I said in a firm whisper.

He was standing at a flip down shelf just outside the patient's room writing something in their medical chart. He was looking down, seemingly deep in concentration. I couldn't see his face, he was slightly angled away, but he had auburn hair with a slight wave to it that looked like it probably flopped in his face. He was wearing a white doctor's coat over dress pants and had a stethoscope around his neck. I also noticed he has a small stuffed animal hanging out of his coat pocket.

I hesitantly walked up to him. He didn't seem to notice my approach as he continued writing in the chart. "Excuse me. Dr. Masen?" I said in a timid voice. His head rose and as I predicted his chaotic hair flopped down on his forehead as he looked at me expectantly. The first thing I noticed about him were his bright green eyes, they were beautiful, but sad.

"I don't know if you remember me. My name is Bella Swan. You, um, saved me from that bum in the alley the other night." I could barely choke out the words as my gaze fell to the floor disconnecting from his very intense eyes. They made me slightly uncomfortable. I glanced back up at this face and was puzzled by his expression. Did he look angry?

I continued talking when he didn't respond, "I wanted to thank you. I brought you these flowers." I shoved the flowers at him as he slowly looked down at them but made no motion to take them. He had such an incredulous expression. I felt my face go flush with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. Who doesn't respond to that, or take the flowers that someone shoves in their face?

I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. It felt like minutes had passed when in reality it was probably only a few second. My internal frustration was building and I felt anger-fed tears building behind my eyes. Just as I was about to walk away, he lifted his hand and took the flowers out of my hands.

"You're welcome." He said simply. His voice was unexpectedly smooth and deep. It didn't match his facial expression – which still held slightly furrowed brows. He was looking at me like I was a talking monkey.

"Thank you again for doing that for me. It was very nice of you." I said with more confidence. Sensing the conversation was going nowhere I started to turn around to leave. I looked at Alice and she gave me a little confused shrug as she got up from the bench. She recognized the anger on my red face.

I quickly walked down the hall, feeling his eyes on my hasty retreat as Alice doubled her steps to catch up. We got onto the elevator and I nearly exploded with frustration.

"What the hell was that? Who responds that way? Who saves someone from being raped or even worse and then barely acknowledges them when she tries to thank them?" Alice just let me rant and blow off my steam. I stomped to the car, internally cursing this savior of mine who apparently had some kind of social disorder. How is he a doctor anyway?

I slammed the car door and childishly folded my arms across my chest while I waited for Alice to get in. We drove for a few minutes in silence. I knew it was killing her to keep quiet.

"Maybe he was just taken off guard." She commented, reaching at straws. She quickly looked at me from the corner of her eye. "He was very cute," with a smirk.

"He was an ass!"

When we got home Alice left me to sulk in my room. I was beginning to calm down a little, feeling like I had done all I could. I couldn't understand his behavior, but at least I was able to thank him and make my peace. As my anger faded, visions kept flashing through my mind, of his face, the way he seemed to be examining me. His eyes were so full of emotion, like deep pools, and indescribably sad. I would imagine that working at a children's hospital would be emotionally trying, especially in the cardiac wing. Any child that was there must be very ill. I closed my eyes as I felt the emotional weight of the day take its toll on me. All I saw in the darkness of my closed lids was his face. I would never admit it to anyone, but it was beautiful. Like it had been chiseled out of stone by a master sculptor. Every line from his full lips to his defined jaw was perfection.

But it didn't matter, because apparently, he had a screw loose.


	3. Odd

**Chapter 2: Odd**

By Monday everything had returned to normal. I spent the weekend indoors catching up on work for school. I was in my second year of my Masters program at Northwestern. I went in to meet with my professor who I was studying under and thankfully was able to keep up the facade that I had been ill. I am normally such a horrible liar, but this time, I didn't want anyone to find out what happened to me. So, I put on my best act. The week flew uneventfully. Alice, upon seeing that I was truly okay, had been spending most nights at Jasper's apartment. It was Friday afternoon and I still had no idea what I was going to do with myself this weekend.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chimed as she walked in the door. I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea.

"Hey. How was your day dear?" I replied cheekily.

"It was fine. Glad it's over and the weekend is here. Hey, speaking of that. Jasper is having a party at this apartment tomorrow for St. Patrick's Day and you're coming." She said with finality.

"Ugh, Alice, you know how I hate parties. I don't do well with those kinds of scenes." I said as I trudged over to the couch where she was sitting by now.

"I know. But you really need to get out and it's not going to be anything big, just some friends from work and his building - very casual." Having known Alice since high school, and her stubborn ways, I internally acknowledged that there was no use in fighting her.

"Okay. But you're not going to dress me up in green." I said with as much sternness as I could muster.

She let out a little chuckle, "silly Bella," while pushing herself off of the couch and shaking her head. She was going to dress me and there was no way around it.

Saturday night rolled around and Alice and I were beginning preparations for the evening's events.

"I thought you said it was casual?" I said in my whiniest voice as she laid out slim black pants and an emerald green v-neck sweater – which was very pretty.

She rolled her eyes at me, "it is, but that doesn't mean you can go in your sweats," while turning around and walking back to her room. "And don't even think of not drying your hair!" She yelled from her room. Damn! That girl knew me too well. I was definitely a follower of less is more when it came to getting myself ready. I didn't purposefully dress sloppy. I just tended to lean towards comfy, practical clothes. Being around academia, it was hard to justify an expensive wardrobe when everyone's staple was jeans and a sweater.

Once I was dressed I had to admit that the little bit of extra effort was worth it. We arrived at Jasper's apartment an hour and a half later at eight o'clock. As we stepped off of the elevators, I heard the bass of the music thumping through the walls.

"Nothing big, right?" I said skeptically, eyeing Alice. We pushed open his door to discover about fifty people crowding his living room and kitchen. "It may have grown a little since yesterday." She replied with apologetic expression as she made her way across the room to Jasper. Everyone was sectioned off in little groups of two or three talking. I quickly scanned the room and concluded I didn't know anyone. Great. This is going to be such a fun night.

I made my way into the kitchen to get a drink. "Hi Bella," Jasper said with Alice at his side, his arm tightly around her little waist. "Hey Jasper. Quite a little gathering you have here." I commented while scowling at Alice, who gave me a sheepish grin.

"Yeah, you know how it is. You invite one - they all come. How are you feeling by the way?" He asked considerately. He has always been very sweet to me.

"Fine, just like new, thanks." I said as I poured myself a glass of white wine. Jasper was leaning down and whispering something in Alice's ear as she giggled like a schoolgirl. Their obvious affection used to make me uncomfortable, and possibly a little jealous, but I was accustomed to it now. They were like two peas in a pod. One just didn't make sense without the other.

I made my way out of the kitchen into the living room where some guests were playing Guitar Hero on the Wii. I chuckled as I watched a girl shake her booty with no shame to Pat Benatar. I spotted an open chair by the window and started walking towards it to watch the show when I was stopped dead in my tracks. Standing by the window, with his back to the crowd, was Dr. Masen. I couldn't see all of his face, but I would know that hair anywhere. That hair had been in my dreams every night this week - that hair and his disbelieving, scowl-filled face. I felt a wave of anxiety hit me and thought I might throw up.

I ran back into the kitchen where Alice and Jasper were still standing. "Bella what's wrong? You look like you are going to be sick." Alice asked slightly frantic. I looked up at her and then my eyes led her gaze through the pass-through from the kitchen to the living room.

"Oh!" She replied with almost as much shock as I was feeling. I nodded my head, unable to speak. "Are you sure?" I nodded again.

"Who are you talking about?" Jasper asked as he saw us staring at the back of a man's head. Alice motioned with her tiny hand for him to bend down as she whispered in his ear. The same shock we felt colored his face. "That's the guy that saved you and then was so rude to you?" He asked dubiously.

I nodded again, still trying to push back the bile in my throat. Since I had seen him at the hospital last week my feelings went from anger to frustration to confusion then simply to embarrassment. Maybe once he has gotten a good look at me he realized I wasn't someone really worth saving, that I was nothing special. I certainly knew that. I was now convinced he was as well.

"I didn't catch his last name. He came with my friend Emmett who lives upstairs. He just said his name was Edward and that he was his brother-in-law. He hasn't spoken to anyone except Emmett since he got here." Jasper said looking from Alice to me. I looked over at Edward, still staring out of the window over the city, oblivious to the party that was occurring mere feet from his back.

"Hey Emmett!" I heard Jasper call to someone behind me.

"Yeah," the deep voice responded. I turned around to see a very large, muscular man, with a surprisingly boyish grin. I felt my neck crane back to look up at him as he came into the kitchen.

"Is your brother-in-laws' last name Masen?" Jasper asked.

Emmett nodded, "Yup, Dr. Edward Masen. Why?" His brows knit together with confusion as he looked from Jasper to Alice to my face.

"Well it seems that he was the guy that saved my friend Bella here; remember me telling you about that?" Jasper inquired.

"Really? Edward?" Emmett replied with confusion, his thick brows furrowing. "I mean, I know he is a good doctor and all, but super hero I wouldn't have pegged him for. He seems scared of his own shadow sometimes." He looked down at me with a grin.

"Hi, I'm Emmett," holding out a big, thick hand.

"Hello, Bella." I said timidly testing my voice to ensure that sound was all that was going to come out. Before I knew what was happening. "Hey Edward, there's someone over here that knows you." Emmett yelled into the other room. I felt my face flush, as Edward swung around with more grace than I thought possible for a man, to look at Emmett, then let his eyes fall onto me next to him. The amount of changes that occurred in his expression in the few seconds that our eyes connected was hard to comprehend. First, obvious shock, then a flash of what I would guess was anger, finally to seeming indifference – it was expressionless. I was certain I knew what my face betrayed – incredulity.

I felt Emmett's big hand waving above my head motioning Edward into the kitchen. I swiftly turned to Alice, "Oh God Alice. He's coming over here. What the hell am I going to do?" I frantically asked as I threw back the rest of my wine. She looked back at me with her big-doe eyes and shook her head in uncertainty.

Edward made his way into the kitchen and locked his gaze on me. I tried with all my will power to look away, to remember that I was angry with him for how he acted and that he obviously didn't see me as a worthy damsel in distress, but I couldn't. I was incapable of looking away from his striking eyes. They seemed to suck me in, even with their disbelieving expression.

"Edward, I believe you know Bella here." Emmett said with a knowing smirk, like there was some inside joke I wasn't privy to. "And this is her roommate Alice, Jasper's girlfriend." Emmett said while holding a hand to each of us. He then clamped a hand on Edward's shoulder, who stood almost as tall as him, "I hear we have a hero in the family now." Emmett said with a little chuckle.

Edward let out a, "humph, hardly." While unlocking from my unabashed stare and letting his gaze fall to the floor, shoving his hands in his jeans' pockets.

"Now don't be modest Eddie. Jasper told me what you did for Bella and that was pretty noble." Emmett said with more sincerity.

Edward's eyes slowly rose from the floor to meet my expectant face, "I didn't do anything anyone else wouldn't have if they saw what was happening," he said in a serious voice, barely above a whisper, as if only speaking to himself. I noticed that a small grin playing on his chiseled face. I felt like the wind was being sucked out of me as I stared at the beauty of his features.

I shook my head slightly to clear it. _No Bella! He was an ass!!!_ I finally broke his gaze and turned to fill my wine glass from the bottle on the counter.

"Well, thank you for doing that for my friend. I can't tell you how much more pleasant it was to get a call from the hospital as opposed to the morgue." Alice said with sincerity to Edward. He bashfully nodded his head in response.

Emmett shook his shoulder a little, "Edward here, isn't a man of many words." He said jokingly, but I could tell he cared for him. Edward looked at his brother-in-law with an exasperated expression. I concentrated on drinking my wine as I fought an internal battle. There were a few moments of silence and then Emmett and Jasper started talking about the latest basketball stats.

"Ms. Swan? Could I speak with you for a moment?" I looked up to meet Edward's expectant face then glanced quickly at Alice who looked as confused as I did.

"Um, sure." I stammered as he turned around to leave the kitchen and walk down the hall where the music wasn't as loud.

I stopped a few feet from him as he leaned up against the wall, his hands shoved in his jeans' pockets again. I was about to ask what he wanted - my stubborn brain forcing me to remember how upset I was that day in the hospital at his reaction to my gratefulness.

"I wanted to apologize to you…for how I behaved last week at the hospital." His head bowed as he spoke, his hair swaying a bit with his movements. Then his eyes rose, locking me in. "It was…deplorable."

Wait, was he apologizing to me? At my silence, he continued. "I was just taken off guard. I didn't think I would ever see you again, especially at my hospital." He paused. I felt myself being sucked in again by the smoothness of his deep voice and the unimaginable penetration of his gaze. "Well, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I don't normally behave so poorly," with that same mischievous grin.

I just stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to answer him. I felt the wine making my brain a little fuzzy at all that was transpiring. I felt as though I needed to reassure him, "I shouldn't have come to your work like that. I just didn't know how else to find you… to thank you." Why was _I_ apologizing to _him_? I knew why, I felt like I couldn't stay angry with him, as much as my mother's stubborn streak tried to stay true, I just couldn't. All I could do was look at his gorgeous face.

He shook his head allowing his hair to flop all around. "Please don't thank me. Like I said, I didn't do anything anyone else wouldn't have." He said in all seriousness.

"Oh I don't believe that." I scoffed. "There are a lot of really crappy people in this world. I believe that your fist connected with the face of one of them that night." I let out a little chuckle, letting my mood lighten a little, as I unintentionally looked down at his hands. I noticed he has a small scab on his knuckles, I'm assuming from that night. Hoping he wasn't the type that went around and started fights in bars to feel more like a man.

"Thank you Ms. Swan, for accepting my apology. I have felt terrible since that day."

"Oh please, call me Bella." I smiled. "So, now that we have cleared the air, friends?"

"Okay, Bella." The sound of my name being spoken by his voice was a like a deep lyrical kiss to my ears. "I would like very much for us to be friends…but I'm not sure that is the best idea. I don't think that I would make a very good friend." I felt my heart drop to my stomach. "It was nice to run into you again, under better circumstances, but I must be going. I have an early shift at the hospital. Have a good rest of your evening." He said bowing his head slightly, but never breaking our gaze. Once again I felt everything going inexplicably fuzzy. Then he looked away, over to Emmett in the kitchen.

"Yes, you too," I waved my hand slightly as he turned to say goodbye to his brother-in-law. Emmett appeared to be telling a rather animated story, his burly arms waved over everyone's heads, the boom of his laughter filling the apartment. I stood leaning against the wall watching the conversation in the other room. Alice saw me and wiggled her way out of Jasper's arms to come over.

"What did he say?" with a cautious tone. I didn't answer her, as I was transfixed on Edward in the kitchen, quietly standing next to Emmett, assumingly waiting for him to finish so he could say his farewell. We had exchanged very few words and yet I couldn't take my eyes off of him. There was something indescribable about him.

"Hello? Earth to Bella," Alice said placing her hands firmly on her hips in frustration.

"Um, he just wanted to…" My eyes were following him out the other kitchen entrance into the living room. I felt my neck involuntarily twist around to watch him walk out the front door.

"Bella! He wanted to what?"

"Oh, sorry. He apologized for being so rude at the hospital. He said he was taken off guard and that he hadn't expected to ever see me again." I finished quickly appeasing her. I purposefully left out the part where he said he didn't want to be my friend, or rather wouldn't make a good friend. I wasn't certain how I was supposed to react to that, so I tucked it away for later evaluation.

"Well that was nice of him. He was rude that day. Did you say you forgave him?"

"Yes, of course. What else was I going to say? That he pissed me of so bad that I dreamed about him every night for a week!" with exasperation.

"You didn't tell me that!" Alice proclaimed. "What kind of dreams were they?" She asked with a mischievous grin.

"Alice, they were nothing like that. I don't know. I don't really remember them. Forget I said anything. I'm going to go home now. That wine went straight to my head."

"If I call you a cab are okay going home by yourself? I want to say with Jasper tonight," she said with pleading eyes, "but only if you're okay with it." She added quickly.

"Yes, that's fine. Tell them I will be outside in two minutes." Alice flitted off to make the call to the cab company.

When I arrived home, I peeled my layers of clothes off as I walked to my bedroom, finally throwing myself on my bed in only my underwear. The wine, in combination with not eating, had made me feel weird and I quickly succumb to sleep. As I closed my eyes, visions of Edward's face flashed before me, alternating between his bewildered glare and that breathtaking smile. In the few words that we had exchanged, I had felt my heart speed up and stop all in the same few minutes. Odd.


	4. Chinese Takeout

**Chapter 3: Chinese Takeout**

Over the next week I threw myself back into my schoolwork. I was in the beginning phases of my Master's Thesis and every time I thought about the daunting process, I wanted to bury my head somewhere, or clean, whatever I could do to procrastinate. I'm not sure exactly how I got on this course, but all of the sudden completing this program in Comparative Literature seemed like I bit off more than I could chew. And to think when I started I had imagined going on to the PhD program. Hah, yeah right.

"Alice, are you home?" I called as I walked into the apartment on the following Friday. No response. I guess not. What am I going to do for the rest of the day? It was only two o'clock and I couldn't bear to yield to schoolwork right now. My friend Angela from school had given me a new book to check out. Maybe I'll walk to the coffee shop and start it while I wait for Alice to come home and tell me what I am doing for the rest of the night. Sad I know, but it was my reality.

I left my apartment ten minutes later and walked the three blocks to our favorite coffee shop, The Grind. As I was rounding the final corner, I felt my cell phone vibrating in my coat pocket.

"Hi Alice," I answered as I continued walking.

"Whatcha doing?"

"About to walk into the coffee shop and read a little. I am avoiding my work. But it's Friday afternoon and just can't bring myself to keep going. My brain hurts." I chuckled.

"What are you plans tonight?" She asked casually, but I sensed an ulterior motive in her voice. I knew that inflection all too well.

"Ha, you know me Alice; if you don't know my plans then I don't have any."

"That's very true. Well good. I have made plans for us then. We are going on a double date!" She exclaimed as I groaned.

"Alice, please, no. I can't be set up any more, it never works out. Just spare me the agony." I responded in my most childish tone.

"No Bella. It has been far too long since you have entertained the company of the opposite sex. Jasper said there is this really nice guy at work, Tyler, who is new to the city. I know the last few haven't been your prince charming, but you'll never know unless you try. Don't you want to find someone that you can spend your forever with, like Jasper and me?" Oh, she was pulling out all of the stops now. She knew damn well I longed to find that person, but I wasn't going to compromise just because I hadn't met him yet.

She took my silence as acceptance. "Good. We are meeting them out at eight at Mex. So, don't even try to fight me, you're going. See you at our place by six!"

"Okay, bye." I groaned into the phone as I closed it and put it back in my pocket.

My last three dates had been complete disasters, boring, rude, unattractive or all of the above. For the last two months, I hadn't even bothered trying to meet anyone. It just wasn't worth the self-inflicted torment. But if I didn't give into Alice now, I would hear about it for a week. In comparison, one evening now, no matter how bad, was preferred to a week of torture.

I pulled the door open to the coffee shop and got in line.

"Hi Bella, what's new?" asked Peter, the owner of the place. Peter was in his late twenties and had that scruffy, cute guy thing going, flannel shirts and all - definitely looked more west coast than mid-west, but it worked for him.

"Not much, I've just been buried in school work trying to get my thesis started. Thought I would take a break and start this new book Angela gave me." I replied as I held it up.

"I've heard that's a good one. Quick read. What can I get you?"

"A tall latte please."

I retrieve my coffee from Peter when it was done and went to settle in my favorite overstuffed leather chair at the back of the restaurant. Taking a sip of my beverage and sighed happily as I cracked the book open, I loved that sound. With my eyes closed, I brought the book up to my nose to smell the clean, crisp paper – ah, pure joy.

"Bella?" His velvety voice shook me out of my reverie like a cold bucket of water. My eyes popped open in surprise and slowly drew up to see Edward standing over me.

"Hi…Edward…how are you?" I managed to stammer out as I collected myself, putting the book on my lap. My heart was inexplicable racing at seeing him again. The idea that he didn't want to be my friend tried to push its way to the surface, but I ignored it.

"I'm well, thank you. Do you mind if I join you?" He asked motioning to the empty chair next to me. My brain froze. Did I mind? I wasn't sure. I wasn't able to think quickly enough of a reason why not, so I conceded.

"Of course not, please." He gracefully folded his long, lean body into the leather chair.

There was a pause of silence as I took another sip of coffee. "Do you come here often?" He asked casually.

I nodded as I put my cup back on the side table, "yes, it is right around the corner from Alice and my apartment. You?"

"Actually, this is my first time. I had driven by a few times and had wanted to stop in, but am just now finding the time. I _finally_ have a day off."

"You're in your residence program, right?" I recalled the nurse saying.

He nodded, "second year."

"And you are specializing in pediatrics?"

"Pediatric cardiology actually. I was very fortune to be accepted into the program at Children's Memorial through Northwestern." He said earnestly.

"Wow, that's impressive. Pediatric cardiology. What made you decide to specialize in that?" I inquired, having no clue what drew one to such a daunting profession as being a physician, much less having the responsibility of operating on children's hearts.

Edward took another sip of his coffee and lowered the cup back down, securely holding it between his long fingers, resting on his leg. He was hesitating, deciding I am assuming.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want. I hadn't meant to pry." My voice trailed off in embarrassment as my eyes lowered to my cup, fidgeting with the lid, but he stopped me.

"No, no sorry, I don't mind. I just haven't talked about it in a long time." He took a deep breath before continuing. "When I was younger I had a heart condition and had to have open-heart surgery. At the time it was a very advanced procedure, but it was successful and saved my life. Otherwise, I could have sat on the transplant list for years. Viable donors are slim in pediatrics." He said wistfully, his alluring green eyes shimmering in the dim light of the coffee shop. I once again felt myself being draw into them like a drug addict to his heroine – inescapably. "When I decided to follow in my father's foot steps and become a physician, I knew this was the field I wanted to pursue." He added with a shrug.

I wasn't sure what to say. I had never met anyone that had such an emotionally driven reason to go into their line of work. A pediatric cardiologist and a modest hero, oh, and breathtakingly good-looking. What's the catch?

"What about you? What do you do?" He inquired with a tone that implied he actually wanted to know - wasn't just being polite.

"I am in my second year of my Master's program in Comparative Literature at Northwestern." Suddenly my academic undertaking didn't seem nearly as daunting.

"That's an interesting line of study." He commented sincerely.

"Well, I've found it interesting so far, though more work than I had thought. When I started the program I had aspirations to continue on to get my PhD, but now I'm not so sure."

Trying to move the focus away from me, I had never been one to be comfortable talking about myself. "My roommate Alice's father is a physician as well, general practice though. You're parents must be very proud of you, to follow in you father's footsteps." I added.

As soon as the words finished their dance out of my mouth, I saw his hand tighten around his paper coffee cup and his eyes instantaneously glazed over, becoming distant, like when I met him in the hospital. I sat there for a few moments, unsure of what to do or what I said wrong.

I began to open my mouth to apologize, "I'm sorry Bella. I have to go." Edward said abruptly and swiftly stood up. Before I could even respond he was walking away, out the glass doors of the coffee shop. I stood there, mouth agape in shock. What just happened? Once again angry tears were betraying me - as they forced their way to the periphery of my eyes. I glanced around, feeling as though all eyes in the place were on me, but none of course were. I stood up and gathered my things and walked the few blocks back to my apartment.

As I put my keys in the door, blood still rushing from my mortification, examining each word I said to see where I went wrong.

"Bella! You're home, ready to start prepping for your date?" Alice chirped from the kitchen as I threw my keys and my purse on the side table. I slumped on the couch with my hands in my face. The conversation had been going so well, not just light meaningless banter, but interesting, genuine. After the surprise of seeing him again, I didn't think I ever would, even though in the back of my mind I had hoped, I was genuinely happy he was there, elated actually. I found myself watching every move that he made as he spoke, every twitch of his lips as they moved. The arch of his eyebrows as his expressions changed, the inflections of his deep, velvety voice. I was enraptured, then, he was gone.

"What happened to you?" Alice asked as she came out of the kitchen with two glasses of wine. I couldn't bear the thought of submitting myself to another blind date tonight. Not that I thought by any stretch there was a reason _not_ to, that _someone_ was interested in me, my nerves just weren't up to it.

She let out a huff at my silence, "come on Bella, tell me or I will force it out of you, and you know from experience that's not pretty." She waved her finger in my face. I did, I once tried to withhold information about a great date in college, just to see her reaction. Let's just say, my favorite sweats were never the same.

I lowered my hands from my face, grabbed the glass of wine from her and took a gulp. My eyes trained on the thin glass rim. Alice sat next to me patiently while I weighed my options. She was right, she would get it out of me if she wanted to, and she always does, I might as well tell her.

"I ran into Edward Masen today at The Grind." My eyes darted up to her expectant face.

"And?" she said with the wave of her little hand.

"And we were having a really nice conversation…and then he abruptly got up and left, more like ran." I took another sip of wine. As angry as I was at his actions, my heart was still racing at the thought of being near him again.

"He didn't say anything to you about why?"

"He said, 'I'm sorry Bella, I have to go' but before I could respond he was out the door. And we weren't even sitting at the front; we were in my favorite spot in the back with the leather chairs." Alice appreciates the details.

"Well, what were you talking about when it happened?"

"We were talking about his work and my school. He is in his second year of residency to be a pediatric cardiologist. I made a comment about how his parents must be proud of him because he said his dad was a physician as well." Alice got a grimacing look on her face as I finished.

"What?"

"After you left the party last week, Emmett was telling us how Edward and his twin sister Rosalie lost their parents when they were younger. I think he said they were eighteen when they died." She said quietly.

"Ah shit, really? Leave it to me to say the absolute worst thing!" I exclaimed smacking myself in the forehead.

"Bella you didn't know. Emmett didn't say the circumstances. He just commented that they have been on their own for a while and that he and his sister aren't very close."

I didn't say anything in response, my mind racing with the repercussions of my inquiry about his parents.

"You like him, huh?" She asked with a little smirk.

"I…I don't know, I can't explain it, I feel drawn to him…that sounds stupid. It doesn't matter now. Why?"

"You may have inadvertently mentioned him last week?" She commented casually as she brought her glass to her lips.

"What do you mean?" But I knew before I had even finished asking the question – I talked about him in my sleep. I had dreamt about him several times last week. Mostly quick flashes of his face, then I was chasing after him into the alley. I felt the familiar flush of embarrassment invade my cheeks. "You didn't tell Jasper did you?" I asked frantically. She immediately shook her head.

I contorted my face, "please don't make me go on this date? I truly don't have it in me tonight," pleading with my best pout-face. She scrunched up her little nose, considering, "I guess you can't go if you have the twenty-four hour stomach bug." She said with a wink as I felt my face relax and my smile appear for the first time since Edward so abruptly left. I mouthed 'thank you' to her and took another sip of wine. She shot me back a 'you owe me look' and went to her bedroom to get dressed. I would probably have to succumb to a whole day of shopping, but it was worth it to have the night to myself.

I settled my back into the couch and began to overanalyze my conversation with Edward and how badly I felt for bringing up his parents, even though I had no idea the situation, the look on his face was difficult to push away. It was as though the mere mention of them, all these years later, still caused him the physical pain I am sure he experienced when they had first died. I was fortunate to never have experienced that level of grief since both my parents were alive and I didn't remember my grandparents.

Alice snapped me out of my reverie. "Okay, I'm off. Jasper called Tyler and told him you were sick. I told Jasper you had a really bad day at school and wouldn't have been good company anyways." She said while grabbing her keys and purse off of the side table. "Oh and before I forget, my parents invited you for Easter next week. No excuses, they haven't seen you in forever."

"That's nice of them. Tell them I can't wait." I replied, genuinely excited to see Carlisle and Esme. They lived so much closer, in Rockford, IL, than my parents, they had become surrogate parents of sorts. That and I spent almost every weekend at their house my senior year of high school.

She had her hand on the door ready to walk out when she swiftly turned around to me, almost as an after thought. "Are you going to call him?"

"Who, Edward?" I asked cynically.

"Yes Edward." She said rolling her eyes.

"Um, no. I think I am the last person he wants to talk to right now," admitting it made my bad mood start to creep back. As much as I knew it was certain, a part of me, one that I was obstinately trying to fight, wanted nothing more than to talk with him that instant.

Alice didn't respond, just shook her head and left for her date with Jasper. What was I going to do the rest of the night? My bad mood was helped in no part by my lack of eating today. I hoisted myself off of the couch and called our favorite Chinese delivery place, placed my order and had twenty minutes until they arrived. I decided to take a shower to relax and wash off the guilt.

As the water worked its magic on my tense muscles, my mind wandered back to Edward. Of the three times I had seen him, his behavior had been unpredictable to say the least, unnerving as well. Maybe he was chemically imbalanced and went off his medications. No, then he wouldn't be allowed to operate on children's hearts, or at least I would hope. Tried as I may to be upset for his rudeness, I just couldn't. There was something about him that I couldn't put my finger on, other than that I had never in my life wanted to get to know someone more than I did Edward Masen. Too bad he probably hated me now.

I hastily dried off and slipped into my favorite pair of yoga pants and long-sleeved v-neck t-shirt, ready for a night of channel surfing. The buzzer rang for the external door to the building.

"Hi, come on up." I said as I pushed the intercom button, my mouth already watering at the idea of the egg roll that was on its way up to me. There was a light rap on the front door. I grabbed my wallet as I dramatically swung it open.

I gasped. There in my hallway was Edward - a picture of perfection in a black leather jacket and jeans, holding a bouquet of flowers, and a shy smile.

"Hello Bella." My name rolling off of his tongue sounded as sweet as honey. I stood there, mouth open, hair wet and barely combed. "I'm sorry to come unannounced."

"Oh, um, that's okay. I just thought you were someone else." I stammered. My heart was beating as if I had just completed the New York City marathon.

"It's a Friday night, of course you have plans. I'm sorry to intrude. I can come back another time." He said smoothly. Before he could finish I was shaking my head.

"No," I chuckled, "I don't have plans, other than to eat Chinese food and sit on the couch. Please come in." He looked at me hesitantly as I waved him in. He must have decided I was telling the truth as he took one long step inside the apartment.

"How did you know where I live?"

"I had Emmett asked Jasper." He said softly. We stood in the doorway for a long moment. I couldn't comprehend why he would be here, at my apartment, looking as amazing as he did, with flowers in hand. Maybe he had a date with someone else in the building my confidence-lacking mind thought.

"Bella, I want to apologize for earlier today. It was once again deplorable behavior. I was very much enjoying talking with you should not have abruptly left like that. It seems like every time we meet I am apologizing for my rude actions, and I am again sorry for that." He took in a deep breath, "and I brought these for you, to hopefully make the peace if possible." He said while holding out the bouquet of what I thought were white orchids.

"Edward, please. No need to apologize, I shouldn't have brought up your parents. I didn't know that you had lost them." I said softly, finding it difficult to hold his gaze as it intensely looked down at me.

"Bella, you couldn't have known that and it was long enough ago that it shouldn't paralyze me each time they are mentioned, but it does." There was silence, the air seeming to thicken in the two feet between us - then a loud rap at the door caused my already overworked heart to startle.

"Excuse me." I said as I reached around him to open the door, in the process getting a whiff of his scent mixed with the leather jacket, it was instantly intoxicating. He stepped just inside the living room while I paid for my food.

I closed the door and turned around. "Have you eaten yet? I ordered plenty." I said holding up the brown bag.

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose." He replied earnestly.

"Of course not, have a seat and I will grab some plates and a vase for the flowers."

As I came back into the living room, I paused briefly at the mirror in the hall. Ran a hand through my hair, there's nothing I can do about it now, I thought. Edward was sitting on the couch. His coat was draped over the adjacent arm chair. He was wearing a simple white button down and dark jeans, but somehow he made it look stunning.

I handed him a plate and utensils. Dug out everything in the bag and put it on the coffee table. I took the bouquet of flowers and placed them in the vase on the side table. "They are beautiful, thank you. Are they orchids?"

"Yes, and you are welcome. It was the least I could do." He said with a small grin.

Starting to feel a little more confident since we were on home turf and possibly he didn't hate my guts, "you know Edward, you are lucky I don't hold grudges. I know you saved me and all, but I'm starting to think you are trying to get rid of me." I said with a smirk as I passed him the food.

He chuckled, "you're right. Maybe I am just trying to eradicate the undeserving super hero image that Emmett won't let go," this time granting me his breathe taking smile. We ate in silence for a few minutes while a rerun of Friends played on the TV. I kept stealing glances out of the corner of my eye at him. When we were finished I gathered up our plates and dumped them in the kitchen sink.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't ask you if you would like something to drink?" as I popped my head out of the kitchen doorway.

"If you have a beer - that would be great."

I came back in with a bottle of beer, which I handed to him, "Thank you," as I put the bottle of wine on the table. I sat down on the other side of the sofa, tucking my feet under me. I had to fight with everything in me to not reach across the sofa and touch his face, trace the chiseled curves and run my fingers through his auburn, disheveled hair.

"Where are you from Bella?" Edward asked while turning the full force of his gaze on me. I was so caught up in it for a moment I didn't register what he said. I shook the Edward haze from my brain. "I am originally from a small town in Washington called Forks, but my parents divorced when I was young and I grew up in Phoenix."

"What brought you to Chicago?" He inquired as he took a sip of his beer.

"Alice and I met in high school when I moved back to Forks my senior year. My mom got remarried and it was best if I went to live with my dad for a while. We became best friend and she was looking at colleges in Chicago because her father was transferring out here for his job. I didn't have a particular city I was looking at so I applied to Northwestern. I got accepted and completed my BA in English. Then I took a year off and worked, trying to decide that I wanted to do, finally coming to the conclusion that I enjoyed academia and started my Masters program." I finished with a small shrug. Internally acknowledging how little forethought had been put into all of it. It just seemed to fall into place so I went with it.

Edward went on to ask me question after question about myself, the entire time his eyes were locked on mine. A few times I had to look away – their force felt like he could see right into my soul, possibly even the way my heart was fluttering at his close proximity. The alluringness of his scent nearly causing me to fog over.

After two hours of comfortable conversation, though not trivial by any means, I felt as though I couldn't talk anymore, much less about myself.

"Edward, I feel terrible, all I have done it talk about myself. Tell me about you. Are you from Chicago originally?" I said casually placing my arm on the back of the couch within an inch of his.

"Yes, I was born and raised here. My sister, Rosalie and her husband Emmett, who you had the pleasure of meeting," he said with a smirk, "live here as well. They are my only family and Emmett and I are pretty close."

"You aren't close with your sister?" I asked cautiously.

He ran his hand through his hair before answering, "No, we aren't close any more," bowing his head slightly, only now breaking eyes contact.

I didn't know what to say in response. Of course I wanted to know why, but didn't want to pry, apparent that the memory of parents was still very painful.

"Bella," he said softly, still not raising his head, "there is something I want to tell you, but I am afraid it will change the way you think about me. It is such a part of who I am though, that I wouldn't feel right, not telling you, because I would really like to see you again. I feel surprisingly drawn to you, like no one else I have _ever_ met."

"Edward," I murmured softly. There was nothing that he could say that was going to change the truth. I was also indescribable attracted to him and wanted to be around him more and more, to learn every little thing there was to know about him. It made my heart soar that he could possibly feel even a fraction of what I did. He held up a hand to stop me from continuing.

"My parents died in a car accident when I was eighteen…and it was my fault." He finally raised his gaze to meet my confused one.

"What do you mean it was your fault?"

"I was driving the car. It was a rainy night and I was driving too fast. We were going over a bridge that crossed a fairly wide river on our way back from visiting some universities. I lost control of the car and it went over the bridge into the water. I wasn't wearing my seat belt so I was able to escape once we were submerged, but my parents were and they didn't make it out." His voice was wavering, on the edge of breaking. I gathered that he didn't speak of that night very often, if ever.

There was a moment of silence and I tentatively crossed the small space between our hands on the back of the couch to gently place my fingers on his. His raised his eyes to mine again. "Edward…it sounds like it was a terrible, tragic accident, not something you did on purpose." I said softly as I caressed the bag of his hand, hoping he couldn't sense the trembling of my fingers.

"You have no idea how many times people have told me that," he said shaking his head, his loose waves swaying ever so slightly, "especially right after it happened. But when your own twin sister blames you, it is hard to get past."

"That is why you aren't close?" I asked incredulously. How could a sister blame her own brother for an accident? He simply nodded. "That and I speculate that she resented me for taking our parents' attention away from her when I was sick. We had to spend so much time in hospitals dealing with my issues, Rosalie felt forgotten.

"Thankfully Emmett and I are close though. He's a good guy, even if he is a nut." He said, the corners of his lips turning up slightly, thankfully lightening the mood a little.

He took a swift breath, pulling his hand out from under my touch. I quickly retrieved mine and put it on my lap, staring down at it, unsure if I had just been rejected. "The thing is Bella, I like you, but it has been a very long time since I have allowed myself to connect with anyone." He finished in a whisper.

"I thought you said you didn't want to be my friend?" I asked skeptically, but letting a little smile play on my lips. Why would he say that if he now said he liked me?

"I _believe_ I said I wouldn't make a very good friend to you, not that I didn't want to be," his voice smooth and confident. My thoughts now befuddled and I'm certain my expression portrayed it. "I honestly don't know how to be a friend to anyone. I have been so admittedly wrapped up in my own world for so long, letting no one else in. It's not that I am self-centered, because I don't think I am, just guarded. It seems as though the people who have been close to me in my life, I have hurt them." He paused taking in a breath, "with that said, I don't feel like I have the will power to stay away from you either." His beguiling green eyes rose to meet mine, the intensity in them making my knees shake even though I was already sitting.

We sat there for a long moment, locked in each other gaze. My insides torn as to whether I should reach out of him, or run away. I didn't truly believe he hurt everyone around him. But, he certainly seemed damaged. Even with that information, I felt that I no longer had a choice.

I jumped slightly as I heard the front door open. I turned to look over the back of the couch to see Alice coming in. I checked my watch quick and realized that Edward and I had been sitting there talking for over three hours.

"Hi Bella. Hello Edward." Alice said with a knowing smirk as she walked back to kitchen. Jasper must have told her that Edward asked for our address. I'm certain she was bouncing up and down with anticipation in her bedroom right now – having walked in on our cozy scene on the couch.

Edward motioned to stand up. "Bella, I am sorry to say I must be going. I have had the whole day off and have a twelve hour shift tomorrow." I stood up, feeling my legs weak underneath me. Not certain whether I could blame it on the company or the fact that I had been sitting on them for hours.

He grabbed his jacket from the chair and put it on as he walked to the door. I followed silently behind, not sure what I wanted to say at this point. Before I had a chance to decide, he turned to me, his body the closest it had been to me since that night in the alley – which now seemed years, not weeks ago.

He put a hand on my upper arm. I felt my pulse race at his tender touch. "I would really like to see you again. Would you allow me to take you to dinner on Sunday?"

I was surprised by the certainty of my voice, "yes, I would like that." I smiled.

"Great, I will pick you up at seven then." He squeezed my arm a little, "thank you for tonight." He gently brushed the back of his hand along my cheek. My knees felt like rubber beneath me as my lungs were saturated with his intoxicating smell. When he pulled away, the only response I could manage was a weak nod. Edward walked out. I closed the door, then stood there with my fingers to my cheek where he had just brushed, sensing the pooling of blood just under the skin – my body instantly responding to his slightest touch.

"Ah hem," Alice cleared her throat from the other side of the room. She was standing in her pajamas, with her arms crossed, and a questioning expression. I turned to look at her, finally realizing that I was still touching my face.

"Spill it Ms. Swan!" She commanded as she walked over to the couch and plopped herself down. I slowly made my way to the other side of the couch and took up the same position I had been in all evening.

"Did you know he was coming over? I would guess not with the way that you are dressed, even you would have better sense than to stay in your sweats." She waved her little hand at me. I ignored her comment. "What did he say? He looked awful happy when he left? So did you…" As soon as she paused to take a breath, I held up my hand to stop her, "Alice, one at a time."

I proceeded over the next hour to tell Alice everything that had happened. I knew she would be able to tell if I edited, so it wasn't worth it to try. She didn't say much, just hugged the pillow to her chest and rocked back and forth like a wild caged animal ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness – for me to pause.

"Bella, do you like him? He is certainly different from anyone else you have dated. He's attractive for one." She smirked. "And he seems interesting, unpredictable at the very least."

I didn't answer immediately, piecing together my thoughts over the last few weeks. "I don't know to be honest Alice. I mean of course I am attracted to him, who _wouldn't_ be. And he smells _unbelievable_. But there is something more to him…he thinks he is so damaged and broken…but I think that deep down, he is a really good guy, who has had some very sad things happen to him." I paused, gathering my thoughts. "The question, I guess is, not do I like him, but rather, am I prepared for how _much_ I could like him?"

"That is a tough one. All I know is I have _never_ seen that look on your face before," with a smirk.

"What look?" attempting to play dumb.

She lifted one black, perfectly arched eyebrow, "that look," waving a finger at me, "the spacey, dreamy look."

I couldn't dispute it. I knew I had a stupid grin on my face.


	5. Misreading

**Chapter 4: Misreading**

Saturday afternoon rolled around and even though I refused to admit it, I was doing everything I could to make the time pass faster until I could see Edward again. In a last ditch attempt to keep myself entertained, I called Angela to see if she wanted to meet at the library to get some work done. We were in the same program and had been working on the outlines of our thesis together.

"Bella." Angela called slightly above a whisper. I raised my head from my hand that was holding it up to look at her.

"You have been sitting there for ten minutes tapping your pen on your book, staring off into space. We can do this another time. I can come back tomorrow night." She said considerately.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to zone out. I do want to do this tonight. Besides I can't come back tomorrow night." I replied trying to retrain my attention to my work.

She just shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her book. Angela was a completely different friend from Alice. She didn't pry but was always there to talk if you needed it.

I turned back to my book, but couldn't focus in the least and found myself staring into the rows and rows of books again. "Are you going to tell me what has you so distracted or am I going to have to call Alice and tell her to come get you?" Angela asked with a casual glance.

I weighed my thoughts for moment. Was I ready to talk with anyone about Edward? If I did, would it jinx it all? It all ready felt like shaky ground – still fearing that one wrong move would send him running again. I was normally a pretty private person, but I felt my insides bubbling over with anticipation for tomorrow night, without a known release.

"I have a date tomorrow night." I said as I shifted in my seat to look her in the face.

"And?" she paused, "there has to be more to it, you don't normally get like this from some blind date that Alice set you up on."

"And…I don't know. It isn't a blind date for one. I have seen him a few times, but this will be our first date." I fought to try to put into words what had me so anticipative.

"What does he do?"

"He's a resident at Children's Memorial Hospital in the pediatric cardiology program."

"Wow." She responded with raised eyebrows.

"I know, a bit intimidating, and to top it off he is for lack of a wordier description - gorgeous." I sighed, still remembering the feeling of his brief touch on my cheek, which now burned at the memory.

"How did you meet him?" I didn't want to talk about how I had really met him. That night still haunted my dreams. "I met him through Alice's boyfriend Jasper, at a party." Close enough.

"Well, he sounds a little more promising than some of the guys you have dated recently Bella." She smiled kindly.

"Hey, not all of us can meet our 'Bens' in high school." I shot back lightheartedly. She and her boyfriend Ben had been together for six years. They were planning to get married but were in no rush. They were as perfect a pair as Alice and Jasper.

"Ha, you're right. I have no idea what it would be like to date at our age. I'm sure it's rough. Good luck tomorrow and let me know how it goes." She replied with a pat on my forearm.

"Thanks. I will."

I arrived home from the library by eight o'clock. Alice and Jasper were on the couch watching a movie. I greeted them, but didn't hover, and went back to my room to read. I picked up the book I had planned on starting Friday at the coffee shop, read about ten pages and fell into a hard, dreamless sleep. One of which I hadn't had in a long time.

Sunday afternoon came around and I was still trying to occupy myself. "What are you going to wear?" Alice chimed from the kitchen while I was dusting the living room.

"I don't know," shrugging as I stood up, "he didn't say where we were going."

"Well, it is always better to over dress than under dress. I know you are going crazy trying to kill time. Let's go out for a little while and see if we can find you something special." Normally I would have adamantly fought Alice on any shopping trip, but this time she was right, on both accounts.

We ended up at one of my favorite stores, though I rarely visited because it tended to be a little out of my student price range. But, for tonight, I wanted to find something different. Their clothes tended to be very feminine and fit me perfectly, though I always had to get the pants hemmed. They must have been designed for someone over six feet tall.

Alice and I shopped for a couple of hours. I bought a dress that was a deep shade of blue, she called it azure. It wrapped in the front and had a small row of buttons at the waist. It fell just below my knee, was short-sleeved. I also bought a fitted cream cardigan that went over it matched the little cream polka dots in the print. It reminded me of something from the 1940's. It fit like a glove, hugging me just enough and showed a little skin, but not too much.

Alice, my personal beautician, put my hair in rollers then pulled them out into loose curls, pulling one side up in a hairpin. I assumed we were going to dinner and hoped that I wasn't over dressed, but felt very pretty once I was finally ready. I packed my small brown clutch that matched my t-strap shoes and was ready a few minutes before seven.

The door buzzed causing me to jump slightly. Alice snickered at me from the kitchen, ignoring her, "Yes?" I spoke into the wall intercom.

"Hello, it's Edward Masen." Hearing his smooth, silky voice, made my heart palpitate.

"Hi Edward, it's open." I replied as I hit the open buzzer to the downstairs gate.

When he lightly knocked on our door, I opened it to see the most stunning man I had ever laid eyes on. He was dressed in a light blue button down, the top button open revealing just a glimpse of his muscular chest, black slacks that fit perfectly, and his black leather jacket. It looked like he had attempted to style his hair, but wasn't quite able to tame it, leaving it all the more sexy. I felt myself involuntarily release the air I didn't know I was holding in my lungs at the sight of him.

"Good evening Bella. Are you ready to go?" He asked with a small smile playing on his lips. I nodded as I pulled the door closed behind me, not even bothering to say goodbye to Alice, too wrapped up in the vision in front of me.

"You look beautiful, that color is stunning on you." He said in almost a whisper as I felt his hand mold into mine as we walked the hall to the elevator. My hand instantly warmed at his touch, almost as if there was a current of energy passing between us.

We arrived at the restaurant twenty minutes later, after he had come around the front of the building to pick me up in his car, which was a very nice shiny silver Volvo. I felt so nervous on the ride that I didn't know what to say, to break the ice, to make it as comfortable as it was on Friday night.

He did it for me, "I was convinced that you were going to call me yesterday or today and cancel our date." He said, half playfully, half serious.

"Why would I do that?" I asked incredulously, not sure where it was going.

"After what I told you the other night…I wouldn't have blamed you." His eyes glanced from the road to me quickly then back again.

"Well…you told me a lot of things on Friday night. Let me see if I can remember them all." I purposely kept a light tone, knowing full well what he was getting at, but wasn't going to allow him down that path. "You didn't think I would keep our date because you are a resident? A pediatric cardiologist? Because you are related to Emmett?" I grinned, trying to assess his eyes, which I hadn't quite figured out how to read. "Because you had a heart condition? Or because you had a tragedy happen to you when you were a teenager?"

I received the response I was hoping, his lips curved up into a smile, "okay, you've got me this time." Then his face unexpectedly turned serious. "I meant what I said Bella. I don't know how good of a friend I would be to anyone. There are times I do not think very highly of myself." He finished in a near whisper.

"Why don't you let me decide for myself how good of a friend you would be to me," though of course I wished for more than that, "and how highly I should think of you? Other than your slight mood-swings," smiling, "you're doing okay in my book." I said placing my hand over his on the gearshift. He granted me a sad smile in return. He did not accept what I had to say, but at least he dropped it.

We walked into the restaurant, which was a little Italian bistro that I had never heard of. It was cozy with dim lighting, white table clothes and multiple candles at each table. He said it was another one he had wanted to try for a while, but never found the time, or someone he wanted to go there with. I was starting to get the distinct feeling that Edward didn't date much, but that was for another conversation and time. We were seated in a back booth, which warranted privacy. I was finally able to look Edward in the eyes and my heart felt like a basketball player was dribbling it inside my chest as it beat hard against my ribs.

Edward and I spent the evening in easy conversation talking about our favorite books; he was one of the first men I had met that wasn't intimated by my vast knowledge of literate and the classics. We discussed his education, how difficult the residency program could be, he would work two or three days in a row, sleeping in the on-call room, and then have one day off to start all over. I couldn't image keeping a schedule like that. I told him more about my family and growing up with divorced parents.

Throughout the entire evening, Edward's gaze was intently on me, listening, commenting, reassuring. I had never had a conversation with anyone, much less a man, where it felt like the world around us melted away at the periphery of our vision. So enthralled in what each other was saying, or wasn't saying, or reading the other's expressions that no one else mattered.

Even when the waitress brought the bill over he didn't look away, just slipped a credit card in the black leather envelope. "You ready?" He asked politely. I simply nodded as he held out his hand and helped me put on my jacket. The ride back to my apartment was quiet, but not in a negative way, in a way that shouldn't be this comfortable on a first date.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked hopefully as we pulled up in front of my building.

He dropped his head a little; I am assuming trying to hide whatever internal struggle he was having, but not being entirely successful. "Just for a few minutes, if that would be okay. I have to start a three-day shift tomorrow." I nodded and smiled in acceptance. Even if it was just for five more minutes, I was not ready to say goodbye to this man.

When we got upstairs, Alice was not home. I think I recalled her telling me something about dinner with one of her friends from work, but I couldn't be sure. My brain was not exactly the clearest the last two days.

"Would you like something to drink?" as we walked into the galley kitchen. "I am going to make myself a cappuccino," as grabbed the small Italian espresso make from the cupboard and ran water into it.

"That would be great, thanks." He said as he leaned against the counter. I felt his eyes on my back as I measured out the coffee, pressing it down into the small percolator. As I turned around, my eyes inadvertently met his, and I was taken aback at what I saw – they were smoldering, almost glowing with desire. The pit of my stomach turned into knots I hadn't felt in a very long time, if ever. To be looked at that way, with such want, made me take a sharp gasp of air in.

He pushed himself off from the counter and took one step towards me. I was still holding the coffee pot, frozen. He raised one hand, paused, something seeming to click in his gaze, and then slowly lowered it. His eyes broke from mine to the floor.

"I'm very sorry Bella. But it is later than I thought and I really must be going." I felt the recently gasped air slowly exhaled as I realized I must have not been reading his expression correctly. How could anyone, much less this glorious man, feel _that_ way about me?

"I had a wonderful time tonight." He said as I put the coffee pot on the counter. "I don't think I have ever had such easy conversation on a date." He smiled warmly. I couldn't look at him since my newly discovered assumption.

"Yes, me too." I replied flatly. There was a pause, an awkward silence, the first of the evening.

"Bella, did I say something wrong? I _am_ very sorry that I cannot stay for coffee." He said earnestly.

"No, no you didn't say anything wrong." I responded, shaking my head, forcing myself to look up him.

"I will call you this week once I can come up for air at work, if that's okay," while I walked him to the door.

"Edward…you don't have to, really." I said in a deflated voice while pulling the door open for him. I felt a finger under my chin, pulling my eyes up to meet his. "I want to Bella. I have never met anyone like you…I just," he seemed to struggle with his words. "I don't know… how to be close to you…yet." I felt slightly lifted at his last words. Maybe that look wasn't for me, or I read it wrong, but he didn't dislike me either. It was a start.

He ran his finger from my chin, along my jaw, spreading out his hand to cup the back of my head, sending chills down my spine, while wrapping his other hand around my waist pulling me to him in a tight embrace. I was surprised at first, but then put my arms around his waist pulling his strong body to mine, relishing the feeling of our forms fitting together so well. Inhaling his scent in, which was a multitude stronger so close to his skin and hair - a sharp image of the night he saved me flashed back behind my eyes, but I pushed it away. "You are doing pretty well so far." I smiled into his chest as warmth spread throughout me.

He pulled away far too soon for my liking. "Good night Bella." He whispered as he closed the door behind him. I went back into the kitchen in a daze, attempting to piece together the facts from the evening to help me get a grip.

First, it was by far the best date I had _ever_ had. He was a great conversationalist, polite and of course, very easy on the eyes. Secondly, I _thought _he seemed to be having a good time as well, I guess the jury is still out on that – we'll see if he calls. Thirdly, there was a moment in the kitchen I thought he was going to kiss me. My lips ached at what they were convinced they had missed out on, the knot in my stomach tightening at the mere idea of kissing that man. But, alas, something happened in him, I saw it. An internal decision, a click.

Maybe he was being more truthful than I thought – if he felt as though he didn't know how to be a friend, more than that would be incomprehensible? Maybe he thought so little of himself that he second-guessed my feelings? Though I don't know how that was possible, I'm sure I oozed desire for him tonight. I blushed no less than three times during the evening.

As much as I could sit and analyze all night, without Alice to bounce my ramblings off of, it didn't do much good. She was my voice of reason, helping me put my thoughts in order, batting down my insecurities. I trudged to my bedroom, hung up my pretty new dress, completed the evening ritual of washing and brushing and crawled into bed. Once again, my dreams were filled with Edward, except he never lowered his hand in my kitchen.

I woke on Monday with a mixed heart. It had been so long since I had met someone that I wanted to spend my time with – and I finally had - that I was starting to fear that my growing feelings for Edward would be unreciprocated. I hadn't had much relationship experience, a few boyfriends in college, always feeling fairly complete in myself. Was I ready to have my heart broken? I wasn't certain, therefore it was one more thought I pushed aside to be dealt with later.

I went through my morning routine and made my way to campus for class. I had three classes and a meeting with one of my groups today. I told myself I had too much on my plate this week to worry about what Edward was or wasn't feeling towards me. The day went quickly and I made every attempt to only check my cell phone twice for missed calls. Every time telling myself he was too busy at work saving children's' lives to worry about calling me.

I walked into our apartment around dinnertime. Alice was home from work. She came into the kitchen in her comfortable, post-work clothes. I put a pot of water on the stove to cook raviolis for us and was emptying the sauce into another small pot. Alice went into the fridge to get the salad ingredients. I saw her repeatedly glancing out of the corner of her eye as we worked at the counter.

"What?" I finally said.

"Bella, you know what! Are you going to tell me about your date with Edward?" She responded with an exasperated expression.

I shrugged my shoulders. I had fought all day to not think about him, unsuccessfully I might add, and if I started now, it would just get worse. "What do you want to know?" I answered casually.

"Bella, who the hell do you think you are talking to? Not Renee, this is me Alice who you tell _everything_ to." I rolled my eyes at her claim. "I want to know it all. Come on Bella, you know I live for this stuff," her voice taking on a whining tone by now. I paused for a moment then exhaled as a sign of my surrender.

As the pasta and sauce was cooking and I replayed the evening for Alice, including as much detail as I could stomach without causing so much longing for him that I called him that instant.

"At the end of the night, I asked him up and he said he could come in for a few minutes, but that he had to start one of his three-day shifts at the hospital on Monday. I was getting the espresso pot ready, my back was to him, and when I turned around and looked him in the eyes, Alice I swear I have never seen that look in the eyes of a man that was looking at me. I think only in the movies. He started to raise his arm towards me, like he was going to kiss me, but then he lowered it and said he had to leave." I shook my head as I emptied the water into the colander. "I don't know what to think of it. I _really_ thought he was going to kiss me."

"Did you want him to?"

"Absolutely, probably more than I have ever wanted anyone to. I think… I am a little afraid of how much I like him. But it seemed like this wall came over him. I don't know, maybe I read him wrong."

"What did you say as he left?" She asked as she put our plates on the table.

"He said he had a really good time, that he had never had such easy conversation on a date, that he hadn't ever met anyone like me. Then he pulled me to his chest and hugged me." I said as I popped cheese ravioli in my mouth. "I'm so confused. I don't want to get my hopes up. I mean why would someone like Edward be interested in someone like me?"

"Bella, you know you are being absurd," while shaking her fork at me from across the table. "You know damn well you are a catch." I grimaced at her. "Let me ask you this, since I have known you, how many guys have vied for your affections, unsuccessfully I might add?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Alice; there have been no guys that have been interested in me."

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head at that comment. "Well, let's see. In high school there was Mike, Tyler, and Jacob. In undergrad there was Kevin and Jason. They all followed you around like little lost puppy dogs and you never gave then the time of day." Giving me her look that let's me know that she thinks she has won the argument.

"That's not true. I was friends with Mike and Jacob, I went to the prom with Tyler and I dated Jason"

"I'll give you that. But, you have never _really_ let anyone in – even Jason who you dated for six months! You have never let them see the real Bella, and even with that, they were still all in love with you. Imagine if Edward was that guy, like my Jasper, or Angela's Ben?" She had a point. Even the guys I had dated for a while, I hadn't given my whole heart to. I had certainly never been in love. It was never a conscious decision; it didn't seem necessary to give more at the time.

"I don't know Alice, it's like he has this wall around him. Even if he is interested in me like I am him, what if I can't get past that?" I replied with uncertainty.

"Well Bella, like the old saying goes, anything worth having is worth fighting for."

"I don't know why we are even discussing it, he hasn't even called," I responded dismally as I cleared our dinner plates.

Tuesday went by the same. I was busy on campus all day and didn't hear from Edward. I had no idea what proper dating etiquette said for when he should call, but I really didn't care. I wanted to hear his smooth, silky voice.

When I arrived home, there was a note on my door from the building attendant. I had a delivery that needed to be picked up. I trudged back down to the first floor.

"Hi Henry, I had a note on my front door saying there was a delivery for me." I said with surprise, I almost never received packages. Henry came from around the back with a bouquet of flowers.

"Here you go Bella." He said handing them to me. I felt myself getting my hopes up, and fought hard to suppress it, but couldn't stop the silly grin on my face. I pulled the little card out of the middle of the bouquet – Gerber daisies.

_Bella, _

_I am sorry I haven't been able to call you yet, but I wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you. You truly are an amazing woman and I would be honored if you would allow me to take you out again this Friday._

_Hope with all my heart to see you soon,_

_Edward_

"Who are those from?" Alice asked with a coy grin as I walked in the door.

"Edward. He asked me out again on Friday." I received a knowing look in return. I ignored it and put the flowers on the kitchen table then went to my cell phone, which had Edward's number programmed in it from last Friday night, and called him.

It rang four times then his voicemail picked up. "You have reached the voicemail of Dr. Edward Masen. Please leave your name and number and I will return you call at my earliest convenience," so proper.

"Hi Edward, it's Bella, Bella Swan. I received the flowers, thank you, they are beautiful and I like the choice. I have always found Gerber daisies to be very cheery." I said with a smile. "As to your request, I would love to go out with you on Friday. Call me and let me know what time. Looking forward to seeing you again. Bye," and flipped my phone shut. I walked back out to the kitchen where Alice was starting dinner, my step lighter.

"You said you are going out with him this Friday?" She inquired with a smile.

"Yes. I just left him a message, hopefully he will call me back," while taking the chicken out of the fridge.

"Don't forget we are going to my parents on Saturday for Easter." I nodded. I had forgotten, but I wasn't going to tell her that.


	6. Revelations

**Chapter 5: Revelations**

The rest of the week went by agonizingly slow. Edward didn't call until Thursday, when he finally had a day off. He was picking me up at seven o'clock and said for me to wear comfortable shoes. Our conversation had been very short, I was walking into class, that it left me yearning for more.

I was leaving class on Friday afternoon daydreaming about what Edward and I were going to be doing that night. I kept trying to think about why I would need comfortable shoes. I decided on my black knee high boots, with black skirt and a cream colored v-neck sweater. Comfortable, yet still feminine.

"Wow, Bella. Did you pick that out all on your own?" Alice joked from the couch where she was sitting with Jasper when I walked out of my room.

"Ha ha. Very funny," shooting her a childish scowl. "You know I do know how to dress myself, I just choose not to put that much effort into it most of the time. I don't see the point."

"I think it's because you have a hot date Bella." She said while Jasper laughed.

"By the way Jasper, you could have warned me that he asked for my address and number. When he showed up here last week I thought he was my Chinese food!" I scowled with a hand on my hip. He was stretched out on the sofa, with his head on Alice's lap while she played with his blonde hair.

"Nah, then I couldn't imagine the color you turned when he showed up unannounced." He responded lightly. My ability to blush on command has always been a favorite area for those who know me to pick on. Thankfully, over the years, I have grown a thicker skin and knew they only did it because they were my friends and loved me. To try to maintain my dignity, I refrained from telling him that I actually didn't blush when Edward showed up, I just couldn't form coherent thoughts.

At exactly seven the buzzer rang, "Hi Edward. Come on up." I said into the intercom.

"Thanks Bella." He responded in the velvety voice that had been filling my dreams for the last two weeks.

I opened the door to another picture of perfection. He was wearing a silver colored button down and dark grey slacks, the top open just a little to once again give me a taste of what I might get my hands on one day. I knew that I had the most ridiculous grin plastered on my face.

"Good evening Bella." He said as he lifted my hand and kissed the back of it yet again putting my thought process in a scrambler. All I could do was stare into his deep, beautiful eyes. He stepped into the doorway slightly and saw Alice and Jasper on the couch.

"Hey Edward. How are you?" Jasper called out from Alice's lap. Alice gave him a wave.

"I'm well, thanks. Glad to have a night off." He smiled. He did look tired. I noticed he still held my hand in his.

"Are you ready Bella?" I nodded and grabbed my purse and keys. I had been waiting all week to see him and now all I could do was stare at him, feeling unbelievably shy. How could _he_ be meant for _me_?

"Do you want to know where we are going?" He asked with a big smile as he helped me into his car.

"Yes, I don't like surprises and I have been trying since Tuesday to figure out what we could be doing that would require comfortable shoes."

"First we are going to dinner at a little Mexican restaurant that I know near my apartment. I hope you like that kind of food?" He asked in a concerned tone.

"I love it. But, don't let me drink too many margaritas, or there will be trouble." He chuckled. Alice and I learned the hard way more than once that margaritas go down easy, but come up hard.

"Somehow no matter what you are doing, I can't imagine you are too much trouble." I laughed out loud as he scowled in confusion.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, but for some reason I seem to be a trouble magnet. I hate to admit it, but that night in the alley was not my first brush with danger. Both in Forks and Phoenix, the ER staffs knew me by name I was in there so much as a kid." I said lightly.

"What other kinds of trouble have you been in?" curiosity thick in his voice.

"Well, let's see. Other than the usual klutzy injuries, like fractures arms and legs, in high school I was almost hit by a minivan driven by another student on an icy morning. I jumped out of the way just in time, avoiding a certain death. One of my guy friends misinterpreted our relationship and kissed me, rather forcefully I might add. I really didn't want him to, so I decked him. His face was fine, but I broke my hand."

He laughed lightly; it was like a choir of baritone bells. "Remind me to never kiss you without getting your consent first." I smiled widely - a thrill went through me that he was even thinking in that direction, even if it was playfully.

We arrived at the restaurant and as we walked in, Edward had his hand at the small of my back. It was such a small gesture, but pleased me. We had another great meal and I tried some food I hadn't before, empanadas and tostados. I stayed away from margaritas, but tried the sangria, which was great.

When we left the restaurant we didn't head in the direction my apartment. "Where are we going now?"

"That's where the comfortable shoes come in." He responded with a grin.

"Edward, what do you mean? Where are we going?" I said slightly panicked.

Before he could answer, we pulled up in front of another building. I looked at him in confusion, having never seen the place. He still wore his beautiful, bright smile, excitement dancing in his eyes. He came around to my side of the car and helped me out. As he did, he bent down to my ear level and whispered, "have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" I felt the blush start at the top of my head and trickle down my entire body at his words. Not just what he said, but how he said them, as if I was the only person in the world he had ever said that to, wrought with emotion.

As we walked into the establishment, I still didn't know what it was, then my eyes went wide at the realization that it was a dance club. Not the kind where you shake your butt to hip-hop, but rather formal ballroom dancing. I started shaking my head in cynicism.

"Edward. I can't dance. I am such a klutz." I whispered fiercely as I squeezed his hand tighter. He chuckled.

"It's okay Bella. It is all in the leading." The way that his eyes melted as they looked at me, I felt as though I could not deny him anything. "I haven't been in a while, but am glad I finally have someone to bring here."

Slightly defeated I replied. "Okay, but let me just watch for a few minutes." He smiled and conceded, leading me to a table at the side of the room. There were tall bar tables set up all around and in the center was a large parquet dance floor. Scanning the room, there were all types of people there, old, young, experienced, not at all. It was fun to sit and watch as they whirled around the floor.

A slower song came on and Edward rose from our table and held out his hand to me. I would have been more than happy to sit and watch all night, but the gleam of anticipation in his eyes was more than I could stand. I put my hand in his, once again noticing how well they fit together and allowed him to lead me to the dance floor.

He took my right arm and placed it on his shoulder and took my left hand in his, his other hand around my waist. "It's all in the leading…just relax." He said in what seemed like a sensual tone, though I couldn't be sure with the music filling the room. The first few steps, I couldn't get the rhythm right and I was pushing and pulling against him, stepping on his toes. He pulled me closer to his body, my body instinctively responding by molding to his. Our chests were just touching, "relax." He whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine, and somehow I did.

After that, my feet felt like they weren't touching the ground as he led me around the floor to what I would guess was a waltz. I am certain I didn't look as graceful as the professionals, but I didn't care. Once again the world melted away around us as I kept my gaze on Edward.

We danced for what seemed like hours, Edward never letting go of me. The longer we touched, the harder it would be to separate, like my body would go into withdraw. When the band finally took a break, he led me over to the bar.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"A water would be great, thanks." I replied, slightly out of breath at the last dance, which was a salsa. Edward had had his hands on my hips, twisting and twirling me. It took all of my self-control to not jump him in the middle of the dance floor.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" He seemed every bit as good at the professionals who frequented the place.

"My mother made me take lessons when I was younger. She said that a proper gentleman should always know how to lead a dance. And, that I should be able to dance properly with my wife on our wedding day." He responded with a sad smile.

"Your mom sounded like a smart, practical woman. There aren't many men out there that really know how to dance." I said as he handed me the water, his arms still around my waist from the side. "When was the last time you've been, it couldn't have been that long ago. You seem like a pro."

He didn't answer me right away, averting his eyes. Just as I was losing hope, thinking I said the wrong thing again, he responded, "I haven't been since right before the accident. I couldn't bring myself to, she loved to dance so much. And, I haven't had anyone to take either. Not much fun ballroom dancing by yourself." He chuckled slightly then led me to our table. I wanted more than anything to ask him why there hadn't been anyone else in his life. Had he really not dated at all since his parents died? I found that extremely hard to believe, and, if so, why now. I knew _I _was not special enough to bring someone out of an eight year, self-imposed bachelorhood.

Edward and I danced a little more, but I think he sensed I was getting tired and politely said he was – asking if it would be okay if he took me home. The short drive back to my apartment I spent replaying the perfection of our date. I had never been a particular sensual person, but every time I was around him, it was the only direction my brain would go.

The feel of his body against mine as his strong hands held my waist, manipulating my body to follow his. It was sexual in so many ways, but far more beautiful and in some ways more intimate. I had limited experience with sex and every time it didn't feel as private as when I had danced with Edward. The knot in my stomach grew tight at the idea of what actually _being_ with him would be like. Yet, again getting ahead of myself – he hasn't even kissed me yet.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" I asked with hope in my eyes that he didn't as we pulled up to my building.

He shook his head, "No, I actually have the whole weekend off. Would it be okay if I came in for a little while?"

"I'd like that," with a relieved smile.

When we got inside, Alice and Jasper were gone. She left a note saying they were staying at his apartment tonight. "Is Alice gone a lot?" He asked casually.

"Probably about half the time. I'm sure it won't be long until they move in together. They have been dating for two years now, it makes sense."

"What will you do when she moves out?" He asked as he followed me from the kitchen, I had two glasses of wine, to the living room. "I don't know. Haven't really thought about it yet. I guess look for another roommate, maybe someone from school. There are always posters up," shrugging as I put the wine on the coffee table.

Edward was behind me and as I turned back, I felt his hand on my waist, pulling me slightly to him, my body willingly obliging. I look up into his eyes as he brought his other hand to the side of my face. Our bodies were less than an inch apart.

"Bella, may I kiss you?" He murmured, his voice thick with desire. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up a little in a smile and all I could do was nod my head. With my response, he brought his lips gently to meet mine, the heat of our connection urgently filling me, finally being able to taste his sweet breath. His lips were so warm and soft, just as I had imagined.

I'm not certain if he intended it to be a quick kiss, but my body thought otherwise, having been fueled by my dreams and chaste meetings for the last three weeks. My hands inadveratantly found their way up around his neck, twisting is his soft hair as I pulled him closer to me, leaving no space between us for even air to pass. I deepened the kiss, his hand now firmly holding the back of my head as the other one ran through my hair. The heat of our connection felt like it would swallow me whole with its intensity. I wanted to breath him in, hold on tight, and never let go. Leaving my one hand in his hair, I let the other explore down his broad shoulder to his chest, feeling the sculptured muscles below my hand, even further promoting my imagination.

After what seemed like hours, but not nearly long enough, we both pulled away slightly from one another; the severing of our connection immediately leaving me with a deep longing for more. I had _never_ had a kiss like that. I felt it in every inch of my body.

His hand was still on my face and as I looked up at him, his eyes were closed, with a slight smile on his lips. "I have been waiting to do that since I first held you in my arms in the alley." He whispered so softly, as if only speaking to himself.

There was slight shock written on my face. "Edward, please don't take this the wrong way," as my knees still shook, "but why did you respond to me that way in the hospital then?"

He sighed and opened his eyes. They seemed to be dancing with excitement. "I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier, but I wasn't sure how you would react." My stomach twisted with nerves at his words. "When I found you in the alley, it wasn't the first time I has seen you." I stared back at him incredulously.

He took my hand and led me to the couch, my legs still not quite responding to the brain waves they were being sent. "What are you talking about?" I asked as he held my hands in his, sitting closely, my leg touching his as one was tucked underneath me.

"I saw you in the coffee shop and I wanted more than anything to come talk to you. I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on." I felt the blush trickle down my neck at his endearing words.

"So why didn't you?"

He played with my hands, weaving his long fingers in and out of mine, the gentle sensation sending goose bumps up my arms. I was attempting to wait patiently for his answer, but it was never one of my strong suits, especially when my stomach was in knots and my lips were on fire.

"Edward?" I whispered urgently.

"Bella, I have had a wall around me for so long - one that I admittedly built. When I saw you, I wanted to meet you…but my self-loathing got the best of me, and I decided that someone like you - didn't need to know someone like me – a monster. You looked so pure and sweet," he smiled slightly, "even when you were huffing and puffing into your cell phone."

I put my hand under his chin and drew his eyes up to meet mine, hoping he saw the concern and caring in them. "Edward, I can't for one minute imagine what you have been through, and how difficult it has been. The worst I have been through was my parents getting divorced, and it doesn't even compare. But, I do know this. You are _not_ a monster. You are a thoughtful, sweet, gentleman who I feel very lucky to have met and_ hope _you feel the same way." I smiled.

"Bella, I…" putting my finger over his lip to stop him. "I know it has been a long time since you have let anyone in Edward your heart and for some unknown reason you have bestowed that honor on me. You need to know that I take that honor very seriously." I took my finger away and rested my hand on his. "To be honest, it has been awhile since I have gotten close to anyone either, and I have never _really_ let anyone in, like I want to with you. I know it can be hard once you have set up that distance around yourself." He reached up and brushed his fingers down the length of my cheeks. The sensation was unbelievable.

I continued before I was too distracted to get it all out. "_Whatever_ you need from me, however slow you need to take it, I will understand. I just want to be with you in any capacity I can." I whispered, having never laid my heart out so much to anyone, and never having wanted to so much.

"Bella, I don't know what to say. I don't deserve someone as sweet as you." He shook his auburn head of hair in disbelief; it swayed back and forth on his forehead. "When I held you in my arms, even though you were passed out from shock," he smiled, "it felt so right," he shook his head slightly, "but I refused to let myself know you. I spent the whole night convincing myself that I couldn't see you again, even though I desperately wanted to. When you came to the hospital, I was so taken off guard, fighting what I knew to be true. Then we kept running into each other, it became harder to maintain my obstinacy. I feel drawn to you. I can't stay away and I don't want to, but at the same time, I don't feel worthy of having you in my life. Since I have known you, it feels like I can finally breathe again." He inhaled deeply then smiled. "And I never want to give that up. I am irrevocably falling for you."

I had a huge smile on my face at this points, many of his words mimicking my own thoughts. "I could say the same thing about you. If it weren't for you, I shutter to think what would have happened that night. And, every night since, in my dreams…" I couldn't finish because Edward eagerly pulled me to him and kissed me passionately. My lips enthusiastically welcomed him back.

He pulled me on top of him on the couch, my full weight on him, my hands feverishly running through his hair as his hands caressed my neck and shoulders, down to the middle of my back. I felt like I was going to pass out from the intensity of emotions passing between our lips, as if sparks were actually flying.

We lay on the couch for a time, relishing in each other's touch, occasionally coming up for air. I wanted more than anything to rip his clothes of right then and there and _be_ with him, but it was too soon, for both of us. Now that our hearts had been laid out for one another, the walls down, I wanted to cherish every moment with this magnificent man, and soak up the way that he made me feel just being in his presence.


	7. Conscientious

**Chapter 6: Conscientious**

When I woke, the light was filtering into the room through the double windows in the living room. I felt warmth all around me, and a strong heartbeat beneath my ear. I tilted my head up to see Edward, still asleep, his arms securely around me as we were contorted into one mass on the couch. Our bodies seeming to fit together like a lock and key. There was a blanket over us and I heard some clanking in the kitchen.

Slowly pushing myself up, taking care to not wake him, I looked over the back of the couch to see Alice in the kitchen making coffee. Her iPod was on, assumingly she had come from the gym since she was still in her work out clothes; shaking her little body to whatever music she was listening to. She looked up, saw me, and gave me a wicked grin. I sheepishly smiled in response as I twisted around to see Edward's sleeping form next to me. He long legs hanging off of the end of the couch.

I reached down and gingerly ran my fingertip along the outline of his facial features, his strong jaw, straight nose and warm brown eyebrows. Looking at him brought back the entire splendor of the previous evening. The way his lips worked with mine, causing me such ecstasy, I thought not possible from a mere kiss. As I was tracing, he began to stir. I pulled my hand away.

"Don't stop." He murmured with his eyes still closed. I paused, but I didn't. I continued on my exploration, to his perfect lips, along his jaw to his ears. As I ran my finger along the tip of his ear, a small smile came on his lips. I couldn't help but bend down and taste them.

As I did, twisting my body over his in the tight confines of the couch, his hand found its way back into my hair, pushing it behind my ear. Our lips met, so softly, my hand on his broad chest to support myself. I pulled back slightly, "good morning," I whispered into his mouth, which turned up into a big smile. "Yes it is," he dreamily replied.

I hadn't even realized that we had fallen asleep on the couch together, having stayed up late talking and kissing. But when I woke in his arms, I felt unquestionably safe, happy, and reassured he was still there with me.

I reluctantly pushed myself up again and looked at my watch, it was nearly nine. Alice had mentioned the day before that she wanted to be on the road by ten to avoid traffic getting out of the city. The last thing I wanted to do was leave Edward's side. It had taken twenty-four years for me to find him, and now all I could think about was spending every moment with him. I weighed my options in my head, and then went out on a limb.

"Edward?" He slowly opened his eyes and fixed his deep gaze on me as I hovered over him. He continued stroking my hair, pushing it behind my ears, letting his fingers linger along my neck.

"Do you have plans for Easter?" I should have asked Alice first, but was certain neither she or Carlisle and Esme would mind.

"Emmett and Rose invited me to spend the day with his family, but I hadn't committed. I was probably going to pick up another shift at the hospital so that someone else could spend the day with his or her family. Why?" He inquired as he then ran his fingers along my arm, causing goose bumps.

"Alice and I are going to spend the weekend with her parents in Rockford. We are leaving this morning and will be back tomorrow evening. Would you like to join us?" I asked with hopefulness. I wanted nothing more than to continue spending time with him.

He raised his eyebrows in uncertainty, "are you positive? I don't want to impose."

"Not at all, I am sure they would love to meet you. They are like my second set of parents. Plus, you and Carlisle should have a lot to talk about, doctor-like things." I saw the indecision in his eyes, but hoped he did want to join us.

"Please." I whispered pleadingly.

His lips curled up sweetly, "you do know you are a very dangerous woman Bella Swan? I can't possibly say no to that." He began twisting a strand of my hair around his index finger. "I wasn't ready to say goodbye to you either." As he pulled me to him again, kissing me softly.

"Ah hem." I heard from over our heads. I reluctantly released Edward's lips and turned to see Alice hovering over us. She had her hands on her hips and an annoyed face – the sight of which made me rethink not asking her permission to invite Edward – who was still casually playing with my hair.

"Is that okay Alice, if Edward joins us this weekend?" I asked sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes and then a big smile spread across her face. "Of course it is! I was just playing, but I still want to leave by ten if possible."

I turned back to him. "Edward, do you mind driving since your car is much bigger than Alice's Beatle? I don't think your legs would even fit in there with the seat all the way back."

"That's fine with me, I just have to run home and grab some clothes and shower. I will pick you ladies up at ten." He replied.

Since we only have an hour to get showered, packed and ready to go, we clamored off of the couch. I gave him a quick kiss goodbye, the separation made much easier knowing I would see him again in just an hour as opposed to a whole weekend.

I walked towards my bedroom and was accosted my Alice. "Bella Swan. You have got some talking to do and you better do it fast before he comes back." She exclaimed excitedly.

As I got in the shower, she stood at the mirror putting on her makeup and I replayed the whole evening for her, paying special attention to when he kissed me, how I felt like I was levitating. Alice was clapping her hands in delight at all of the sweet and romantic details.

"See, I told you! Wasn't it worth working through all that stuff so that you could both see that you really like each other, maybe even _love_?"

I laughed at the childish way she said love, all drawn out. "Yes, Alice. I am happy to say that this time you were right."

"Silly Bella, I'm_always_ right."

"Are you sure it is okay that I invited him this weekend? I feel bad that I didn't ask you, but I really wasn't ready to say goodbye for two days," as I was drying myself off.

"Of course, you know my parents, the more the merrier. Plus, Jasper is driving out tomorrow morning to meet us so I will ride back with him. Hopefully he and Edward will get along and we can double date," twinkling in her eyes as she walked out of the bathroom to allow me the space to finish getting ready. I liked the idea of going on a double date with someone I actually liked.

I hastily packed my bag, briefly dried my hair so it wasn't completely wet, and put on a little blush and mascara. I was ready and waiting at five until ten. Edward rang the downstairs buzzer and Alice came running out of her room with bag in hand. "Be right down." I responded into the intercom.

It was a sunny, beautiful March day when we exited our building, made all that more splendid by the sight of Edward standing by his car, all showered and shaved. My stomach did flips as I walked up to him and wove my hand in his. He smiled down at me, took our bags, and threw them in the trunk, gracefully making his way to the driver's side after he opened our doors for us. Alice considerately let me ride in front, but demanded full control of the music selection in return.

We made our way easily through the light Saturday morning traffic. "We need to stop for coffee and bagels before we get on the highway." Alice commanded from the back seat.

"Sure, where's the best place?" He replied, looking in his rear view mirror at her.

"Turn left at the light and there is a good place on the corner there. I think there is drive thru as well." She instructed.

There was a drive thru and after we had our caffeine and carbohydrates, we were all a little perkier. I had no idea what time Edward and I had finally fallen asleep, but the smooth, quiet ride of his Volvo was making it increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. I rested my head on the window and gave in. I felt his hand on my thigh, his warmth, and smiled as I drifted off.

"Bella," I heard a whisper, was it still a dream, I couldn't tell. I had been dreaming about Edward and me dancing. I wore a beautiful, flowing gown and he was in a tux. I cracked my eyes open to realize I was still in his car, but it was stopped. I looked over at him. He was gently stroking my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Hi sleepyhead, we're here."

"Sorry for falling asleep. I didn't realize how tired I was." I responded in a groggy voice.

"That's okay. Alice and I had pleasant conversation. What were you dreaming about?" curiosity evident in his voice.

"Oh no, what did I say?" mortified.

"You said, 'keep twirling me,'" he chuckled.

"I was dreaming about us dancing." I smiled shyly as the blush in my cheeks increased. "What did you and Alice talk about?"

"I didn't realize you enjoyed it so much. I will have to make sure to take you again very soon." Running his fingers down my arm, sending chills through me. "We talked about how wonderful you are." He smiled, "and she said that if I hurt you she would hunt me down."

"That sounds like Alice," always protective. I smiled, as he leaned over and kissed me gently. My hand found its way to his face, pulling him closer to me, deepening the kiss. His wonderful scent filled my senses.

There was a loud tap on my window that made me jump. "Hey you two lovebirds! Get inside. My parents are dying to see you." Alice commanded from outside the car. I reluctantly released Edward and gathered my things in the front seat. Edward retrieved our bags from the trunk and we went inside to greet Carlisle and Esme.

"Bella! We're so happy you could join us this weekend, it's been far too long." Esme said as she pulled me in for a tight hug, and then handed me off to Carlisle. "Good to see you Bella." He said smiling.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is my," boyfriend, man I am obsessed with, man that makes my knees shake with his lips, not sure what was appropriate, "friend Edward Masen."

"It's very nice to meet you Edward." Esme said holding out her hand.

"You as well, thank you for having me this weekend." He smiled brilliantly as he had an arm around my waist pulling me to his side.

"Alice tells us that you are in your second year of residency at Children's Memorial in pediatric cardiology." Carlisle said as he put a hand on his shoulder, ushering him in to the living room to 'talk shop.' I winked at Edward as he walked away.

"Bella dear! Where have you been hiding him? He's adorable." Esme gushed as we went into the kitchen to have a cup of coffee and catch up.

"We actually just started dating." I responded with a casual tone, but hoped more than anything we would continue seeing each other. After last night, it seemed that he had finally let down his expertly crafted armor.

"Well, I can tell he cares for you very much. The way he looks at you." Esme nodded her head with a knowing, motherly expression.

"Really?"

"Oh yes dear. You hang on to him." She patted the back of my hand. Alice came over to us at the table with the coffee mugs.

"Bella, tell her how you met." Alice chimed in as she sat down. I shot her a little glare. I really didn't care to explain to anyone the circumstances. Even though I came out of it having met Edward, the night still haunted my dreams.

I sighed, letting Alice know I wasn't happy about this, "he saved me when I was being attacked by a bum in an alley." I said softly.

"Oh no! Were you okay?" Esme said drawing her hand up to cover her mouth in shock.

"Yes, Edward found me just in time. He knocked out the guy and took me to the hospital." I smiled gently.

"And you have been dating since?"

"No. We met a few times, mostly by chance after that night. We have only been on two actual dates." I responded taking a sip of my coffee.

"Really? It seems more serious than just two dates - must be fate." She smiled gently. She and Carlisle had met by fate. She was a patient of his when she broke her leg. He was the attending doctor in the emergency room that night. Having seen Esme and Carlisle's marriage, it gave me hope the institution, that not all married couples were doomed like my parents had been. Yes, must be fate, I thought smiling as well.

We talked for a while longer before Edward and Carlisle came in to join us. Edward stood behind my chair with his hands on my shoulders. I don't think I will ever get used to the thrill of his touch, so warm and gentle, yet strong.

"We thought we would have a movie night tonight." Alice said as we got up to put our mugs away. Esme was starting to make lunch. We all sat down and ate. Then Alice said she and Esme were going shopping. I luckily got out of joining them, "Do you want to go for a walk? It's so nice out." I asked Edward as I put out plates in the dishwasher.

"Yes, that would be nice. I need something to perk me up."

We donned our coats, it was still only in the forties, and headed out the Cullen's front door. Carlisle and Esme lived in a large, traditional colonial with white siding and black shutters. It was nestled in the middle of a nice neighborhood a few minutes outside of the city. In Forks, they had lived in an amazing house, set back in the woods on the edge of the river. I loved spending the night there because I got my own bedroom, with a big king sized bed and private bathroom with a big tub. Which was more than I had at my Dad's house; we shared the one small bathroom upstairs.

"Carlisle and Esme are very nice." Edward commented as we made our way down the sidewalk, hand in hand. The sun was streaming through the thick canopy of the old oak trees that lined the street.

"Yes, they are wonderful. They really are like my other parents. I spent so much time at their house my senior year of high school. Then when we started college out here, Alice and I would go visit them about once a month and get a good home cooked meal. In some ways I am closer to them than my own parents." Edward was quiet as we walked, pensive. I realized that I may have been insensitive – here I had two sets of parents and he didn't have any.

"I'm sorry Edward. I shouldn't have gone on like that."

He stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk, turning to me, taking both of my hands in his. "Bella, you shouldn't ever hold back on telling me about yourself because you are worried about upsetting me. Yes, it still hurts," he paused and took in a breath of air, "but somehow talking with you the other night, getting it all out, has made it start to hurt less. I feel like maybe I am finally starting to accept it. I know I haven't dealt with the pain of their loss very well - maybe I am now." His smile was sad.

"I just don't want to see you hurt at all," in a soft voice, my eyes averted to the sidewalk.

"Unfortunately it is a fact of life. But, meeting you makes me start to believe that there is still enough good in the world to off set the bad. You truly have been a ray of sunshine in my world Bella." He smiled one of his glorious grins that nearly knocked the wind out of me.

I bowed my head shyly, not sure how I could be that for someone, but thrilled at his words all the same. We continued walking for another half hour and ended up back at the house by mid-afternoon. Alice and Esme had not returned from shopping yet. Carlisle said we would be lucky to see them before dinner.

"Carlisle, do you know if Esme has anything planned for dinner?"

"Not that I know of, I think she mentioned ordering pizzas to eat while we watch the movie." He responded from the couch as he watched some sports game with Edward.

"Then I want to make dinner for everyone, if that's okay."

"That would be nice. You know we love your cooking." He responded.

I came around the couch to sit next to Edward, who put an arm around my shoulder.

"Do you want to go to the store with me?" I asked as I nuzzled into his chest, in reality, all I wanted to do was take a nap, but wanted to do this nice gesture. He nodded and we got up and loaded ourselves in the Volvo. I knew of a grocery story a few blocks from here that would have everything we would need.

"What are we making?" Edward asked as he picked up a shopping basket.

"Chicken enchiladas - they are one of Esme and Carlisle's favorites. Plus, they're pretty easy." We went around the store gathering all of the necessary ingredients.

"Do you cook much?" I asked as we loaded the groceries into the car.

He shrugged, "Some, though I have found since I started my residency, it is the last thing I want to do when I get home. I always wanted to take some cooking lessons, just to know how to make the basics."

"I could teach you a few things. I cooked almost every night when I lived with both my mom and my dad. Either that, or we would have had pizza every night." I chuckled as we pulled in the driveway.

Edward brought all of the bags in and put them on the kitchen counter. I started digging around for the chicken, which we would need to marinate for an hour or so. I put Edward in charge of cutting up the vegetables to make the sauce. I sautéed the peppers and onions while the chicken marinated. There was peaceful silence as we worked side by side at the kitchen island.

"What smells so good?" Alice yelled from the entranceway, bags were rustling.

She and Esme came into the kitchen. "Are you making your wonderful chicken enchiladas?" Esme asked with a hopeful expression.

"Yes I am. I thought I would do a little something to thank you for having Edward and me this weekend." I grinned as I stirred the sauce.

Esme waved her hand at me. "You know we are always happy to see you Bella and to see that you finally have a nice young man in your life." I blushed furiously as she came around to one arm hung me. Edward was perched on one of the stools opposite me, grinning, I scowled, which made him laugh.

Edward and I finished assembling the enchiladas and put them in the oven. I put the rice and beans on the stove to cook, and then sat down between Edward and Alice on the kitchen stools. I was exhausted.

"Bella, Edward, do you want a glass of wine?" Alice asked as she poured herself one.

"Sure, why not. I don't think it will help to keep me awake for the movie though."

"Do you have any beer?" Edward asked.

"Out in the garage in the fridge there is some. My dad always stocks up when Jasper is coming." He rose from his stool and went out the side door to the garage.

"Bella," Alice whispered furiously. "Do you want to stay in the same bedroom with Edward or with me tonight? My mom asked, she is fine with Jasper and me staying together, but I wasn't sure what you would want to do."

I hadn't thought about it, but the idea of staying in the same bed with Edward made my face flush, and my guts twist in delight. "If your parents are okay with it, we could stay in the same room." A small smile spread across my face at the possibility of having a whole night next to him, even if it was nothing more than him holding me.

"What are you smiling about?" He whispered in my ear as he came in from the garage. I felt myself blush even deeper. I slipped out of his hold and went to stir the sauce, avoiding his question.

After dinner the five of us plopped ourselves in the living room for the movie. "Your cooking was fantastic as always Bella." Carlisle complimented as he curled up with his wife on the love seat. Edward and I were on the couch and Alice was lying on a mound of pillows on the floor.

Alice put in some sort of comedy. I couldn't pay attention, too absorbed with being in Edward's arms again. I lasted through the opening credits and couldn't fight the pull of my eyelids.

I woke up when the movie was over. Alice was getting up, putting the popcorn bowls and cups in the kitchen. Carlisle and Esme must have gone to bed already. I twisted around and saw the Edward was asleep as well. I stretched my neck up and kissed his cheek and he began to stir awake. "You ready for bed?" I whispered in his ear.

He tightened his grip on me, "I'm not ready to let you go," he murmured with closed eyes.

"Who said anything about letting me go?" He has assumed, like I had, that we would be staying in separate rooms. A smile slowly spread across his beautiful face.

I sat up and pulled him up with me, and with great effort, he conceded. We trudged our way up the stairs, "good night," Alice snickered from the kitchen. "G'night," I called back over the railing from the second floor.

The guest bedroom was at the back of the house. Our bags were already in there and the bedding had been turned down on the king-sized bed. As we got our pajamas out I said, "I hope you don't mind that I assumed you would want to stay in the same room as me." I had my nightshirt in my hand. Edward came over and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Nothing makes me happier than to share a bed with you Bella." The velvety seduction of his voice made my knees quake beneath me. I knew I was in uncharted territory. I had certainly been with a few men, nothing memorable. Just the idea of sleeping _next_ to Edward gave me more delight than repeating any of my past sexual experiences. Once again, I couldn't even begin to imagine what _being_ with him would be like. It made my heart palpitate wildly.

Edward bent down and placed his lips on mine, gently, sweetly. My arms went around his neck, immediately my hands were weaving through his hair. He walked me over to the bed, never breaking our connection, and laid me down, slowly pressing his weight to me. The feeling of this beautiful man, lying on top of me, was more than I could put into words.

We lay there for several minutes, our kissing growing deeper and more passionate. My hands came down around his neck to the buttons on his shirt. With trembling fingers I undid them, disconnecting from his lips to explore his neck. He released little moans of pleasure, which only drove me crazier, knowing _I_ was doing that to him. His hands were on my waist, moving under my shirt, then one was making its way down my hip to my thigh, wrapping around the back of my knee, pulling it up to hitch it around his hip – involuntarily I released a gasp – feeling him against me. He was certainly as excited about this as I was.

The sensations in the pit of my stomach were indescribable, so much desire and want for him. Edward's lips were back on mine as I pushed myself to half-sitting, his fingers lingering around my waist, encircling my navel, making me whimper. I reached down and quickly pulled my shirt over my head. Thank goodness I wore one of my few pretty lace bras.

I pushed his shirt off of his shoulders, and then lifted his t-shirt over his head to reveal what I had only seen in my dreams, the most perfectly chiseled stomach, sculpted chest with strong broad shoulders sitting on top. A faint pink line drew its way down the center of his sternum - a reminder of his heart's past handlings. I knew I was staring – I could do nothing to stop it - nor did I want to. He truly was the most magnificent man I had ever laid eyes on, and he was there, with me, kissing and touching me - didn't seem right.

He pressed me back to the bed with his body and I instinctively drew my legs around his hips. "You are so beautiful Bella." He seductively whispered. My heart was beating so hard it felt as though my chest might not be able to contain it. His hands were trailing up and down my torso, dancing around my bra, but never making contact - driving me wild. I quickly began unbuttoning my jeans, fumbling. Then he gently laid a hand over my trembling ones. He pressed his cheek against mine and whispered in my ear, "Do you think you could stop taking your clothes off?" I was confused. Did he want to do that?

He pulled away, slightly breathless, and took my hand to his face, "There is nothing that I desire more in this world than to make love to you, but not now, not here, not with Alice's parents right across the hall."

I felt myself deflate. I was fighting an enormous internal battle. Everything in me wanted to make love to Edward, to experience every part of him, to melt into him, but another part, the more practical part, didn't want that to happen under Carlisle and Esme's roof either. Not when I had a perfectly good, and more private, bed at my apartment.

I nodded slowly. Giving in to responsibility, damn it! "You're right. We should wait until we aren't sharing a house." I whispered slightly defeated.

"I hope you know it physically pains me to do be so conscientious." He smiled against my neck.

"Well, I would have been happy just curling up in your arms, so this was certainly an unexpected bonus." I smiled at him, he laughed.

He pushed himself off of me and began unbuttoning his jeans. My eyes went wide, had something changed in the last ten seconds? Were we going to throw our caution to the wind?

He noticed my expression. "I'm not going to sleep in my jeans, if that's okay?" He edged his pants down and stepped out them, revealing black boxer-briefs that shaped perfectly to his firm rear, then went to his bag and pulled out flannel pants, putting them on, leaving his chest bare. He handed me my nightshirt, which had been thrown to the floor at his first kiss. I begrudgingly pulled it over my head and took off my jeans.

He crawled into the bed, somehow lifting me and placing me under the covers. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, my back tight against his chest, his heat radiating through. "The way you feel in my arms is…wonderful. I never want to let you go." He murmured into my hair as he tightened his hold around me. All I could do was nod in agreement, fearing that if I moved, I wouldn't be able to control myself from a pure animalistic attack.

I thought I would never be able to fall asleep, my adrenaline pumping, my mind and heart racing with the possibilities. But, as always, unconsciousness won.


	8. Admissions

**Chapter 7: Admissions**

For the second morning, I awoke feeling warm and safe. As my eyes began to focus, pushing away last night's slumber, I saw Edward propped up on one elbow staring at me. Heat filled my cheeks at his desire-filled gaze.

"Good morning." He said, I smiled, and he brushed the hair away from my face. I stretched my arms over my head. He put his hand on my stomach and slowly ran it up the side of my torso to my neck, then shoulder. My breath caught in my throat at his seductive touch.

I turned, searching his eyes, flashes of the previous evening coming back to me, causing my stomach to knot up again. I was quickly losing resolve. "You are making it incredibly difficult to get out of this bed and get ready."

He leaned his head down to my ear, "so don't." A chill ran through me. Ugh.

"What happened to being responsible?" I responded, attempting to keep a safe distance from his perfectly sculpted torso - that was just screaming at me to run my fingers over it.

"I had to spend all night lying next to you, in a mere t-shirt. Your body pressed against mine. Responsibility is looking pretty silly right now." He mischievously grinned. It was official - my heart was actually going to run itself out of my chest cavity.

With what little will power I had left, I threw back the covers and scurried to the bathroom. He chuckled then let out a big sigh as I heard him collapse onto his back. At least I knew he was having as hard a time with this as me. My body had waited far too long for this, and right now, it was none too happy that my brain was calling the shots.

I turned on the water to the shower, stepped in and hoped that the water would help loosen me up. I stood there for several minutes, daydreaming about the beautiful man that was lying in bed just outside the door. A smile spread across my lips, recognizing that I had smiled more in the last week, than I probably had all year. Edward was unquestionably the reason for that. I just hoped he felt as strongly as I did – I was certain I was falling in love with him.

I quickly dried my hair, and threw on some makeup, but realized in my haste to get in the shower, that I had left my clothes in the bedroom. I would have to go back out there in a towel.

I cracked the door open and peering into the room. Edward was still lying in bed, his arms behind his head and his eyes were closed, and a small grin played on his lips. The sheets were pushed down around his waist revealing his entire chest. I thought I might pass out at the sight. He truly was the perfect embodiment of the male specimen – like a marble sculpture by an ancient artist.

I quickly tip toed to my bag and grabbed some clothes, "nice outfit." His smooth, deep voice called from behind me. Not turning around, I dashed back behind the closed door of the bathroom and attempted to catch my breath as he laughed hardily.

Once I finished getting ready, dressed in khakis and a light blue blouse, I went back into the bedroom. Edward was sitting on the side of the bed. He had his jeans and t-shirt back on, much to my eyes' dismay, and a coffee cup in hand. He picked up another mug off of the nightstand and held it out to me, "coffee?"

I walked over and took it from him, "thanks," as I took a sip. It had cream and sugar in it, just like I liked it. I wondered how he knew. Alice probably told him.

"The bathroom is all yours." I said as I sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. He stood up and grabbed his bag, but swiftly turned around to face me. "Bella, I hope you know that I didn't want to stop things last night, it just, didn't seem appropriate." Pausing, "I feel like I have waited far too long for you to come into my life, to rush something as important as that." I nodded in agreement, but he had gone into the bathroom. So maybe he did feel strongly for me as well, hopefully it wasn't just physical attraction on his end. It was so much more to me, though that admittedly was a large part.

I went downstairs to see who else was up, in no way wanting to test myself by being alone with Edward any longer. Alice and Esme were in the kitchen around a plate of bagels and donuts.

"Good morning Bella. How was your night, you sleep well?" Alice asked with a mischievous smirk.

"I _slept_ very well, thank you." I responded with a glare.

"When is Jasper getting here?" My meager attempt at changing the subject. Alice scowled at me, she wanted dirt and she wasn't getting any, not now.

"He should be here in about twenty minutes, just in time for church."

"Is Edward joining us at church?" Esme inquired.

"I assumed so, but honestly I didn't ask him. I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable." I said almost to myself.

Alice chuckled, "I'm sure that Jasper would be more than happy to stay behind with him. He hates me dragging him every holiday."

I retreated to the stairs to the guest bedroom. I knocked on the door, letting him know I was coming in, if I caught him mid-dressing there would be no way I could stop myself. "Come in." He called out.

I opened the door and he was standing in the middle of the room, latching his watch, wearing light colored dress pants and a pink button down. The color looked great with his auburn hair. I didn't speak at first, embarrassed that I had assumed he would want to join us for church. I certainly wasn't a regular church-go'er, but Carlisle and Esme were, so when I came to visit I had no issues with joining them.

"Edward, we are all going to church soon, and I'm sorry I didn't ask you before, do you want to join us? I'm sorry I just assumed you would, it was inappropriate of me. But, it would not be an issue at all if you didn't and stayed here." I rambled.

He put his hand on the side of my neck. "Bella, don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. We haven't known each other that long. We can't know everything about one another, not yet at least." He smiled, "I have not been to church in a very long time…but I would like to join everyone. Plus, I don't think I could bear to leave you for even an hour," pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head.

"Your hair smells wonderful." He murmured against my scalp.

"Strawberry shampoo," I smiled against his chest. How was it that he knew all of the right things to say? My heart was soaring at his words, the hope, to get to know everything about one another, to not leave my side. I relaxed into his arms.

By the time we went downstairs, Jasper had arrived. We all donned our coats and loaded into the cars. The church that Carlisle and Esme attended was only a few minutes away.

The service was a typical Easter Sunday service, songs and psalms. We were back at the house by eleven. Esme went directly in the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. The "kids" went into the living room. Alice had pulled out some board games from the bookcase.

"Which one, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit or Pictionary?" Alice asked the three of us.

"I vote for Pictionary." Edward said.

I chuckles. "Are you ready to have your butt kicked?" Alice said turning to him with a very serious look on her face, "Jasper and I are the reigning champions." .

I nodded in affirmation. "I have never been able to beat them. It's like they are mind-melded." I laughed.

"Bella, who have your partners been?" Edward asked, sensing a double meaning in his question. I blushed, but smiled. Edward seemed to be good at_everything_ he did, walking, talking, breathing. No doubt board games were on that list as well.

The four of us situated ourselves on the floor around the coffee table. Edward rolled a five, Alice a three, therefore we went first.

"Do you want to draw first?" He asked politely, pushing the pencil and pad of paper towards me.

"Sure," as I drew a card from the stack. We were on the "person, place or animal" category, good - the easiest. I looked at the card – seagull. That's not _that_ easy! I internally cursed. Alice chuckled at my facial expression as I attempted a poker face.

"Ready?" Alice asked as she held the timer. I nodded.

I began drawing. Edward was on his knees leaning over my shoulder. His closeness combined with his wonderful smell was making it increasingly difficult to concentrate. I managed to scribble down something that resembled a bird, and then squiggled for water underneath the bird figure.

"Seagull," he stated assuredly.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, turning around to kiss him on the cheek. Edward rolled the dice and got a six. He moved our blue piece six spots. We were on an "action" category, the hardest.

"Is it an All Play?" Alice asked hopefully. Edward looked at the card again. "No."

He readied himself at the table over the little pad of paper. Jasper flipped the timer and Edward began to steadily draw what looked like two people standing next to each other, one was obviously a female, the other male. He drew a big eye on the female.

"Winking?" He shook his head. "Time is getting close." Alice said with a smirk.

He kept drawing motions around the stick people and somehow it hit me, just as the time was running out "FLIRTING!"

"Yes!" He exclaimed.

"Crap." Alice whispered.

I drew next. It was a "difficult" category. I looked at the card; "confused" was the word. I wasn't exactly sure how to draw it, but I started scribbling something down, Edward hovered patiently over me. He started calling out words towards the end, but none were right, I kept shaking my head and redrawing over the lines, like that would help him to understand.

"Times up," Alice stated but Edward piped in "Confused," over her voice.

I sheepishly nodded - but it was too late. Jasper was already drawing a card. Edward put his arm around me and pulled me to his side, which I willing accepted.

We went back and forth for another hour and a half. We would pull ahead, then I wouldn't draw fast enough and we would loose our turn. Both teams were on the last square, the "All Play". Whoever won this, won the game. The competition was fierce. To my knowledge, no one had ever given Alice and Jasper a run for their money in Pictionary.

Alice handing me the card since it was my turn to draw. I read it, "apple", seriously. That was too easy – it was all about speed then.

I positioned myself tensely over the paper, peeking up to give Alice a threatening look as Jasper flipped the timer. I drew a circle with a little line at the top. "Apple," Edward said.

"YES!! We won." I exclaimed as I threw my arms around him.

"Seriously?!" Alice cried to Jasper with a shocked expression.

"It's okay. We'll get them next time." Jasper said sweetly as he pulled her little frame to him.

"Did I just hear that someone beat Alice and Jasper in Pictionary?" Carlisle asked mystified from the doorway. I beamed up at Edward.

"Why yes you did Carlisle." I replied smugly.

"Finally, I think that their streak has gone on for two years now. No one ever wanted to play with them." He laughed. "Dinner is almost ready," as he turned around and went back into the kitchen.

Alice and I put away the game. Edward and Jasper started talking about some sports scores - I wasn't really paying attention. Alice walked into the kitchen as I followed. Esme was just pulling the ham out of the oven. She had a pretty floral apron tied around her waist.

Alice turned to me. "Bella, did anything happen last night?" in a hushed, frantic voice. She had been waiting all morning to talk with me. I nodded my head, "yes, but he was too much of a gentleman to let it got too far under your parents' roof." In reality, I was glad he had stopped us, I certainly wasn't going to. But, it was still disappointing.

"Wow, how un-man like of him, but very sweet." She whispered. "But you wanted to, right?" My eyebrows rose up, "absolutely! Alice you can't even imagine how amazing he looks without a shirt on." She squealed but then the boys walked into the kitchen and we did our best to drop our silly expressions.

We all sat down and had a great meal, laughed and joked – easy conversation. We were done with the dishes by three o'clock. I was ready for a nap, but more ready to get Edward alone.

"Alice, do you mind if we get going?" I asked as we put the last plate in the dishwasher.

"Sure, Jasper and I are leaving soon too. We don't want to get stuck in traffic."

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his long arms around my waist, placing a kiss on my temple. Alice grinned at us. "You ready to hit the road?"

"Yes, if you are." We went and retrieved our bags, Edward put them in the trunk as Esme and Carlisle walked us out.

"Thank you again for having us. It was really nice." I said while hugging Esme then Carlisle.

"You know you are always welcome in our home Bella, you too Edward." Esme said placing a hand on his arm. He smiled; it was dazzling, "thank you." He shook Carlisle's hand and thanked him, quickly saying something pertaining to the hospital.

"See you at home Alice." I waved to her and Jasper in the entranceway to the house. Edward bent down and whispered quickly, "actually I was hoping you would come to my place when we get back." I shiver of anticipation rolled down my spine. Alice seemed to notice, and I'm sure made a mental note, but didn't comment at the goofy grin on my face.

Edward walked around and opened my door then gracefully placed himself behind the wheel. As we pulled away from the house, I waved to everyone, letting out a sigh and sank into my leather seat. It was going to be a long drive knowing what was to come at the end – with any luck more shirtless Edward.

We were silent for a few minutes as Edward maneuvered the Volvo onto the highway. Thankfully traffic was still fairly light.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked as I put my hand on his thigh.

"Very much, thank you for inviting me. It is has been so long since I have been apart of a regular family holiday," he smiled as he looked at me, "it was refreshing, the easiness."

"Thank you for coming with me." I said as he continued smiling, but turned his eyes back to the highway, my gaze fixed on him, my head falling back on the headrest of the leather seat. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yes, I start a three-day shift. Having the last two days off has been such a treat."

"Do you ever grow tired of it, practically living at the hospital like that?"

"I think if I were working with adult patients, I might. But having the pleasure of working with kids, especially those that are severely ill, truly puts the time I have to sacrifice in perspective. All they want is to be healthy, not money, or material things, just to go home and be with their family and play with their siblings and friends. It is such a different mind-set from an adult. They are so pure and innocent." His words had raw emotion behind them from his own experiences. I was quieted at his words as they sunk in, feeling incredibly lucky that in all my times in a hospital, it was not for anything too major, nothing I had to even spend the night for.

He continued with a lighter tone, "My next day off is Thursday, would you like to go out to dinner with Emmett and my sister? I can see if they are available. I would like for you to meet Rose." I mentally skimmed my schedule for the next week.

"I think I have a group meeting for school until six o'clock or so, but after that I am free. I would like that, to meet her. Do you guys look alike, if so, she must be very pretty?" I replied trying to imagine a female version of Edward. He took his hand off of the steering wheel and placed it over mine on his leg, wrapping his fingers around mine. I relished the feeling, the small connection that meant so much.

He chuckled at me. "No, we don't look that much alike other than we are both tall and fair. She has light blonde hair and blue eyes, like our mom. I look more like our father, more Irish I suppose. What are your parents like?" He asked.

"My father is Chief of Police in Forks and has been my whole life. He's a simple guy, likes to fish and watch sports. We weren't very close growing up because I didn't see him very often, mostly just in the summer. But when I went to live with him my senior year, we got a lot closer. He is very sweet." I took in a breath to continue on, my mother was less cut-and-dry. "Growing up with my mom was an…experience. It's not that she wasn't a good parent; she was, just not typical. Flighty. I did most of the cooking, that is if I wanted something edible to eat," I chuckled at the thought of some of her crazy concoctions. "I had to remind her to pay the bills. She is definitely…a kid a heart. But she loves me very much and in that way I know I am very lucky. I think maybe I had to grow up quicker than most." I hesitated, not sure if I could ask what I wanted to without upsetting him.

"Edward, what did you and you sister do after your parents died? You were still just kids." I asked softly, hesitantly.

He didn't answer immediately, but didn't seem upset either, which I took as a positive sign. "We went and stayed with family in the area, who have since passed, until the end of the school year, which was only six months. Then after that we both went to college. I stayed here in Chicago and Rose went to New York – I think as far away from me as she could. She stayed there during the summers as well – she had a job at a boutique, which was good since she was studying fashion design. Thankfully, our parents were very smart with money and also had purchased life insurance policies, so we have been secure financially at least." He stated the information matter-of-factly, no emotion played on his beautiful face.

"So you have truly been alone, all these years." I asked, sadness evident in my voice.

He simply shrugged his shoulders, "I had good friends in undergrad that I still keep in touch with, and one of them is in my program now." It was evident in his tone that he didn't want my pity nor did he want to continue discussing his painful past.

We slowed down as we pulled up to a large brick building. The car turned into the entrance of an underground parking garage. Edward parked the Volvo and retrieved our bags from the back. He took mine in as well – I assumed that meant I was staying over – but that fact had yet to be established. I was not going to question his actions at this point.

He led us to a set of elevators with lovely wood paneling. When the car arrived he pressed the button for the fifth floor. By my best estimate, that was close or at the top of the building, I didn't notice how high the buttons went. When the doors opened, we turned left into the hall, which was tastefully decorated, in neutral tones. There were four apartments on the floor. He stuck his key in the door of 503. He pushed the door open and ushered me inside as he turned on the lights.

As we walked in there was a small entranceway that immediately opened up to a huge room with tall ceilings, at least two stories tall. To the left was the kitchen, which was open on all sides with a high countertop separating it. The kitchen was modern with all stainless steel, granite and light wood cabinets. Past the kitchen was the living area and to the far right was a set of stairs.

The entire back wall of the apartment was floor to ceiling windows making the space bright and airy. The decorating was minimal but very tasteful. The center of the expansive living area held a large sectional sofa and flat screen television. In the right corner, near the stairs, there sat an impressive jet-black baby grand piano. I wondered if Edward played or it was just there for show. In reality I knew that no one would own an expensive instrument like that and not know how to play it at least a little bit, but it was a question for a later time.

I had never seen an apartment this nice, much less for someone my own age. It finally registered that I was standing in the entranceway with my mouth agape, in awe.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked smoothly as he stepped into the kitchen. I slammed my mouth shut, embarrassed for my rude behavior, "a Coke would be great if you have it." He nodded and opened the fridge, poured the can's contents into a glass and handed it to me.

I took a few swigs to clear my brain. "Edward, this place is amazing."

"Thank you. It's big, I know, but I like the openness of it." He said nonchalantly taking a sip of his own drink.

"Would you like to look around?" He asked tentatively, as if I wouldn't really be interested.

I nodded my head yes.

On the other side of the counter, there were tall bar stools and behind that a table and chairs. He led me through the living room - the couch looked inviting, black leather. He pointed out little things, pictures and such. We traveled up the stairs to a large loft, which was his bedroom. The front wall of the room was half-height and open to the entire downstairs. There was a king-sized bed with gold and black bedding. It was regal in nature. The furniture was black wrought iron and dark wood. Off of the bedroom there was a master bath with a large glass enclosed shower and tub.

We went back downstairs and I eyed the piano in the back corner sitting atop an oriental rug over the dark hardwood floors that stretched through the entire apartment. "You play?"

"A little." He smiled as he took my hand and led me over to the instrument. His eyes lit up as he sat down on the bench. I stood behind him with my hands resting on his shoulders. There was no sheet music in front of him, so when his fingers began gliding across the keys to create smooth, sweet sounds, I was taken aback. I peered at his face and his eyes were closed, his lips were turned up as his body swayed to the haunting melody. I felt drawn into his emotions, closing my eyes as well, as the song ebbed and flowed.

Unconsciously my hands moved from his broad shoulders into his hair, his head tilting back into my touch, but never missing a beat. I'm unsure how it happened, but suddenly I was straddling his lap; his lips feverishly on mine. His fingers slowed, but still sensually danced across the keys. My mouth opened to grant him access - the very thing it had yearned for since the evening before.

It was abruptly silent as his hands were on my back, in my hair, pulling me closer to him. I groaned into his mouth at the feeling of his body pushed so tightly against mine, no room for even a wisp of air to pass. He moved his hands lower to my rear, cupping it as he stood up, pushing the bench back. My legs intuitively wrapping around his waist as he carried us up the stairs, our kiss never breaking.

I was panting by the time he laid me down on the bed, covering me with his body, my legs drawn up again to his sides. I was making quick work of his button down shirt; pushing it over his shoulder as my lips explored his neck. He released whimpers from deep in his chest that vibrated against my mouth.

Part of my silly brain thought this was all moving too fast. We had only known each other for a few weeks, two dates. The more willful part of me told me to keep quiet, it didn't matter, the time spent, what mattered was how right it felt. And boy did it feel right.

While lost in my internal battle, my shirt and pants had mysteriously removed themselves, as had his pants. Once again thanking the underwear gods that I for once had the good sense to wear a nice, lacy set that actually matched. I certainly wasn't like Alice who had a matched set for every day of the week. Whatever I grabbed is what went on.

Edward leaned over me, exploring my neck with his lips, his tongue. I could no longer form coherent thoughts. Everything was blurred by the rapture that was this man pressed against me.

"Bella." He murmured seductively in my ear. A chill ran up my spine. "Are you okay with this? I don't want to rush anything." They were soft and sweet words with an undercurrent of desire. I knew _if_ I wanted to stop, he would, and he wouldn't begrudge me. But that is the _last_ thing my body wanted.

I took his face in my hands, pushing it back slightly so I could look him in the eye. "Edward. I am more than okay with this. I want you and I need you,_now_." I said in a low tone but with fierceness that every inch of me believed as I arched my body up into his.

His lips crashed back to mine, and just as I was beginning to labor for air, he moved south. My hands wove through his hair, to his shoulders and arms, massaging his muscles under my finger tips. His fingers pushing down my bra as his mouth met my breasts. I gasped, my back arching up slightly at the sensations, something I hadn't felt in so very long. His fingers trailed down my torso, slowly inching my underwear over my hips. I heard him murmuring words of adoration against my heated skin. At this point my insides were in such knots, I wasn't sure they would ever unwind. My heart was beating frantically and my breathing was in short erratic.

His lips were around my navel. I was shaking with delight and want for him. I had never in my life experienced this level of pleasure. There was an edge of desperation that was foreign to me. And just when I thought I could endure no more, that I might burst from the inside out, our bodies melded into one, skin on skin, heat, pressure-filled being.

From that moment on, nothing was clear; all visions were dulled, blurred as we moved together; rocking, thrusting, swaying, propelling us further and further down a spiraled tunnel until my mere flesh could no longer contain the heat in my core. Wave after wave of sweet release crashing over me until all I could do was collapse in his strong arms.

I lay on top of his smooth chest, attempting in vain to catch my breath; the very breath that had been stolen away by this gorgeous, intelligent and sexy man – who, just then, I realized I truly loved, with all my heart.

We lay silent for several minutes, absorbed in the moment. "Bella" I looked at him, his eyes held so many emotions; I couldn't quite determine them all: love, wonder, concern and possibly embarrassment. "I want you to know that it has been a very long time since I have made love to anyone; that I don't take any of this lightly."

I looked at him with questioning eyes. He exhaled in a heavy sigh. "I had a serious girlfriend in high school that I dated for a few years, we even talked of marriage. After the accident, we tried to stay together, but I was such a mess, she finally couldn't take it anymore, understandably."

"Was that the last time you were with anyone?" I asked skeptically. How was that possible that his amazing man had been _truly_ alone all of these years? I felt pity and sadness surge through me. He nodded in affirmation and we fell into a thought-filled silence. "I have tried to date, but was never able to connect with anyone. Like I said, I don't take what we just did lightly."

After what seemed like hours, but could have very well been minutes, my thoughts were clearing. "I've never done that with someone I have loved." I said to myself, not realizing that I was voicing the words.

He jerked faintly beneath me. He pulled his head back so he could connect with my eyes. "And do you love me?" Curiosity, wonder and disbelief colored his voice.

I hesitated. I had never said those words to anyone other than my parents. But my fuzzy brain got the better of me, and I concluded I did want him to know, needed him to know. "Yes, I do."

"I love you too Bella," his words flowed like honey from his lips, no hesitation, causing a warmth and security in me that I had _never_ experienced. I buried my face in his chest as I felt the heat rise in my face. His hand stroked my hair then came around to cup my chin.

"Why are you blushing?" He asked in a soft, smooth voice.

Why was I blushing? Because I just had _amazing_ sex with this _gorgeous _man and to top it all off he said he _loved_ me – something no man has ever said to me before – yes that was it.

"No one has ever said that to me before…I knew how I felt, I guess I didn't dare to dream that you felt the same way," my voice as low and disbelieving as my tone.

Edward looked deep into my eyes, as if searching for something, "Bella, you obviously don't see yourself very clearly. You are an amazing woman and it is I who should be doubtful that I am worthy of your love." He touched his lips to mine ever so gently, but with more emotion than I thought possible in a chaste kiss. I took the truth in his words, because I wanted to believe them with everything in my heart and because I was too exhausted to let my stubborn side come out and dispute them. I nuzzled into his chest and closed my eyes falling into a truly blissful state.


	9. Rosalie

**Chapter 8: Rosalie**

I felt a silly grin spread on my lips as I stretched awake, only then realizing I was donning my birthday suit. I quickly pulled the covers up around my chest.

I looked to my side to see Edward gazing at me. He reached over and slowly ran his hand down my neck, to my shoulder, pulling the sheet back. "Please don't cover yourself up; you are far too glorious to be covered by a mere sheet." My breath caught in my throat at his seductive words.

My eyes searched his – they reflected the heat of the previous night - causing my stomach to knot up again. He rolled over and began planting warm, slow kisses on my neck working his way down my torso. I felt my breaths turn into near pants as he reached my chest. I didn't believe it was possible for a man to have such power over me, and that was just from his lips. Little did I know?

He encircled my naval with his tongue. I fought back a loud gasp. I looked over at the clock on his nightstand; it was eight o'clock. Attempting to collect my thoughts, "I have a class in an hour and I still need to go home and shower and change." I said as I ran my fingers through his disheveled hair. "Don't you have to be to the hospital?"

"Not until ten," now against my hipbone. It was a wonder I was even conscious from all of the sensations and urges that were coursing through me.

"And then you start another three day shift and I won't see you until Thursday?" He nodded against my heated skin. I had always seen myself as studious and responsible, but at that moment, laying in Edward's arms, the man I loved and apparently loved me back, I could not seem to remember how to be.

"Well, missing one little class won't hurt." I said as I ducked my head down and closed the distance between our lips.

The next three days went by tediously slow. Edward tried to call me whenever he had a spare moment, but they were few and far between. Or if he was able to, I was in class and couldn't answer my phone, only to call him right back after and have his voicemail pick up.

Alice and I were making dinner, baked chicken, noodles and a salad on Tuesday. "So, you are going to meet his sister Thursday night, the one that doesn't like him?" She asked as she tore up lettuce and put it in the salad spinner.

"Yes, we are going to dinner with Rosalie and Emmett. I am very interested to see if she really doesn't like him or he is just exaggeration. I can understand, I guess, that she was upset with him when the accident first happened. But after all of these years, to still be mad? And they have only had each other too, no other family." I shook my head in disbelief. I didn't see how anyone could dislike Edward. Though I did have to admit that I knew I was seeing a different side of him than many people did – remembering back to those first few times I encountered him and my frustration with his unpredictable moods.

By Wednesday morning I felt as though I had dreamed the whole weekend up. I was desperate to see him again, to pinch him and make sure he was real. I only had one class today, at one o'clock. I had time to run to the hospital and surprise him and get back to campus.

I was riding the L to the hospital and my knees were bouncing with anticipation. I got off at the station for Children's Memorial Hospital and walked the block to the main entrance. I had recalled which floor he was on, so I bypassed the elderly woman directing traffic at the front desk and headed straight for the purple elevators.

I got off the elevators at the third floor and walked to the same nurses' station I had seen at my last visit, hopefully this surprise visit would go better than the last. There was a scrub-clad nurse at the desk, not the same one as last time.

"Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find Dr. Masen?" I asked in my most polite voice. She seemed a little more willing than the last one.

"Sure honey, he should be finishing up rounds if you would like to have a seat, he will pass by here any minute." She smiled.

I took a seat again, my stomach even more full of butterflies than it had been the last time I sat on these standard issue plastic chairs. What if didn't want to see me? What if he has changed his mind and didn't really mean what he said? My self-doubt was certainly getting the better of me and I was ready to high tail it out of there, when I saw him round the corner at the end of the hall. A beacon of light may as well been shining on him. He was even more handsome and graceful than my brain remembered, even in hospital scrubs and limited sleep.

His head was down as he fished in his pocket for something, not taking notice of me as I stood up.

When he did raise his head, he was about twenty feet down the hall. I was staring at him, filled with nervousness. His eyes connected with mine and they went wide. At first I thought in anger, but I misread, they were dancing with excitement. He quickened his pace to almost a jog to close the distance to where I stood. "Bella! What a wonderful surprise!" He said in breathy words as he pulled me to him in a tight embrace.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and buried my nose in his chest, taking in a deep breath, letting it warm me. The dull ache I had been experiencing all week in his absence dissipated. He pulled away from me a little and looked down at me, "I just got done with rounds and was going to get some lunch. Will you join me?" I noticed the nurse at the desk was looking at us with a shocked expression.

"Yes, that would be great." I said, suddenly feeling shy, as he took my hand and led me to the elevators. As we stood in the elevator, his arm draped around my shoulder, mine around his waist, in silence. Just being near him was enough. We walked into the cafeteria and both grabbed sandwiches and drinks and took a seat at a table in the back corner.

As soon as we sat, across from one another, he leaned over and brushed the back of his knuckles to my cheek. "God I have missed your beautiful face." The blood infiltrated my cheeks in a matter of seconds, "and that wonderful blush of yours." He said a little quieter with a light laugh as he pushed a strand of hair to the side.

"I'm sorry to stop by unannounced…I just…well…I missed you terribly," embarrassment evident in my voice.

"I have been miserable too." His smile was wide and bright and took my breath away.

We chatted for another half an hour but he had to get back up to his patients and I had to get on the train to campus. "I will pick you up at seven o'clock on tomorrow night for dinner." He said while he ducked his head and kissed me at the entrance to the hospital. As he pulled away, he moved his lips to my ear, "if you would like, if it's not assuming too much, I would love if you stayed over, so pack your toothbrush… I love you." A shiver, and not from the unusually cool spring day, ran through my whole body. My libido was hoping up and down in excitement.

"I love you too."

The rest of Wednesday passed by without incident. I was in my group meeting on Thursday afternoon, counting down the hours until Edward picked me up. The three other group members plus myself were supposed to be discussing the validity of Shakespearian subcultures when I found myself deeply ensconced in the stacks of books lining the library walls again.

"Bella," Angela said quietly, bringing me out of my Edward-focused reverie. I turned to her, embarrassment written on my face. "Was I daydreaming again?"

"Yup, another date?" She asked with a small smirk. I nodded with a smile. "Same guy, the pediatric cardiologist, the cute one?" She probed with polite curiosity.

"Yes, and I am meeting his sister tonight, his only family."

"That's a big move. The first date must have gone well." She smiled knowingly.

"You could say that," the grin on my face I was certain looked foolish, but I was incapable of holding it back. "He spent Easter with us at Alice's parents in Rockford."

"It sounds like you are falling for this guy, hard," Her tone was caring, but I could tell she was concerned for me, that I would get hurt. Like any good girlfriend worth her weight would be.

"Too late. I am already irrevocably in love with him," as I shook my head still somewhat in disbelief at my fortune.

"Well, I am really happy for you Bella. We will have to go on a double-date sometime." She added sweetly.

As soon as I saw fit, and probably before anyone else thought we were finished, I excused myself from the library and walked the two blocks to the train station. I arrived home at six o'clock giving me one hour to primp. I didn't have anything new to wear and was still undecided. Alice had just arrived home from work and was coming out of her room in her post-work comfy clothes.

"What am I going to wear?" I posed desperately as I shed my clothes to hop in the shower. She followed me into the bathroom.

"Do you know what kind of restaurant you are going to?"

"No idea."

"Why don't men realize we need this kind of information?" I heard her mumbling as she left he bathroom.

"Wait! Alice, I need you." I heard the bathroom door open again as she walked back in.

"Hi Edward. It's Alice, Bella's roommate." Why was she calling Edward? "Quick question for you, what type of restaurant are you guys going to tonight for dinner?"

I heard a bunch of uh-huhs and yups. "Okay great. See you at seven." She chimed.

"Alice!" I yelled from the steaming shower as I lathered my hair, "I want to be really mad at you for doing that…but I know you found out where we are going, so I can't."

"I know, because you love me." I heard the smile in her voice. "You are going to that new place right on the water – it is impossible to get a reservation there. I've wanted to go there for months. I am jealous! You need to wear something really good tonight Bella."

"Alice you know I don't handle fancy restaurants well." I whined.

"Bella Swan, you are going to have a wonderful time tonight, look fantastic, and you are going to report back every detail to me!" She commanded. "I know just what you are going to wear too." She voice rose in excitement.

An hour later I was dressed and ready in Alice's black silk dress. She was usually a size smaller than me, but this fit perfect. It was stunning. It had a square neckline with no sleeves, was cut straight and fitted to just below my knee with a small slit on either side of my legs. The fabric was a heavy silk with red, white and pink oriental embroidery on it and a red shawl to go over it, since it wasn't quite warm out yet. Alice pulled my hair half up with a small bun at the back of my head, the rest of my hair loose down my back. I had to admit - I looked pretty good.

Alice came trotting out of her bedroom holding a pair of black elegant heels. "Off with those!" as she pointed at the shoes on my feet.

"Alice, I know I can manage to walk in these." I whined pointing down at my shoes.

"Bella. You cannot wear _that_ dress with a pair of shabby old pumps. You must wear these." She held up the black stiletto heeled shoes with a deadly pointed toe. "You will just have to hold on to Edward all night to keep from falling." She smirked. I kicked my old shoes off in contention and slipped her shoes on, which pushed my height up several inches. I was now towering over Alice.

"You look great!" She said with an approving nod. "Thanks Alice."

The doorbell rang and I buzzed Edward into the building. As I did I opened our front door while I teetered to my room to fill my black dress purse. As I was walking up the hall, attempting to adjust to the monster heels, he pushed the door open. I heard a faint gasp as I looked up to see him standing in the entranceway holding a bouquet of red roses.

I walked up to him as quickly as I could manage with a big grin on my face. "Hi handsome, thank you for the beautiful flowers. You are spoiling me far too much." I said giving him a quick kiss. He was of course stunning in a black trim-fitting suit with a blue shirt and striped tie. He wrapped one long arm around my waist and pulled me to him. "Bella, you look dangerously stunning." He murmured in my ear.

"Dangerously?" I asked quizzically taking the flowers from him and handing them to the waiting Alice who put them in water.

"With you looking like that, it is possible that we might not even make it to the restaurant." He murmured.

"How is that dangerous?" I responded playfully as I wrapped the red shawl around my shoulders. He opened the door for me and we walked out.

"Because, if we stand Rosalie up, she will kill me," he laughed.

We arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes later and were greeted by a valet attendant. I had never been anywhere that had valet service. Therefore, I thought it was odd that Edward was comfortable getting out of his car and leaving it running in the middle of the parking lot until I saw a young guy slide behind the wheel and drive it away.

The restaurant was set on the water. As we walked in a gentleman greeted us at the door and asked about our reservations. Edward let him know our name and that there were two others in our party. The man said that they hadn't arrived yet, but that he would seat us.

The restaurant was very modern inside with a palate of cool blues and rows of booths along side both walls and small, intimate tables in between the booths. There were crisp white table clothes on each table. The lighting was dim with soft spotlights hung directly over each table from the tall ceiling. Along the back wall, it was floor to ceiling glass with tables along it. The host showed us to one of them. I would imagine in the daytime there would be a magnificent view of the water, but right now all I could see was the darkness of the night.

We sat down and our waiter approached us immediately to take our drink order. I ordered a gin and tonic, it was a special occasion after all, and Edward ordered a Jack Daniel's manhattan. The server was just bringing our drinks over from the bar when my eyes were draw to the door – there was stunning woman dressed in a fire-engine red dress with cascading platinum blonde hair. She had to be close to six feet tall and it seemed as though every person of the male persuasion whipped their heads around to gawk at her, everyone except Edward, who didn't seem to notice her which allowed me a twinge of smugness.

Only after a few moments did I observe that she was on the arm of a rather large, jovial man, who I recognized instantly as Emmett. Dear God – that's Edward's sister! That's why he didn't notice her. I have never felt less attractive in my life.

She and Emmett sauntered up to the table as both Edward and I stood to greet them. Edward and Emmett enthusiastically shook hands and slapped each other on the backs. Rosalie and Edward awkwardly hugged, but didn't look too comfortable about it. Emmett came around the table and pulled me into a big bear hug.

"Bella! Great to see you again. I see our Eddie hasn't scared you off yet." He laughed. After he set me back down and my blood began circulating again. "Good to you see you too Emmett." I laughed.

"Bella, this is my sister Rosalie." Edward said as I held out a hand to her. "Nice to meet you Rosalie." She took mine and shook it briefly with a polite smile, but I recognized, under no uncertain circumstances, that she was sizing me up.

The four of us took our seats and our waiter came around to take Rosalie and Emmett's drink orders. She ordered a martini and he a beer.

Rosalie turned her clear, blue eyes on me. "Bella, what do you do?" There was a coolness in her voice that I wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

"I am in my Master's program at Northwestern in Comparative Literature." I said taking a sip of my drink to break her gaze.

"Ah, we have a book worm on our hands." Emmett interjected lightly. I smiled.

"May I ask what you do Rosalie?"

"I am a buyer for Nordstrom's Department store."

"Wow that must be fun." I responded with as much lightness as I could muster as my stomach did flips while she looked down at me, critically. She was truly the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, not just in person. Her completion was like porcelain; her makeup was perfect and her lips full and ruby red to match her dress.

"It is for the most part, I travel quite a bit which can get tedious. But I like it." She said taking a sip of her drink.

"Emmett what do you do?" I asked turning to him.

"I'm a Project Manager for a construction company. I get to wear a hard hat and boss people around." He responded jovially. It made me laugh. I liked Emmett. He seemed to say it how it was. This whole time Edward was holding my hand and giving it small squeezes of reassurance.

"So I understand that you met my brother in a less than conventional way." Rosalie said with an odd expression on her face. I glanced between Edward and her and they seemed to be having a strange staring war going on, both of their brows furrowed. Being an only child I could not really relate to sibling interactions so I decided to not comment.

"Yes," I smiled shyly at Edward, "I was being attacked in an alley and he knocked the guy out and then took me to the hospital when I fainted."

Rosalie glared at her brother, "how very stoic of him," sarcasm dripping in her words. I squeezed his hand until he broke her stare and looked at me. I smiled to show him it was okay, to hopefully lighten the mood.

The waiter saved the evening by coming to the table to take our order. I had managed to glance at the menu for a second and decided on the salmon. Edward ordered the same.

Thankfully the rest of the dinner was slightly lighter conversation but Rosalie by no means appeared to warm up. They told us of how they met at a college football game and about their wedding. All of which Edward knew, but I enjoyed the story, and he sat quietly next to me holding my hand resting on the tabletop. They seemed like an odd pairing at first, but it was evident that he adored her and I am sure in her own way she loved him too.

I kept stealing glances at Edward throughout the night and each time I did, my heart skipped a beat as his eyes met mine. When the bill came, Edward and Emmett practically wrestled for it, Edward finally winning in the end sighting some other evening that Emmett had paid for. At that point I felt only mildly more comfortable around his sister. Even if she weren't overpoweringly attractive, she had an edge, a coolness to her that seemed difficult to break through.

We said our goodbyes and parted ways as the valets brought our cars around.

"That went well I think." Not really sure if I believed my words but thankful that the evening was over. I laid my head on the headrest once we were driving through the city streets.

Edward turned to me with apologetic eyes. "I am sorry about my sister. I am sure she is a lovely person…if I'm not around." He scowled.

"She was fine Edward. Maybe she just takes a little longer to warm up than most." I doubt it. She made me extremely nervous.

"You are too sweet for your own good Bella." He smiled as he took my hand and sped through the dark streets to his apartment.

We entered Edward's apartment and before he even turned the hall light on he pulled me to him and kissed me passionately, his lips parting mine feverishly. It was a good thing he has a strong hold on me because my knees literally buckled beneath me. Without a word he led me up the stairs to his bedroom where the rest of the evening played out considerably more enjoyable than the previous part.

I awoke to find strong arms wrapped around me from behind. I felt his breath on the back of my neck and could tell from its rhythmic nature that he was still sound asleep. I had a desperate need to use the restroom, but didn't want to wake him. He had looked very tired last night after his long week. After a few moments of indecision, I could fight it no longer. Carefully, I lifted his arm up and slid my body off of the bed. I dashed to the bathroom on the other side of the room, acutely aware of my lack of clothes. When I came out he had woken up, rolled over onto his back and had his hands behind his head, exposing the full glory of his sculpted chest.

"That's a nice sight to wake up to." He smirked as I crawled back under the covers, shivering. I swiftly stretched my freezing toes to his calves causing a loud yelp in reply.

"Are you sure you want to start something that you cannot win?" He asked as he rolled on top of me, his hands poised at my sides, ready to tickle.

"You wouldn't?" I asked incredulously. He cocked an eyebrow at me in dispute then proved my words wrong as he began his attack my sides. I shrieked in laughter as I squirmed wildly beneath his strong hold gasping for air but he had now pinned my hands at my sides with his knees. Tears were streaming down my face. I managed to wiggle a hand free and grabbed his ass, hard. He yelled and jumped off of me to my side where I took advantage of his distraction and jumped on him, straddling his torso. I pinned his arms on either side of his head as we both attempted to catch our breath from our laughter, our eyes filled with tears.

He sobered up quickly as his gaze took on a different element.

"I love you Isabella." His voice was serious and silky.

I had never seen so much emotion and love pour out of one's eyes, and it was for me. How did I ever get so lucky?

"I love you too Edward. More than I thought possible." I said as I laid my head on his chest; the beat of his heart under my ear providing the cadence to set my happiness by. I released my grip on his wrists as he snaked his arms around my back.


	10. Lions

**Chapter 9: Lions**

It was a warm Sunday in the beginning of May - the nicest of the year so far. I woke up with a smile on my face. Edward had the whole day off and we were spending it together. I hadn't seen him yesterday, he was at the hospital until late and I went out to dinner with Alice, Angela and some other girlfriends. Since I hadn't seen him since Friday morning, I missed him terribly, the ache in my heart acute. He would be here in thirty minutes and I told him I have the whole day planned for us. I hopped out of bed, grabbed a mug of coffee and headed into the shower. Alice wasn't home having spent the night at Jasper's.

I was dressed in jean capris and a striped t-shirt when Edward arrived.

"Good morning beautiful." Edward said as he snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me to him for a wonderful kiss. He has on khakis, a white t-shirt and converse. He looked like a J. Crew model - as always I wondered how I had gotten so lucky, my angel, my Edward.

"What's the plan for today?" He asked as I led him into the kitchen to finish my cup of coffee and pour him one.

"You mean other than bask in the glory of your love?" I smirked, "I am going to take you to one of my favorite places in the city."

"And where would that me?" He asked with a curious expression as he leaned against my counter.

"You will just have to wait and see." I smiled as I grabbed my empty backpack.

Ten minutes later. "Bella, is this really necessary? I have a perfectly good car that we could ride more comfortably in." Edward asked as we walked to the station to board the L.

"Edward, we are in no hurry today to get anywhere, plus, riding the L is part of the 'experience'" I said with air-quotes, grinned at him. He couldn't stand to travel any less than eighty miles per hour while wrapped in leather seats. I dragged his up to the ticket kiosk to refill my L card. The train pulled up a few minutes later and we boarded. Edward held me close to him as we sat down, putting his arm around my shoulder, like someone was going to jump out and try and grab me because we were on public transportation.

The train lurched to our stop in Lincoln Park and I stood up and tugged Edward with me.

As we walked, he kept stealing glances at me. I could tell it was killing him to not know where are final destination was. Over the course of our courtship, he had surprised me countless times. This was my first time giving him a taste of his own medicine.

The day was a perfect sixty-degrees and the sun was warm on my skin. I turned my face up to it and let the heat sink in. A spring breeze picked up sending my hair flying all around my face as we rounded the corner.

We stopped at the entrance. "The Farmer's Market." He said as he looked at the sign, his expression uncertain.

"Yup, I love it here. There are so many hidden treasures. It is a little early in the season for really good produce, like you can get in the middle of summer, but you can still get all kinds of canned products, breads and this market is all organic." I beamed as we walked through the entrance. "Have you ever been?"

"No, never had a reason to, until now." He smiled shyly. I loved when he answered like that, like I was the only reason he did certain things now, which may very well be true, but it made be feel special and loved.

We wandered through the market for the next hour. We bought some jars of homemade salsa, tomatoes, onion, a bouquet of flowers, fresh bread, and fresh mozzarella cheese. I watched him talk with the vendors, dazzling the woman as he asked questions about their growing techniques. Somehow, no matter what he talked about, he made is sexy.

I loaded everything in my backpack and Edward took it from me, slinging it over his shoulder. "Where to now boss?" He said leaning over and kissing the top of my head.

"The zoo!" I exclaimed. A few minutes later, after we walked through the park, I excitedly pulled Edward through the turnstile.

"I don't think I have been here since I was six or seven." He said as we walked hand in hand. We passed by the primate exhibit and watched a baby orangutan playing with her sibling on a big robe swing. It was quite entertaining. They seemed so human in so many ways.

"Which animal is your favorite?" He asked after we had been walking for a few minutes. Passing by the polar bears.

I took a moment to think about it, "the penguins." We stopped in front of their exhibit and watched them dive after the fish that the keepers were throwing. They would dive gracefully in the water, swim around for a moment, and then coming flying back out on to the pseudo-ice.

"Why?" He asked curiously.

"Have you seen that movie about how the penguins? The father penguins sit on the eggs for months at a time, almost starving to death in the middle of subzero temperatures, then the mothers come back and take the babies once they have hatched and travels all the way back to the ocean. It is really touching how they risk their lives for the babies. Plus, they mate for life." I smiled. He seemed to be taking in and processing what I said.

"So what you are saying is you would like me to almost starve and freeze to death for our children?" He smirked. Although he was joking, his words 'our children' made my stomach lurch, in a good way.

I nodded, "yes and I know you would willingly." He nodded in affirmation as he leaned over and kissed me quick.

"What's your favorite animal?" I asked as we passed by the large cat enclosures.

He studied the animals intently. His thoughtful green eyes seeming to take in all of their powerful characteristics as the cats leisurely soaked up the sun, rolling onto their back to expose their white bellies. "The lion," he answered. I saw him focus his gaze behind me.

"Why because your hair looks like his in the morning?" I joked as I reached up on my toes to ruffle his mop. He grabbed my wrist with his hand and pulled me to him with the other. "No, because he is strong and silent. Unless another lion gets near his lioness, then he will not be held responsible for what he might to do protect her." He whispered in my ear as he looked over my shoulder. Chills ran down my spine. I turned in his hold to see two young guys staring at me in a not-so-innocent way.

I proceeded to prove to Edward, with the most passionate kiss I could manage in public that he had nothing to worry about. I had to admit, I didn't normally like jealousy in men, especially unwarranted, but the way Edward said it made it sexy, hot.

We arrived back at my apartment by early afternoon. "What are we going to do with all of our delectable finds from the market?" He said holding up the fresh loaf of bread. A whiff of it made my mouth water.

"We are going to go to your place and I am going to cook you dinner." I said turning on my heel to grab a few things to take with me.

When we arrived at his apartment, I put the bouquet of flowers in a vase on the counter.

"Could you chop up the tomatoes and the onion? We are going to make pasta sauce." I asked. He pulled out a heavy wooden cutting board and began his assignment while I sliced up the mozzarella, another tomato and fresh basil for a caprese salad. I drizzled olive oil and balsamic vinegar on the slices and then covered the plates and put them in the fridge for later. Edward had finished chopping all of the vegetables, so we threw them in the stockpot with some liquid and seasoning so it could simmer for a few hours.

I was standing at the pot after he had washed the dishes. There was a delightful, comfortable silence between us as we worked. I loved it. He came up behind me and wrapped his long arms around my waist, pulling my hair to one side and gently kissing the area where my neck and shoulder came together. I tried to concentrate on stirring the sauce, but my vision was getting blurry as he worked his way up behind my ear. I released a "mmm".

I placed the spoon on the counter and twisted in his arms. His hands came up and embraced my face, pushing me backwards until my lower back hit the other counter. He lifted me up onto the counter so that we were eye to eye.

"I love you Bella. Thank you for a wonderful day." He smiled that breathtaking smile, our foreheads touching, as he pushed my hair gently behind my ear.

I locked my heels around the back of his legs and pulled him closer to me, removing any air between us. "You are welcome - anything to see you smile like that." I replied placing my lips lightly on his. He responded urgently, wrapping his arms around my back, deepening our kiss. My hands went his hair and I began having visions of having my way with him right on the kitchen floor, when I felt his pocket vibrate.

He let out a deep sigh and without breaking our kiss reached for his pager. We finally separated as he looked down at the information on the screen. "I have to call the hospital. I'm sorry," with apologetic eyes. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed the number. I heard a few 'yes', 'okay' and then 'I'll be right in'. He closed his phone and slid it back in his pocket.

"I'm so sorry love, one of my patients has taken a turn for the worse and I need to get to the hospital to see her. I shouldn't be long, a couple hours at the most. Then hopefully we can pick up where we left off." He smiled as he brushed his thumb along my cheek, to my lips, my eyes closed in delight at his touch. I nodded in understanding as I felt his lips touch my forehead.

"I love you." I said slowly opening my eyes.

"I love you too." He paused for a moment, seeming entranced in each other's eyes, and then he headed upstairs to change. I hopped off of the counter and went over to the couch. I had brought one of my many books for school with me and pulled it out of my small duffle bag. Edward ran down the stairs two at a time, as he passed by me he leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "I'll be home soon." Then he rushed out of the door.

It was three o'clock - it would a couple of hours until the sauce had simmered down. I kicked off my sneakers, hearing them thump onto the hardwood floor, cracked open my book and wiggled down into the couch. I managed to read one chapter before sleep overtook me. I dreamt of Edward turning into a lion and attacking those boys in the zoo. Then we were in the kitchen, like before, and he was kissing my neck. I felt my cheeks blush at his touch. It felt so real, the longing inside; my senses were filled with his scent.

He whispered my name, so clearly. "Bella, I'm home." Wait, we are in the kitchen kissing, why is he telling me he is home? I felt a tingling down my cheek and realized I was somewhere between being awake and asleep. "Edward?" I whispered with a sleep-thickened voice.

"Yes, love?"

"Don't hurt those boys with your big teeth." I murmured as visions of lion-Edward flashed behind my eyes, his shaggy mane and lean stalking body. I heard a hearty laugh and the couch shook. My senses were sharpening as I started to come to. I reached out and made contact with a warm, firm surface. I cracked my eyes open and saw Edward hovering over me, my hand on his chest. I blushed at my recent thoughts.

"Good morning." He chuckled. "Who was I hurting with my teeth?" He pulled his top lip back to show his pearly whites.

"Those guys at the zoo. You were a lion. I didn't want you to eat them." I smiled slightly as I stroked his face.

He chuckled. "You think I'm like a lion, huh?" He said twisting his lean body so he was on all fours over the top of me. He grabbed behind my knees and swiftly pulled me down the couch so I was trapped underneath him, my knees pulled up to his sides. I laughed as he bent down and nuzzled his lips into the crook of my neck. My hands instinctively found their way to his soft hair, weaving my fingers through it as I pulled him closer to me as he kissed up and down my neck. I felt like I could purr from the pleasure of his sensual touch.

My hands moved down and worked on the buttons on his shirt. His lips moved to mine now, picking up on the feverish pace. My hands ran down his back to the waistband of his slacks. I let my fingers dip under it along the width of his waist from hip to hip. He released a moan into my mouth as I slid my hand farther down, feeling his arousal.

Without breaking our kiss, he pulled me to sitting, pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra, then gently laid me back onto the couch. He shrugged his shirt off and I took in the glorious sight of his bare chest as he pressed his heated body to mine, forming to me like we were mirrored halves to a mold. We came together as only two lovers can, having memorized every inch of each other's bodies as if it were our own. My heart soared as I internally acknowledged I had all that I could ever want – a beautiful, caring man who loved with his whole heart, who made my heart beat swiftly when he neared, my mood soar at his caring words, and my stomach knot at his caress.


	11. Progressions

**Chapter 10: Progressions**

The next few months passed by in a blur of Edward-induced bliss. Our schedules were hectic with school and work, but we managed to spend most nights together, unless of course he was on-call, in which case he would he stayed at the hospital. Those nights I never slept soundly without him by my side. The rhythm of his breathing heart had become the comforting tempo of my nights.

I had thought of my life before Edward as complete and full, but I guess I couldn't miss what I never had and now I feel like I have it all - I can't even grasp the thought of it ever leaving, living without him.

The one element that hadn't changed was his sister. We had on several occasions gotten together with her and Emmett but Rosalie seemed incapable of shedding the icy facade. Edward repeatedly stressed that it wasn't me, to not take it personally, but I didn't see how that was possible. Did she not see that her brother was happy? Did she want to ruin that for him, after all of his years of being alone? Thankfully we were still able to hang out with Emmett when he would come over to Edward's loft and watch sports. He was always entertaining to be around - never without laughs.

It was a warm evening in mid-June. We were at Edward's; Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Edward and me. Rosalie was away on business for the week. We had ordered pizzas and were sitting around his dinning room table playing black jack. Alice was the dealer, which was always dangerous because she somehow seemed to know what everyone else had in their hands. Thankfully we weren't playing for money, just chips, and bragging rights.

She dealt the cars and we all weighed our options as she went around to each of us. I had an eight of diamond. "Hit me." I said tapping the table very officially. She laid a three of clubs on my pile. "Hit me again." She pulled another card from the stack. It was an ace of spades. "I'm staying." I said.

She moved on to Edward who leaned over to me, "How about whoever wins this hand, wins an evening of servitude." He smirked evilly as he sat up straight. I looked over at him, then at his cards, and nodded in acceptance of his bet. I would take an evening of sexual servitude with Edward any time. I didn't really care who won, because really, we both win in that situation.

Edward had a ten of diamonds facing up. "Hit me." He said. Alice laid down a six of hearts. "I'm staying."

She went around the rest of the table; both Jasper and Emmett went over. Alice flipped her cards to reveal the dealer had twenty. Edward turned his over and he had another six. "Over," I said smugly as I turned my card over. I had a nine of spades.

"I win." I said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. He smirked, with the same thought I had earlier I'm sure, win-win.

Alice was collecting the cards and Emmett got up to get more beers. When he came back to the table and distributed them, Jasper said, "Alice and I have some news we would like to share with you." Alice grinned at him like a silly schoolgirl. "She has accepted my request to move in with me." He said beaming across the table at her.

I jumped up from my seat, "That is great news you guys!" I said pulling Alice's petite frame in for a tight hug. "I am really happy for you." Which I honestly was, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, what was I going to do about a roommate? I could probably find someone at school, but Alice and I had been living together for so long, what if the new person was messy, or didn't know how to dress me, or couldn't cook? It didn't matter, it would work out, I was truly happy for her.

Edward stood up behind me and gave Jasper a congratulatory handshake and shoulder slap and then he hugged Alice.

"Oh geez, does that mean that Alice is going to be living in our building now?" Emmett asked with sarcastic dread. "That's going to mean trouble." His laughter boomed as we all chuckled.

We continued with our game until Jasper had won the majority of the chips and we all gave up. I think Alice was stacking the deck for her new roomie. I was putting the empty beer bottles in the recycling in the kitchen when Alice walked up. "Bella, I'm sorry I didn't talk with you about this before. Are you okay with it? Do you think you will be able to find someone from school to move in? I won't move out until you do." She said while holding my hand.

"Alice, I am really happy for you guys. It's not like I didn't see the writing on the wall. You have been together for years now. It was only a matter of time. I am sure I can find someone to sublet. Don't worry." I responded pulling her in for a hug. I was trying to tell myself the same thing, but I might not be able to find anyone until the new school year started in two months.

"Did you guys talk any more about getting married?" I asked quietly. She nodded her head enthusiastically. "We decided we were going to try out living together for a few months, but assuming all goes well, we did talk about getting engaged. I told him I wanted to be surprised – he said that was very difficult to do, you know how I always seem to see surprises coming, but he would try his best." She was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Oh, that's great Alice! You know you two are perfect together and it is only a matter of time until he makes it official." I said as we turned our heads to look over the countertop to Jasper and Edward talking in the living room. Edward saw me staring out of the corner of his eye and winked at me before he turned back to Jasper. A chill of anticipation ran through me.

Looking at Edward, I felt an unwelcome pang of jealousy at their news. We hadn't been together that long, but it seemed intense, serious. I couldn't go a day without seeing him or kissing him, and if I had to it was almost painful. I never imagined I could find everything I ever wanted all wrapped up into one gorgeous package. Was I ready for such a big step, was he? It didn't matter, I reminded myself, because he had never brought it up and I didn't want to push anything.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett left not long after. I was breaking up the last pizza box to crush into the garbage when Edward came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pushing my hair to the side to expose my shoulder and planting a sweet kiss on the newly bare section of my skin.

"So, what do you wish of my servitude this evening Ms. Swan." He smiled against the skin on my neck. I closed the drawer with the garbage can with my knee and turned around in his arms. I closed my eyes to think of what my demands would be as he placed sweet kisses along my jaw.

"I would like you to play the piano," I murmured, eyes still closed.

"That's not asking much, I would do that without losing a bet." I looked at him and I held up a finger to stop him. "I wasn't finished." I smirked.

"I would like you to play the piano," I reached beneath this untucked shirt to his waistband and flicked the elastic on his underwear, "only wearing those." I blushed at my boldness. "And then I would like you to give me one of your world-renowned massages."

He looked down at me trying to decide if he was going to accept my demands. "Okay, but I'm not going to be the only one sitting there in my underwear," while unbuttoning my jeans then sliding them over my hips.

My breath caught in my throat as his fingers skimmed my rear, my jeans falling to my ankles. I looked up at him in faked shock but then reached down to do the same to his pants as I stepped out of mine, both of us smirking in delight. He put his hand behind my head and drew my lips to his as his other hand worked to pull my shirt over my head. I smiled against his mouth as I started to undo the buttons on his shirt, slowly pushing it over his sculpted shoulders.

Once we were both just donning our underwear, he took my hand and led me over to his piano. He sat on the bench, but pushed his butt to the back so that there was room for me to sit between his legs, my back pressed against his chest. He felt like a cocoon of love around me. I let my eyes closes and my head tilt back onto his shoulder as he began playing. It was a piece I didn't recognize. It started out slow and sweet and grew in intensity, the notes dropping a key, becoming almost erotic.

With my eyes closed and Edward's body rocking with mine, I felt an unbelievable surge of emotions from the music that was filling my body. It made me feel warm inside, and safe, but I also for some reason had a knot in my stomach, of want, a craving for him. It was the exact same feelings I got whenever I thought about how much I loved him. We were connected inconceivably deeply - both physically and emotionally. The music came to a slow, haunting end as he rested his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me.

My voice was barely a whisper, "that was the most beautiful piece of music I have ever heard." I was choked up from it.

"Thank you." He said solemnly.

"Did you write that?" I asked incredulously. He nodded sheepishly, his lips brushing against the bare skin of my shoulder. A zing of passion spread from my core at his simplest touch.

"When?" as I turned to look at him.

He hesitated, but then drew his eyes to meet mine, "after you told me you loved me…that is how I felt inside, how your love feels to me." His green eyes were so intense it seemed like he could see right through to my soul. Like I could dive into them and never come out, never deal with the rest of the world, only Edward and me.

I swallowed hard, fighting back the big lump in my throat, "that is how I feel about your love too, it makes me feel warm and safe, but at the same time, I crave you so much it is overwhelming some times." I said placing my hand on his cheek as I gazed back at him.

"Bella, move in with me. I know it seems sudden, but I don't care. I want you with me all of the time, every night, every day, and every moment in-between." His voice grew in excitement as he spoke. My eyes were wide with shock. Yes, I had just been dreaming about this very thing only an hour ago, but now that it was here, was I really ready? I didn't want to ruin anything between us by moving too fast.

Who was I kidding? He was _all_ I wanted.

I nodded my head enthusiastically. "Yes, Edward, I would love to move in with you." My smile was so wide my cheeks hurt as he molded his lips to mine, twisting me around on the bench so that I was straddling his lap. I quickly became breathless from the intensity of emotions that his lips were passing to mine, sparks and heat. I pulled away for a moment.

"Bella, you have made me the happiest man alive." He said as he kissed my cheek, my neck, my collarbones.

Edward and I spoke about it further in the morning and decided without question that it made much more sense to keep his apartment than mine, which was nothing special. Yes it was a farther commute for me to get to school, but I only had a couple of years left. It was much more imperative that he was close to the hospital.

I was required to give my landlord thirty days of notice in order to not break contract and get our security deposit back. Alice reassured me repeatedly that she would stay in the apartment for the month so that I didn't have to be alone. I told her I didn't plan on staying there much myself and she might as well move in with Jasper as soon as possible since they had already waited so long.

She admitted to me during that conversation that he had asked her months ago, before I had met Edward, but that she didn't want to leave me alone. Once she saw how well Edward and I were doing, how serious we seemed, she felt more comfortable moving out. Little did Alice, or I know, at that time that I would be moving out as well. I felt guilty at her admission that I was the one that had held her back and certainly didn't want to keep them apart any longer.

It was the following Saturday and I was helping Alice to finish packing her belongings for one last trip to Jasper's.

"Bella, I am going to miss you." She said giving me a tight hug. "You have been a great roommate for the last six years." Tears were filling her doe-like eyes.

"You too Alice, it has been a lot of fun. All of this makes me feel so grown-up." I laughed as my eyes saturated as well.

"We still have to get together all of the time okay, and you can call me any time you need fashion advice." She said seriously, which fashion was to her.

"Thank you Alice, you know I will. I won't be able to dress myself every day without you." I replied sarcastically. She scowled back.

Her face brightened. "Bella, I really am so happy that you found Edward. You too are wonderful together." I hugged her again in thanks.

Jasper walked in to take the last box downstairs. Edward, who had just arrived after his morning shift, sauntered out of the kitchen, soda in hand and offered me some. "No thanks." I smiled at him. When I took another glance I noticed he had dark circles under his eyes and his normally warm complexion looked piqued.

I laid a hand on his cheek, "are you feeling okay? You look really tired." He leaned into my touch. "I'm fine, just haven't been getting enough sleep lately."

"I'll stay here tonight and you can go to bed early." I said in concern for him.

"Bella, don't be silly, you know I don't sleep well when you aren't next to me." We both smiled at the undeniable truth in his statement.

"Okay, that is the last of the boxes." Alice said, hands on her hips, as she looked around the apartment on last time.

"Alice, you know if you forgot anything I will pack it up for you," giving her one last hug. She and Jasper said their good-byes. We had plans with them next weekend for dinner, so it wasn't too dramatic of a departure.

Once they had closed the door behind them, I took Edward's hand and led him over to the couch. I sat down, grabbed the remote from the coffee table in the process, and patted the seat next to me.

"Here, lie down." I motioned to him. He kicked off his shoes and spread out on the couch with his head in my lap. I began running my fingers through his soft, auburn locks. His eyes closed and he was sound asleep within minutes. I turned to some wretched made-for-TV movie and settled in for a few hours, filled with contentment.

As the movie got worse, I found myself staring down at Edward's gorgeous face resting on my legs. He truly was the most handsome man I had ever seen. His nose was perfectly straight as I traced the bridge of it with my finger tip. His brows were strong and full of expression. He had high, sculpted cheek bones and a strong jaw line. But my favorite, other than his eyes, which were the most beautiful emerald green, were his full, shapely lips, which I was lightly tracing the outline of - wanting desperately to kiss them.

Two hours passed with Edward peacefully sleeping. I noticed that my breathing had unconsciously regulated its pace to his and I felt happier than I ever remembered being. He truly felt like my other, better half.

The sun was just lowering itself on the horizon on the warm summer day as Edward began to stir awake. He reached his arms up, wrapping one around the back of my head, playing with my hair while his eyes were still closed. I sighed.

"I'm sorry I slept for so long." He said with a sleep-thickened voice, that was still velvety soft.

"That's okay. It gave me time to stare at your perfect face." He scowled at me. "The way that you regard me is ludicrous." He replied pushing himself upright.

I shrugged, that may be true, but it didn't change anything. "Do you feel better?"

He ran a hand through his hair that was disheveled from my constant fingering.

"A little bit. But I feel like I could sleep for a week," resting his elbows on his knees as he put his hands over his face.

I made circles on his back. "Are you hungry, you haven't eaten much all day?"

He shrugged. "Not really. I haven't had much of an appetite lately." He stood up and stretched his arms above his head, exposing his perfectly flat abs. The color in his cheeks looked a little better, but not back to normal.

I stood as well, "you need to go home and rest. You won't do your kids any good if you get the flu. Besides, I have a lot of reading to do tonight, so I won't be much fun," trying to reassure him that his health was more important than spending me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest. He kissed the top of my head.

"Are you sure you won't come read at my place, soon to be our place." He smiled his dazzling smile and pleading with eyes. "Please." I hated when he pulled out that look. How could I say no?

"Okay, but you are going to bed early." He smirked down at me. "Alone!" I scowled.

We arrived back at Edward's loft by six o'clock. We had picked up Chinese take-out on the way which I dove in to, but he picked around, barely eating anything. After dinner we curled up on the couch. I had one of my books for school and Edward was stretched out watching a basketball game. Within thirty minutes he was fast asleep again. I watched him for a few minutes and then retreated back to my reading.

I attempted to extricate him off of the couch around eleven o'clock when I went up to bed but was unable to wake him without causing physical harm. I crawled into his big king-sized bed and proceeded to have a restless night of sleep with out him next to me.

It was one week and counting until I could officially move in with Edward. We had moved a few my belongings already, books and CD's, but kept my furniture at my apartment for now. We would move it the last weekend. Edward seemed to be working longer hours and when I did sleep at his apartment sometimes he wouldn't come home until after ten o'clock - only to immediately fall asleep. He looked exhausted all of the time now. I wanted to be upset with the drastic decrease in the time we had together, but I couldn't very well be upset with him when his time was being spend caring for terminally ill children.

I was meeting with Alice at The Grind on Saturday afternoon. Edward was yet again at the hospital.

"How is living together going?" I asked her as I settled into my favorite leather chair.

"It's great so far. We are definitely still in the 'honeymoon' phase." She motioned with her fingers in air quotes. "I'm sure it will wear off and I will be yelling at him to clean up his clothes or something. But it really is great to not have to think about whether we are going to sleep in the same bed at night or if he is going to be there when I get home. It's very comforting." She smiled brightly.

"I know I can't wait. Edward has been working such long hours lately, I feel like I never see him and when I do he is dead on his feet. At least if we are living together I won't have to worry so much when I can squeeze in five minutes to see him."

"Did he say how long his hours were going to be like this?" while taking a sip of her café mocha.

"No, and I would feel terrible asking, I mean, he is taking care of children. I am sure it will pass and go back to his normal - crazy schedule." I smiled, attempting to reassure myself.

After the coffee shop Alice and I did a little retail therapy. I purchased a ruby red chenille throw for Edward's couch, which was black and really lacking any feminine touch. He had told me to do whatever I wanted with the decorating in the apartment, but I felt a little uncomfortable considering he had lived there by himself for so many years. This was my baby step. I was so excited about the move at his point, I could barely contain it.

I made it back to my apartment by five o'clock, my credit card only slight scathed. I was imagining how nice the throw would look in _our_ place when I walked in the door. Edward was sitting on my couch. "Oh, you scared me!" as I dropped my bags to the floor.


	12. Blackness

**Chapter 11: Blackness**

I made it back to my apartment by five o'clock, my credit card only slight scathed. I was imagining how nice the throw would look in _our_ place when I walked in the door. I flicked on the light. Edward was sitting on my couch. "Oh, you scared me!" as I dropped my bags to the floor.

"Sorry." He said in a quiet, apologetic voice, not getting or looking up. From the angle of his face, I could see that the circles under his eyes were still severe. His cheeks slightly sunken.

I went and sat next to him, but he didn't look at me. "How was your day?" I said weaving my hand into his, which were resting on his legs as he leaned forward. He didn't pull away, but he didn't respond either. He kept his stare focused on our hands in his lap.

A minute passed. "Edward, what's the matter?" My voice was becoming uneven as an impending sense of dread crept over me. This was bad. He had never greeted me like this, always happy when we were reunited. Again, he didn't respond; his eyes intently trained down.

"Edward, you are scaring me. What's going on?" My voice cracked as I pulled on his hand to get a response out of him.

"Bella, I'm leaving. I was offered a transfer into the residence program at the Congenital Heart Institute at Miami Children's Hospital. It is the most prestigious program for my specialty in the country. I am catching a plane in the morning." His voice was smooth and cold, like a piece of granite that was beating me over the head. I shook my head to try and clear it, certain I didn't hear him correctly.

"What do you mean…you're leaving? We are moving in together in a week." Disbelief and panic peppered my tone. Quickly, I gathered my emotions as I realized there was no need for panic. "Well…let me work some things out with school and I'll come with you."

He shook his head. "I don't want you to come with me." As he finally turned to me I saw a face that I didn't recognized – well, I recognized it but hadn't seen it in a very long time – not since that first day at the hospital. My heart felt like it was going to fly out of my chest it was beating so hard. The adrenaline pumped through me, telling me to fight. His eyes were dark and sallow. There was no emotion playing in his beautiful features.

"I don't understand. What has changed in the last week?" The last of my words coming our in a mere squeak – my vocal cords fighting me to not them. My thought process hitched for a moment, then it was starting to sink in as I dissected his last words. "Wait, you…don't…want…me?"

He shook his head slowly, as if to show me how deliberate it was. "I need to be on my own. This situation…isn't working for me, and I can't pass up this opportunity." His eyes were hard, the glint in them nowhere to be found, though I searched them frantically. I had to be misunderstanding him. But what I found, what I saw I was certain of, he was not _my _Edward. It was not the man that I had shared my life with, that I would have given my life for. It was not the man that I shared my body, heart and soul with.

"Don't you…love me anymore?" I murmured, the pain rising up in me like a geyser. I attempted to push it down, to maintain some sort of control as my breath progressed to gasps. He released a sigh, his features softening infinitesimally, his eyes still hard like dulled glass. "I will always care for you."

Well, that changes things. And it finally seemed to hit me, like a Mack truck square in the chest - constricting painfully at my comprehension. The tears were streaming down my face at this point. It made perfect sense. It was only a matter of time before he figured out that he could do so much better than me. He didn't love me, possibly never had. He rose from the couch, but I couldn't look at him. I felt excruciating tremors run through me as he placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned over to kiss the top of my head. "Goodbye Bella."

Everything in my wanted to scream to him, to tell him to stop, that he was being ridiculous. I loved him and he loved me. If there were ever such a thing as soul mates, we were it. But, I didn't, because deep down in my heart, where I thought his heart had resided next to mine, I always knew this day would come.

Even more, I was never _meant_ to love him. One thing I truly knew- knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest- was how love gave someone the power to break you.

As soon as the door clicked shut with a deafening noise, I toppled over onto the couch, pulling me legs up in the fetal position, arms tight around my body hoping to keep the pain from surfacing – but it was too late. It was already there. Eating away at my insides right down to my marrow, twisting its sharp tentacles around my heart and constricting, cutting off the oxygen to my lungs until the blackness swallowed me.

"Bella, Bella, wake up." Someone was shaking me by my shoulders. Go away.

When she wouldn't, I forced myself to consciousness. "Alice?" My throat burned from the tightness of not speaking.

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" Her voice was raised and frantic.

"What do you mean?" I tried to push myself upright, but fell back. It took several tries, my muscles felt atrophied, useless.

"Your professor called and said you haven't been in class for three days! You haven't been returning my calls. You look like hell! Where is Edward?" I physically cringed – my face contorting in pain.

"He's gone." I waved my hand, not making eye contact, as I assessed my surroundings. I was in bed. There were clothes all over my floor. I couldn't remember putting them there. I reached up and patted my head to find knotted, greasy hair.

"What do you mean he's gone? Did he have to go on a trip?" I shook my head.

"He left me, moved to Miami." I strained to force out the words. They burned my throat like fire, leaving it raw and unprotected. She stood over me, examining me, seemingly trying to accept the words I spoke – as implausible as they were.

She let out a big sigh. "Bella," her voice softened as she sat down next to me, "I don't understand. You were supposed to move in together this weekend." I shook my head again as I closed my eyes trying to fight off the agony that was rising up inside me again. I never imagined a pain like this existed in all of the world, and now if felt like I would spend my eternity enduring it. I wrapped my arms tight around my middle, attempting to keep myself whole, and began rocking on the bed, wishing for the peace of unconsciousness again.

She took my hand, leaving me feeling exposed. "What did he say to you? Why didn't you call me?" Tears were streaming down her face now. I wanted to cry with her…but I didn't have it in me. The tears were gone, dried up days ago like my heart.

"It doesn't matter what he said, he doesn't love me anymore…and I'm not sure he ever did." I murmured.

"That's crazy!" Her response was an incredulously yell. "We all saw the way he looks at you, how he loves you. What the hell happened to change that?" Alice was going into fight mode.

I shrugged. I didn't have any fight left in me and frankly it didn't matter - he didn't love me. "Alice, I just can't talk about it anymore. I really need to go to sleep." My body's natural defenses were taking over – it felt like I weighed a thousand pounds. I flopped back down on my bed and pulled the covers over me. I sensed Alice hovering over me, wanting to say more, to battle it out. I closed my eyes and did my best to make it all go away, the pain, the love, the hurt, the longing, the betrayal, all of it. Gone. I wanted to be numb.

I had been asleep for days, or maybe only hours, hard to tell. Didn't matter really. I heard the voice fade into my unconsciousness. It was whispering. I pulled my quilt over my head to block it out, but it still filtered through.

Alice was speaking to someone, assumingly on the phone. "It's not normal, Charlie, and it… and it frightens me," in a frantic whisper. "Not normal at all. Not like he left her, but like he died." I felt the blackness enveloped me once more.

The next week was spent in the same semi-catatonic state. Alice came by twice a day to check on me. By Friday I finally succumbed and showered. My body burned like it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper inside and out as I stood under the hot water, but I couldn't stand to smell myself anymore. Alice called my professors and told them I had a horrible case of the flu. Thankfully they liked me and didn't require a doctor's excuse. She also spoke with my landlord and he hadn't committed the apartment to anyone yet so I was able to resign my contract.

"Bella!" Alice called as she came in the front door. I was in bed, still. "I have your favorite latte and bagel from The Grind. It's a beautiful Saturday morning!" She sang from the kitchen. I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes again, but Alice had been more than patient with me. I begrudgingly pushed myself off of the bed and trudged into the kitchen wearing my holey sweats and t-shirt.

"Morning sunshine." She chimed brightly. I scowled as I slumped myself on the stool across the counter from her. She eyed me carefully as I took a bite of my bagel, my body doing a singsong that I was finally providing it with some nourishment. "Bella, we are going to call Edward today and get this all straighten out. This has gone on long enough."

"No Alice! We are not." I replied in a stern voice. "It's over, he's moved on. It's been over a week and he hasn't called. I saw it on his face, he checked out." I said fighting the lump that was rising yet again in my throat. Seeing the determinations in my eyes, she said no more on the subject.

The weeks passed by in much the same state. I did finally pull myself together enough to go to class for fear of losing my scholarship. I might as well have been on Mars – for I was about as present. Acquaintances and friends from school asked if I was okay, they had heard I was sick. I nodded and forced a thank you for their concern.

The nighttime was the most evil. Nightmares would consume me. I had the same one every night. I was lying on the operating table, awake, and Edward was standing over me in scrubs and a facemask. His beautiful green eyes ice cold. He adjusted the light over my chest, which was bare, completely exposed. He pulled out a scalpel and cut through the flesh on my sternum - I screamed out pleading for him to stop. I tried to fight him, but the nurses grabbed my arms as he cracked my ribs open. My throat would go dry from screaming so hard. Once my chest was open, he would reach inside and pull my beating heart out, holding it in his hands, and then he would throw it to the floor and hastily close my chest back up. When he was done I would look down to see wires coming out of my flesh holding my rib cage together. I would wake up drenched in sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs as I clutched at my chest tight, tearing my nightshirt down to make sure I was still intact. My neighbors must of thought I was some sort of crazy drug addict from all of the noise.

One morning, I'm not certain which day, I heard a knock at the door as I lingered with my new best friend, my only safe haven, my bed. I reluctantly pushed myself up and trudged to the door to see who was interrupting my misery. I looked through the peephole and saw something that made my stomach lurch - my mother. I panicked for a moment, knowing I looked like hell, but decided there was nothing I could do about it now.

I opened the door to let her in. "Hello Mom." I said with as much of a smile as I could muster. It had been over six months since I had seen her, Christmas was the last time, and I should have been happy. But I didn't have it in me.

She stood in the doorway taking in my appearance then slowly stepped in the living room as I closed the door behind her.

"Bella." She said softly as she pulled me to her in a tight embrace. The arms around me did not feel anything like I needed, strong and solid, but they provide a comfort of their own. The softness and smell of Renee brought some calm to my heart.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" My face scrunched in confusion.

"Bella, I have been talking with Alice and your father…and they told me what has been going on, with Edward." I flinched at his name. "Honey, I'm so sorry." Tears were filling her eyes now.

"Mom, it's okay. You shouldn't have come all this way." I attempted to pull together my best acting performance to date, "I'm fine, really." But I couldn't look at her while I said it. I turned to sit on the couch, to hide my face.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are most certainly not fine! Look at you." She held me at arms length and examined me further. "You are skin and bones." I didn't response. I didn't care what I looked like.

Her face softened again. She seemed to be gathering her thoughts on how to deal with me. "Bella, I know that we don't really talk about this stuff. I am certainly not the best person to give relationship advice." She laughed lightly. Through the course of my childhood, Renee was a serial heartbreaker. She only dated one guy at once, but as soon as they got close, she always found something wrong with them and would end it. Then she met Phil, her husband, and she seems to have curbed her old ways. She seems contented.

"From what Alice tells me, you and Edward were very happy together. But, Bella, sweetheart, you can't always know what is going on in someone's head and unfortunately they are not always forthcoming." I knew she was speaking from experience as the one that always broke hearts. "I know it hurts, but if his heart wasn't in your relationship, it's better you found out before you moved in together." I had no answer for that.

I knew she was right, but it didn't make the agony I felt any less. I didn't see any reason to get up in the morning anymore. Nothing in my life brought me any joy. I kept waiting for the time, the distance, to help, but it didn't. Everyday was the same unbearable numbness.

Renee stayed until the next day and then had a flight to catch back to Jacksonville. I assured her that I would do my best to keep on living my life. She told me I could come stay with her and Phil for a while if I needed to. She kept repeating that time heals all wounds. Everything in me wanted to believe her, but this wound felt too deep, my heart was too scared.

Later that week Emmett showed up at my door with a box of things I had moved to_ his_ apartment, I couldn't even internally, say his name. "Hi Emmett, come on in." I said holding the door open for him.

"Hi Bella." He said in his less than usually chipper voice. He looked like he had a thousand pound weight on his big, broad shoulders.

"You can put the box over there." I pointed to a clear corner on the living room floor.

"Thanks," as he set my belongings down. He stood up and turned to me with sad eyes. I didn't want his pity. I squared me shoulders. "How are you and Rosalie?" I attempted a smile and a perky voice. It felt uncomfortable.

"We're good thanks. She hasn't had to travel as much recently, so that's been good. My works really busy since we are in the middle of the construction season." He shrugged his thick shoulders. He kept looking at me with sympathetic eyes. I couldn't handle it.

"Emmett, please stop looking at me like that. I'm fine, really." Again trying to pull the corners of my mouth up. It felt like my skin was so tight that is might snap at the motion.

"Whatever you say, Bella. You take care of yourself." He said putting a solid hand on my shoulder, nearly knocking me over. "You need anything, you give me a call. You have my cell number." He smiled a little, examining my face. I was doing my best to contain the hole that was starting to fester in my gut but I had to wrap my arms tight around my waist for assistance. The motion did not go unnoticed my Emmett, but thankfully he didn't comment.

"Bye Bella." He said as he closed the door behind him. I felt a gust of air leave me in my relief as I was left to my own misery once again. I turned back to the couch and eyed the box on the floor. Thankfully it was closed up, so I couldn't see what was in it. As I plopped down on the couch, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a shopping bag on the floor. I reached over and grabbed it, unsure of what it was. As soon as I did it, I regretted it. The bag held the red throw I had bought on that fateful day. I looked at it for a moment, then ran to the bathroom and threw up.


	13. Time

**Chapter 12: Time**

* * *

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." (Stephanie Meyer, New Moon, pg. 93)

* * *

At the end of August I was on a break for a few weeks from school. I was beside myself with boredom and needed to keep occupied or I was certain I would fall back into an even more depressed state. I had managed to work myself into a semi-conscious holding pattern. But, at least that was an improvement from being asleep all of the time.

"How are the nightmares?" Alice asked as we drove to the mall on Saturday.

I shrugged. "The same?"

"Maybe you should go talk to someone about them. You look exhausted."

"And what, have them tell me that only time can heal a broken heart." I scoffed rudely. Alice scowled at me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bitten your head off," as I hung my head down. "I know I need to talk with someone. Its just…I finally feel as though I am slightly functioning as a human again, and to dredge it all up with a stranger." I shook my head.

"Have you tried to call him at all?"

"Last week I found some CD's of his at my apartment and I called his cell phone, of course hoping to get voicemail, which I did, but his mailbox was full." I said with a frustrated sigh.

"What do you think he is doing that he wouldn't retrieve his voicemails?" Alice asked as she pulled into a parking spot.

"I have no idea." I shook my head from side to side as I slammed the car door shut.

We proceeded into the mall to Alice's favorite clothing store where she said they were having a big sale and she had some coupons as well.

She had loaded me up with articles of clothes and shoved me into a dressing room. I stared the pile for a moment, then conceded and began undressing. "Bella, you have to try this shirt on, it will look so pretty on you." Alice exclaimed from the other side of the dressing room door. She threw over a sapphire blue three-quarters sleeve top. I stared at it in horror as the bile rose up my throat. I ejected it back over.

"What the heck? Did you even look at it?" She yelled as the shirt hit her in the head.

"I can't try that on Alice." I murmured as the pain in my chest constricted. I put my palm up to my sternum, pressing in a vain attempt to hold it together.

Alice swung the door open. I never lock it because she always barges in to see what my items looks like on.

"Bella, are you okay? What's the matter?" She said slightly frantic as she grabbed my upper arms.

"You're sweating. Are you going to be sick?" She steered me over to the little stool in the corner of the dressing room.

I shook my head and after a minute, "_he_ used to tell me how beautiful I looked in that color, it was his favorite on me." I forced the words out as my throat constricted at the memories - the memories of love and happiness that no longer belonged in my life. Alice pulled me to her chest in a hug. I was only wearing my bra, but I didn't protest, I longed for the comfort of someone else's arms, even if they weren't the strong limbs my body craved.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." She was nearly crying with me as my entire frame shook in her tiny arms. I hadn't let myself cry in weeks. I had built my walls up strong and steadfast pushing all the memories of him away to a dark, desolate corner of my brain. Then, one little stupid shirt brought those walls tumbling down, exposing my nerves like a windstorm beating on my skin. Every cell in me hurt as I finally allowed myself to give in. I had no idea until that day in July that anything could cause this much unrelenting agony.

After a few minutes I pulled myself together. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have broken down like that." I murmured as I wiped my eyes.

"Bella, it's me. You don't have to pretend _anything_ for me. I love you and Jasper and I are here for you how ever you need us." She folded herself to the floor of the dressing room.

"I am sorry for pushing you to come out with me today. I thought you were doing better and that going out might cheer you up." She said apologetically.

"Alice please don't apologize. I know you were just trying to help and honestly I thought I _was_ doing better." I chuckled at how wrong I apparently was. I took in a deep breath of air to clear my head and lungs.

"On to happier topics." I said while standing up and grabbing my shirt. "How are the marriage talks going?" I forced a smile.

Alice stood up and got a silly grin on her face. "They're good. He keeps asking little coded questions about jewelry. I don't know why he thinks he can pull one over on me. I always know." She laughed.

"You were the one that wanted the surprise. You know how hard it is to surprise you. Let the man have his fun." I chided lightly.

We didn't shop any more, but grabbed lunch at our favorite Thai restaurant. My appetite was lacking but I forced some food down. My pants were already hanging off of me and I couldn't afford to buy new ones.

I arrived back at my apartment by two o'clock. I took a look around - everything was in impeccable order since recently I had found so much free time on my hands. I decided I could not stand to be there alone with nothing to do. It was a beautiful day, so I grabbed my book and headed out the door. Without much thought I ended up at The Grind. It was quiet inside which made me happy as I headed to the counter to order my latte.

"Hi Bella. Haven't seen you in awhile. How are things? How's Edward?" Pete asked from behind the counter as he systemically worked the espresso machine.

"Um, he moved to Miami for work and I've been busy with school so I haven't been out much." I responded weakly.

"Oh…well it's good to see you." He smiled as he recovered from his uncomfortable blunder then handed me my coffee.

I quickly retreated to the back of the room to my leather chair and settled in for a few hours of blissful reading. When I am reading I can block out everything around me, all unhappy memories, it is wonderful. It is the only time I feel semi-like my old self again.

I was deep into the plot of this vampire love story, not my normal read, but I needed something light, when I sensed someone standing over me. I reluctantly looked up to see Rosalie. I felt my eyes go wide with shock as my stomach dropped to the cushions on the chair.

"Hi Bella." She said hesitantly with a little wave. "Do you mind if I sit down?" I had never seen her look so meager, unconfident. I promptly noticed that she wasn't all made up like every other time I had seen her. She was wearing jeans, a loose t-shirt and almost no makeup. Her platinum blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail. She still looked beautiful of course, just more natural.

I nodded my head – it was the only response I could manage. She sat down. I stared at her as she played with the handle of her purse, her eyes averting me.

"How are you?" Her voice was soft as she looked up at me. She didn't need to know that I was still barely hanging on day-to-day, that I didn't sleep at night and that one stupid shirt in a dressing room could send me into near hysterics.

"I'm okay. How are you?" I asked politely, though I honestly didn't want to know. Looking at her I realized how much her and Edward looked alike. They weren't obvious features, but they had the same nose and general facial structure with high cheekbones, and full shapely lips. The longing to see his gorgeous face was rising up in me like a tide.

Rosalie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Look, the reason I am here…I don't know why you and Edward broke up." She chuckled darkly. "Obviously we aren't that close for him to tell me. And I know you and I never became friends, well, because I never allowed it, and for that I am very sorry." She looked up at me with repentant crystal blue eyes. "I don't dislike you Bella." Her voice softened. "On the contrary, I think you are a very nice person and you are a wonderful match for my brother." I didn't understand where she could possibly be going with this conversation. I didn't need to hear what a great match Edward and I were when my heart was literally shriveled up and dead from him.

"Rosalie," I said reaching out and placing a hand over hers. She raised her gaze to meet mine. "Don't worry about it. It's all in the past. Things didn't work out with us and we've moved on." I choked on those last words – at the lie, at least for me. He certainly seemed to have.

"No Bella, I _need_ to say these things." She shook her head from side to side causing her ponytail to sway back and forth on her long, elegant neck. I nodded my head slightly to concede and let her say her peace.

"I saw how happy you made my brother and it was inexcusable the way that I acted towards you and him. I should have been nothing but happy for you two. I just…I have been mad at him for so many years." I was shocked to see that her eyes were tearing up.

"I didn't know any other way to behave towards him. I knew in my heart that it wasn't his fault, the accident. But I needed someone to be angry with, for losing my parents so young. They weren't here for any of it, my graduations, my wedding, and now Emmett and I are expecting and our baby will never know how wonderful their grandparents were." She dabbed the corner of her eye with a tissue as I sat stone still listening to her pour her heart out. It was a side of Rosalie I _never_ thought I would see.

"Congratulations." I said sincerely. "Thank you." She replied softly with a little smile.

"Also, strangely, I feel protective of him, though I know I certainly don't show it. The only other person that he had ever been close to was his high school girlfriend, Jessica. When the accident happened, he as expected, was a mess. I know they were young and she probably didn't know what to do. But instead of telling him that, instead of saying she couldn't support him, she slept with his best friend. It was more than he could take. He was _so_ broken afterwards. The one person he trusted other than his family completely betrayed him." She paused for a minute while I absorbed yet another tragic occurrence in Edward's past. He has been the consummate gentleman and related the story a bit differently to me. "I didn't think you would do anything like that, but I still felt the need to be protective of him. To make you work for my friendship. It's silly really.

"So now, I know I have no right to come to you and ask this favor. I know you don't owe _me_ anything. But I am asking none the less." She took in a swift inhale. I braced myself at her next words, having no idea what Rosalie could ask of me.

"Like I said, I have no idea what Edward told you when you broke up, and I don't want to pry, but I can assure you it was a _lie_." I felt my hands start to shake on my lap as his words circulated through my mind for the thousandth time. 'I don't want you to come…this _situation_ isn't working for me…I will always _care_ for you.' He didn't love me anymore. I shook myself back to the present. I felt Rosalie staring at me, expectantly. I couldn't let her see how much I hurt, how much damage he had caused, like a wrecking ball through a trailer park.

"I don't know a gentle way to put this Bella…but Edward…is dying." My head snapped up at her words.

"What do you mean, he's _dying_?" I stammered. My face crumpled in confusion.

"He had a relapse of his heart condition that he had surgery for when he was a kid. He is in the ICU at Northwestern Memorial. He needs a heart transplant and refused it. He doesn't want me tell you all of this, to get you involved, but I didn't know what else to do." She said with an angry, furrowed brow. I searched her eyes for any inkling that she wasn't telling the truth, to my disbelief, I couldn't find it as I watched the tears roll down her cheek.

The shock waves were hitting me, the knots in my stomach tightening. I had begun to accept that Edward was no longer in _my_ life - that he had moved on - but the idea of him no longer existing was inconceivable, horrible.

"He is refusing the surgery and is going to die if he doesn't have it done, soon." She stated more calmly.

"Why is he refusing it?" confusion coloring my tone.

"He said he would rather someone else get it than him." Her voice was angry now.

"Well that's ridiculous!" I yelled. Then, after a minute, I managed to gather my emotions. "But I don't understand what I can do?"

"Before you two broke up, when you were moving in together, he had changed his Health Care Proxy to your name," her expression growing a little harder. I could decipher she didn't like that fact, that it frustrated her. "He didn't change it back after you separated. Personally, I think on purpose, thinking I would never involve you. If he is incapacitated, only _you_ are able to determine what medical procedures and treatments he has done."

"Is he incapacitated?" I squeaked out, unable to imagine Edward, who to me was the picture of masculinity and strength, unable to make decisions on his own behalf.

"The doctor's have him in a medically induced comma to lessen the strain on his heart. He has all of these machines hooked up to him to help his heart function. Bella, it's awful." She started to break down again. I reached out to her hand again and she grabbed mine tightly.

"Is it even possible to get a donor in time?" I remember he had told me that patients sometime sit on the transplant list for years.

She nodded in affirmation as she blotted her eyes. "Because his condition is so sever and he is young with no other ailments he would be bumped to the front. If you sign to allow the surgery, he would get the next available heart." Her eyes were pleading with me.

"Like I said Bella, I know I have no right to ask favors of you, but I can't lose Edward too. I have been a terrible fool all of these years staying angry with him. And now, the thought of him dying, of me not being able to make amends, for him to not meet his niece or nephew, it is insufferable."

I nodded in agreement. The thought of Edward not walking this earth_was_ excruciating. It made what little was left of my heart crumple further. As upset and hurt as I was by Edward leaving me, I wasn't angry with him, I couldn't be; I wasn't enough for him and I knew that now, part of me knew it then.

"I don't understand why he doesn't want the surgery that will save his life? How can I possibly make that kind of decision on his behalf?" My mind was swimming in incomprehension at the turn my afternoon had taken.

Rosalie squeezed me hand, "you don't need to make a decision right now. Just come to the hospital with me to see him." Her beautiful blue eyes were circled with red and worry.

"Yes, of course I can do that." I spoke the words and knew I could go through with it. I didn't know what shape I would be in after. But, regardless of what I needed, or how he did or didn't feel about me, Edward was dying and I couldn't stand my any do nothing.

"Can you come now?" She said as she stood up. I nodded my head and gathering my belongings. "Did you walk or drive, I thought Edward said your apartment was near by?" She asked as we pushed the glass door of the coffee shop open. I didn't even bother to ask how she had found me.

"I walked." I stated numbly but was surprised at how calm I felt. A small part of me still thought that she would tell me she was joking, a terrible, demented joke, but a joke. This just couldn't be real.

"Good, I can drive us then." She said pointing to a red BMW across the street. As we got in her car I fumbled with my seatbelt. We sped off towards the hospital, to the love of my life lying in a coma, it all hit me - this was for real. I began gasping for air, clutching at the seat below me. "That is why his voicemail on his phone was full." I mumbled to myself.

"So you have tried to call him?" She asked while not taking her eyes off of the road.

"Yes, I have some of his things at my apartment." I felt a desperate needed to call Alice and relay this all to her, hoping it would bring me to the present, it was all sinking in with dizzying results. I felt like I might hyperventilate as I grasped the door handle for dear life. Edward was dying and he needed me. Why would I ever question helping him? What kind of person am I?

Rosalie stayed silent while the gravity of the situation came crashing down around me. I looked up at her with desperation in my eyes to will her to drive faster. No matter what happened between us, I would not be responsible for him leaving this earth.

We pulled into the visitors' parking lot of Northwestern Memorial ten minutes later. I followed Rosalie silently as she weaved her way through the corridors to the intensive care area.

As we walked, my hands began trembling. I shoved them in my pockets. Now was not the time for me to have _another_ break down. Rose walked to the nurses' station in the center of room, which had doors in a circle around it. I could hear the overlapping beeps of the machines monitoring each patient.

"Hi Carol." She said sweetly to the middle-aged nurse behind the desk.

"Hi Rose. Do you ever go home and sleep? You need to take care of yourself with that baby on the way." Carol reprimanded in a sweet, motherly voice.

"I know, but I wanted to bring one of my brother's friends by to see him." I smiled at the nurse, which was a strained effort given my state of mind. All I wanted was to see Edward – to see for myself what the hell was going on.

"Has anything changed?" Rose asked the nurse.

"No honey. Still the same." She replied sadly. Rosalie nodded and then turned away from Carol. We walked a few more paces and she pushed open the door to a room that said 'Masen, E.' on the paper tag on the wall.

If I had thought I was prepared for what I would see, that I would be able to handle it, I have never been more wrong in my life. I gasped, putting my hand over my mouth to stifle the cries. It looked like a shell of the man that I knew, that I still loved. He had more tubes and lines coming out of him that I thought possible. There was machines all around his headboard and off to the side. He was pale and is face was sunken in, but he was still my beautiful Edward. He looked peacefully sleeping. The afternoon that we laid on the couch and I watched him sleep came flashing back to me in painful spurts. The stark differences in his appearance were evident.

I tore my eyes away from his life-less form and looked around the room. There were balloons, cards and flowers stretching every corner. Pictures, I would assume from his patients saying to 'get well'.

"Rose…how long has he been here?" I asked in a weak voice.

"Six weeks." She stated as she pulled up the chair from the corner of the room. My heart dropped even further in my chest. This whole time he has been lying in this hospital bed while I self-indulgently worried about myself. Why didn't he tell me about this? He may no longer love me, but I still would have supported him as a friend.

I crossed the short distance to his bed. I watched him for a minute and then gently picked up his limp, pale hand, careful to not jar the IV line. I reached up and pushed the hair off of his forehead and the tears ran silently down my face. For a moment, I was lost in my love for him. He was all that mattered, being close to him again. The beeps of the machines faded away and it was just Bella and Edward again.

Reality forced it's way back into my vision and I knew without a doubt what I needed to do.

"Rose, where do I need to sign to get him a heart?" She pushed back her chair and hugged me around the shoulders from behind. "Thank you." She whispered as she left the room. I bent my head over our entwined hands and prayed that I was doing the right thing. Whatever his reasons for refusing the surgery, and I couldn't fathom any that made sense, I hoped he would forgive me for this.


	14. Waiting

**Chapter 13: Waiting**

Rosalie came back in the room with several hospital staff members. The cardio-thoracic surgeon, Dr. Malner, explained the situation to me again, using more complicated medical terms. Edward was in congestive heart failure. The structure of his heart was no longer functioning properly and surgically there was no way to repair it. The best and only answer at this point was a heart transplant. Dr. Malner explained that the recovery time from it can be extensive and that he would need to be on immunosuppressant medication for the rest of his life to ward of the possibility of his body rejecting the new heart.

"How long does it typically take for a donor to come through?" I felt awful asking knowing someone else had to die for Edward to get a heart.

"It is hard to say," the doctor said, "it varies greatly. But given Edward's current condition and the fact that he is young, we hope no longer than a couple of weeks. We will do everything we can through the national donor network to make it happen as soon as possible." He said encouragingly.

I nodded my head obligatorily as they explained everything. Rose was at my side holding my hand in reassurance. The legal person explained my responsibilities as his designated Health Care Proxy. After an hour of legal and medical jargon I finally was able to retreat back into the chair next to Edward's bed, exactly where I wanted to be. Rose was in the hall talking with Emmett.

I picked up Edward's hand in mine placing a kiss on the back. "Edward," my voice low and thick with emotion from the day. "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know I am here for you. I'm not going to leave your side. I hope that you are not terribly angry with me for signing for your surgery, but…I'm just not ready to let you go," _even if you no longer want me _I finished silently.

Rosalie walked back in, smiling for the first time all day. "Bella, I know this was a lot to ask of you." I shook my head no. "No, it was. Like I said, I have no idea what happened between my brother and you, but he was being a fool. You are an exceptional person," bending down and kissing my cheek. I blushed at her kind words.

I stayed with Edward until eight o'clock when visiting hours were over. The staff said I needed to leave because I wasn't family. Rose said she would speak with the hospital Director tomorrow about making an exception considering how important my role was. As sad as I was to leave his side, I needed some time alone to collect my thoughts.

Rosalie said she would drive me, but I reassured her I would be fine taking the L. I arrived home by quarter to nine and plopped myself on the couch, taking a deep breath for the first time all day. I wandered into the kitchen and found some left over pizza and ate it cold while I called Alice.

I relayed the entire afternoon to her. She was in as much shock as I was. When he broke up with me, Alice had been considerably angrier with him than I was, I was too much of a wreck to be angry. I told her about having to sign to consent for him to receive a new heart. It was certainly never a situation I envisioned myself in – my former love, who no longer loves me, needs me to sign for a life saving procedure against his wishes. Sounds much more like a soap opera than my boring life. How did I end up here?

The next morning I was at the hospital by nine and Rose and Emmett showed up shortly after. Emmett walked in the room first while she finished up a phone call in the hall, cell phones aren't allowed in the rooms. "Hi Bella. I know Rose has already thanked you, but I'd like to thank you again, for doing this." Emmett said in his less than usual perky voice as he gave me a hug. "Also, I hope you know that if I could have told you about all of this, that day at your apartment, I would have. Edward made us promise we wouldn't tell anyone what was going on. He didn't want anyone's pity. But as you can see," he pointed to all of the cards and drawings on the walls, "his patients found out somehow." He winked.

"Emmett, really, like I told Rosalie, it wasn't that much to ask. But, you're welcome. And I understand, about not telling me, we weren't together any longer." I said turning back to Edward. The lump expanding in my throat.

"Hi Bella" Rosalie said as she walked in. I gave her a little wave from the bedside.

"So, do we just wait now, for someone else to die? That's morbid." Emmett asked as he shoved his big hands in his jeans' pockets, looking ever more like a kid.

"That's what the cardio-thoracic surgeon said." I replied as I picked up Edward's hand again.

At ten o'clock Alice and Jasper walked in. Rosalie and Emmett went down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast saying that the baby never lets her forget to eat.

"Oh Bella!" Alice said as she hugged me. "How are you holding up?" Pushing me back by my upper arms so she could look me in the face.

"I'm okay, still kind of surreal. I just hope a donor comes through quickly." I replied turning to look at Edward. That reminded me, I had never asked Jasper, because frankly I didn't want to know at the time, but he and Edward had become good friends.

"Jasper, did you talk with Edward at all after we broke up?" I wouldn't have held it against him if they did and he didn't tell me.

"I called him a few different times but never spoke with him. The last few times his voicemail on his cell was full." He shrugged.

"I got that too when I called last week. It all makes more sense now."

Alice and Jasper visited for half hour then had to run some errands. There is only so much you can do in a hospital room with a comatose patient, so I understood them not staying. About a half hour after they left Rosalie and Emmett came back in. I had been grateful for the peace and quiet with Edward. I whispered quietly to him, told him about the book I was reading and the classes I was taking in the fall. I had no idea if he could hear me, but I thought, if I were in a comma, I would want someone to talk to me. Once they were back I headed down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, even though I wasn't hungry in the least.

Rosalie spoke with the Director on Monday and he agreed that I could visit whenever I wanted even though I wasn't family. Thankfully it sounded like she didn't go into our whole history and how we weren't even dating any more. Even if they had told me I had to leave, I would have found a way to stay. I couldn't bear the idea, now that I knew what had been going on, to be away from him and have something happen. If he took a turn for the worse.

I repeated the same process every day that week. I would arrive at the hospital by nine. I would have been there sooner but the train ride was thirty minutes each way. On Thursday I was sitting in my usual seat next to his bed, holding his hand as I read. Rose walked in after lunch.

"Bella, I know it is a long commute for you to get here everyday. Here is the key to Edward's apartment. It's walking distance and it would be so much easier on you." She said holding up the unoffending gold object. I just sat there frozen, staring, my eyes darting from the key to her porcelain face and back again. She must have understood my discomfort.

"Here take it. If you don't use it, that's okay, but at least you will have the option of staying someplace closer," thrusting it at me. I took it from her and stared at it like it was going to bite my nose off. After a moment, I tucked it in my pocket. I would decide later. I had never intended on returning to that apartment, especially since I had thought for these last two months that he hadn't lived there. The walls were saturated with our happiness. Would I be able to bear it, being surrounded by them, knowing I would never have that again?

By Sunday we still have no news about a donor, but the hospital staff assured us that it could still take a few weeks. They had discussed bringing Edward out of his medically induced coma, but his heart function had improved while he had been in it, so they decided to stay on the same course. I had been carrying the key in my pocket everyday, and everyday the commute seemed longer, especially at night. It was that much less time I had to spend by his side. So, that afternoon, I decided to walk to his place.

It was a beautiful day as I traveled the five blocks through both commercial and residential areas. He certainly lived in a nicer area than I did. I had never taken the time to notice the area in detail, always too concerned with getting to the occupant inside.

When I arrived at the building, by heart started fluttering like crazy. I took the elevator to the fifth floor and slowly walked the hall to number 503. I froze in front of the door, key at the ready in my shaking hand. My heart was beating so hard in my chest I thought it might just fly out if I removed my hand from over the top of it. My breathing became shorter and labored. I stared at the brass 503 on the door like a gremlin was going to pop out of it. I just couldn't do it. I turned and ran down the hall to the elevators. Once safely inside I allowed the tears that had been fighting their way to the surface to be revealed.

I staggered to the sidewalk in a daze and made my way to the train station to go home. As I sat on the train, lost in my own agony, I thought about why I had just panicked. I realized the wounds in my heart were as fresh as the day they had been inflicted. When I saw that door, I comprehended yet again that I was never going to live there. I was never going to experience the intimate moments, the bliss, the feeling of unfaltering love that I had felt so many times within those walls. To hear Edward plays his piano, the way that it filled me with longing and deep seeded love for him; to cook dinner side by side; to take a shower together; to wake up with him next to me in his beautiful, big bed. Everything that made me feel alive and in love with him, was all gone to me. And when all was said and done and Edward got his heart. He would be gone to me as well.

By the time I arrived home I was exhausted. I trudged back to my bedroom and crawled in bed without washing my face or brushing my teeth.

On the sixteenth day, Rosalie and I were sitting in Edward's room attempting a crossword puzzle, one of many to keep us occupied. Over the course of the last two weeks, she and I had almost become friends. I say almost because I do not think it is in her nature to be a 'girlfriend', but she was certainly trying and I give her credit for that. As I filled in ten down with 'languish' Dr. Malner walked in with a smile on his face.

"Rosalie, Bella, we may have a heart for Edward." He said.

"That's great! But, what do you mean you _may_?" I blurted out.

"We need to check some different variants of the donor against Edward's but if they are a match, we can more forward with the transplant. We could have Edward on the table and ready to receive the organ by two o'clock when the it arrives from Indianapolis." Rosalie and I both looked at each other with guarded excitement.

"Just sit tight for another thirty minutes or so, then we will know for sure. If it is a go, we will take Edward in immediately and prep him for the transplant." The doctor gave us a reassuring nod and walked out.

Rosalie and I both burst out in excitement and grabbed each other for a tight hug. "I can't believe this might actually happen." She cried over my shoulder. "I am going to call Emmett so he can get here in time in case he does go into surgery." She said releasing me and reaching for her phone. I wanted to call Alice, but decided I would wait until we knew for sure the donor was a match.

As Rose spoke with Emmett I went back over to Edward's side and put my hand on his forehead. It was hard to believe that in the two weeks I had been coming to the hospital, he hadn't moved or changed. The nurses would come in and sponge bath him and move him around a little so his muscles didn't get too atrophied, but he looked the same as the day I walked in here, pale and weak, but still utterly handsome.

"Edward, they may have found a heart for you. If you can hear me, I know you may be scared, I know I am. But the doctors know what they are doing. I really could have used you to explain some of the medical terms they have been throwing at us." I chuckled. "I will be here, at your side, when you wake up." I whispered.

Not long after Rose got off of the phone, the surgeon walked back in beaming. The donor was a match. Rosalie and I squealed again. Within ten minutes the surgical staff was in the room preparing him. The surgical nurse explained that they needed to get him in the operating room and his chest open so that when the donor heart arrives they can put it right in. The longer it is out of the body, the less likely it was to be successful. Plus, Edward would be on bypass and that in it self was risky.

My stomach was dropping with each bit of explanation the specialists gave us. It all sounded so risky, but she reassured me that with Edward's age and physical condition, he had little doubt that it would be successful.

The next five hours were the longest of my life. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and I were in the surgical waiting room. I was staring at my hands because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Alice walked in with coffees. "Here Bella." She handed me one.

"Thanks Alice," giving her a weak smile in return.

"He's going to be okay." She said as she sat down. I had no response for that – I wanted to believe it with all my heart, but until I saw his beautiful green eyes again, I wouldn't let myself hope.

At five o'clock Dr. Malner walked into the waiting room and took a seat next to our group. He pulled his cap off. He looked exhausted.

"The surgery went well and was a success. The donor heart looked good, very healthy and I don't think, though we never know for sure, that he will have any rejection issues. Once we were in there and saw the extend of the damage to Edward's heart, I was again reassured that a full transplant was our only option."

"Why did the damage happen in the first place?" I asked.

He turned to me with kind eyes, "when he had his surgery when he was younger, it repaired the defect in his left ventricle. But as his heart grew, the defect presented itself again. Even with our advanced diagnostic equipment, we weren't able to see it with his regular check ups. Plus, it appeared as though a virus had affected his heart. It is not that uncommon of a scenario, but since his was already compromised, it couldn't handle the additional strain and began to malfunction. The heart tissue was too damaged by the time we found it to surgically repair it again." I nodded in semi-understanding.

"When will we be able to see him?" Rose asked as she grasped Emmett's hand.

"He is in recovery now and will be until he is lucid. I can take one of you back to see him now and the rest will have to wait until he is moved back into his room in ICU." He said while looking around at us.

Rosalie turned to me, "you go Bella. He should see your face when he wakes up." She said to me in a whisper. I looked at her with uncertain eyes. I wanted nothing more than to be by his side, but I wasn't family, I wasn't even his girlfriend anymore. "Go." She said while shooing with her hand. "Thanks Rose." I whispered as I stood up to follow the doctor.

The walk to the recovery area felt like ten miles. I would never have been able to find my way on my own. The nurse greeted me and showed me which curtain he was in. She pointed out a seat and said it may be a little while until he woke up. I pulled up the tan plastic chair, the same hard, uninviting kind I had been sitting on for the last two weeks. My butt felt molded to it. It seemed as though he had less tubes coming out of him now, and certainly less machines. There was a blood pressure monitor, his IV stand and one other heart monitor. I noticed immediately that the color in his cheeks looked better.

I tentatively reached out and took his hand in mind. I bent down and kissed the back of it. I felt so happy just to be by his side again, my heart was lighter. I leaned over and rested my forehead on the edge of his bed.

I must have dozed off a little, but was startled when I felt a small squeeze of my hand. My head flew up in disbelief - to have him respond to my touch after all of these days of him seeming lifeless. I stood up and looked at his face and could see his eyes starting to flutter open. Mine filled with tears of joy to see him finally coming to life.

I sat there patiently waiting to see his response. My stomach was in intense knots, if I had eaten anything recently, it may not stay down, but I had barely eaten all day. I was torn with anxiety – part of me longed for this moment, to see him awake and recovering - but the other part – _my_ heart - dreaded it. The idea of leaving his side when he reaffirmed that he didn't want me in his life ate away at me. But, for the moment, all that mattered was Edward. I would deal with my own damaged heart later - his was as good as new now.

He squeezed my hand again and his eyes slowly opened. He looked around for a moment and then turned his head to me. I couldn't speak. Any words I would have said were lodged like a rock in my throat as I fought back tears.

His eyes searched mine in confusion. "Bella?" he whispered.


	15. Truths

_A/N: I don't normally like these, but I had to say a **big thank you** to everyone who has read and reviewed my story. The response has been unbelievable._ _And while I try to write back to everyone, I apologize that I haven't been able to write back to all. But, the good news is, I am so blown away by the response, that I am posting another chapter today!! Thank you again for making this so much fun for me. Enjoy ;)_

**Chapter 14: Truths**

After a minute, "Bella?" he whispered.

"Edward." I think it was the first time I said his name aloud and my heart didn't retch.

He tightened his grip on my hand again. "Did I have surgery?" He forced out as his beautiful green eyes searched mine for comprehension.

I nodded, "yes, you had a heart transplant." I wanted to apologize for playing God with him, for going against his wishes, but I simply couldn't be sorry for acting to keep him alive, walking this earth.

"Did it go okay?"

"Yes, Dr. Malner said it went very well and he does not anticipate any complications. They have you on a whole slew of medications to help with the recovery. I'm sure he will explain everything to you." I couldn't for the life of me remember what any of them were. "He said you could be out of here and home in a week."

"How long have I been here?" His voice grew a little stronger the more he used it.

"Eight weeks." His eyes got wide for a second and then they relaxed. "How long have you been here?" A small smile played on the corners of his lips.

I looked away, afraid of his response. "Just over two weeks."

"Your voice was in my dreams, like an angel. You and my sister were doing cross-word puzzles." He tried to laugh but it clearly pained him.

Before I could respond, the nurse came back to check on him. She pushed a series of buttons on the machines and recorded the data. While she worked, Edward stared at me, searching my face for answers. I sat there smiling, the whole time wanting to break down in tears for I was certain that at any moment he would tell me to leave.

When the nurse departed, he was closing his eyes. I thought I would leave him and let him rest. I stood up and gently tried to extricate my hand from his, but he tightened his grip. "Please stay." He murmured, turning to me. My heart sped up with a little inkling of hope. I nodded and sat back down, my hand still entwined in his.

He stayed in recovery for another hour. The surgeon came to check on him, also looking at the data from the machines and said everything looked good. All of his levels were back up within normal healthy range. I let out a sigh of relief. Once we got back to the ICU room, everyone was there waiting to see him. I tried to take a step back to allow then room around the bed, but he wouldn't let go of my hand, so I moved up closer to his head and put my hand on his shoulder. Maybe he was overwhelmed and needed reassurance.

Edward was fully awake but very tired. He and Rose seemed to have come to a silent understanding as she wept over him, telling him he better never leave her. He patted her head and told her it would be okay. She told him about the baby, apparently they found out after he was put in the coma. He was ecstatic he was going to be an uncle.

After she was done crying she raised h er head, "you're so _stupid_ Edward. If it weren't for Bella signing for the transplant, you would be dead!" She yelled. I had yet to reveal that little tidbit of information, for selfish reasons, I wasn't ready to leave his side.

He reached up and grabbed my hand, pulling me around so he could see me. His eyes were intense. "Is that true?" I nodded meagerly. He didn't say anything else. It was eating away at me not knowing what his reaction was.

Alice and Jasper went home and Rosalie and Emmett followed shortly after. Edward looked exhausted and was fighting sleep so I was preparing to leave as well. I was uncertain if I was going to return the next day, if he wanted to see me. I stood up and grabbed my purse.

"Will you be back in the morning?" He asked softly with closed eyes.

"If you want me to."

He opened his eyes and turned the full force of them on me, "very much so."

"Okay I will be. Sleep well." He closed his eyes again as a small smile played on his lips. I stood there for a moment and then retreated down the hall. My heart was racing with hope, hope that would literally kill me if it weren't true, that he might still feel something for me, maybe not love, but friendship at the very least. I could deal with that. I would rather have Edward in my life as a friend than not at all. The other alternative nearly killed me.

I arrived at the hospital at nine the next morning, eager to see Edward, but cautious at my optimism. I decide if there was any chance that he felt something for me, I wasn't going to work against it by going to see him in jeans and t-shirt like I had been. I spent a little more time getting ready. Still wearing jeans, but instead a short-sleeved button-down blouse, wedge sandals, a little makeup and I actually dried my hair. When I pushed the door open, he was alone watching television.

"Good morning." He smiled at me. He looked better, like he got a good night sleep. The color in his cheeks was back to normal and the nurses must have come in and cleaned him up already because his hair was shiny and combed.

"Good morning." I replied as I took my customary plastic chair. I consciously kept my hands on my lap. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did once they gave me some more morphine, as you can imagine, having your chest cracked open doesn't feel so good. I have a new appreciation for my patients." He said lightly as he turned his head to look at me. "You look beautiful," reaching out a hand to me which I tentatively took as he entwined our fingers together, but wouldn't allow my eyes to meet his. My heart was pounding, but I couldn't let him see what his words meant to me.

"Have you eaten anything yet?" I asked casually trying to divert his attention, straightening the blankets around him. He grimaced. "I tried, but I don't have an appetite yet. I think my stomach forgot how to work." He chuckled, the sound of which made my heart sore. Any pain I had to go through was worth this, knowing he was still alive, laughing.

"Bella," he turned to me with an intense gaze. "There is something I need to explain to you." I was leaning forward in my seat when Emmett startled us by crashing through the door.

"Good morning sunshine!" He bellowed. "Don't you look chipper," as he came around the bed to shake Edward's hand. Rosalie followed behind him with a bottle of water in hand.

"Hi Edward. How are you feeling today?" She asked sweetly. It was obvious that their relationship, for all of its ups and downs, was stronger for having endured this epic.

"I'm good. I think the doctor said they were going to try and get me up and moving around later. That should be a treat. I wonder if I have any muscles mass left." He said lightly. He was terribly thin.

I sat at his side quietly as he absentmindedly played with my fingers, the way he used to when we watched television together, while he chatted with Emmett and Rose. I had no idea what he had to explain to me, other than why he thought it was a good idea to refuse life saving surgery. He didn't seem angry with me for making the decision for him, but I was bracing myself for the worst.

Alice and Jasper showed up around eleven o'clock and since I knew I wasn't going to get any time alone with Edward, I decided to head to the cafeteria.

"Bella, wait up, I'll come with you if that's okay." Rose said as she hustled out of the room to meet me in the hall. "He looks really good today. It's amazing how quick the changes." She commented as we waited for the elevator.

"Yes it's amazing what a healthy, functioning heart can do for ones appearance." I replied with a smile.

"Has he said anything to you about signing for the surgery?"

I shook my head, "no, and frankly if he is upset with me, I don't want to hear it. Nothing can make me regret doing it." I said firmly as we walked into the cafeteria.

"You and me both. If he is angry with you, he will have to answer to me. And I have raging pregnancy hormones on my side." She laughed as she grabbed a piece of fruit and a yogurt. I picked up a sandwich and a bottle of soda. Rose and I ate our food and headed back up the room. By the time we arrived Alice and Jasper were getting ready to leave.

"Rose, we have to get going too. I have a deadline at work and you can't put off your job any longer." Emmett said lovingly as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, which was just barely starting to show signs of the baby growing inside.

"Bella, when does school start for you?" Rosalie asked as she picked up her purse.

"Monday," I sighed.

"We'll see you later Edward, after work." Rosalie and Emmett waved goodbye.

Once they had closed the door behind them, Edward turned to me. "I feel terrible that you are just sitting by my side. I am awfully boring right now," with an apologetic smile.

I shrugged me shoulders, "it's okay. I'm where I want to be." I replied without connecting with his eyes. I was certain that mine would betray that I was still hopelessly in love with him. Edward stifled a yawn as he reached out for my hand again.

"I'm sorry, the medication is making it very difficult to keep my eyes open."

"That's okay. You're still more animated than you had been." I laughed, which made him smile. "That's a nice sound." He murmured. "What?" I asked. "You're laugh, I've missed it." By now his words were slurred from the weight of sleep. I wasn't certain he even knew what he was saying, but my heart soared none-the-less.

I left the hospital shortly after he fell asleep. I had been severely neglecting chores I had at home and now that he was on the mend, I thought I would take a few hours to catch up. I hadn't bought groceries in who knows how long, living off of take out, and the dust bunnies were threatening to take over. It felt good to be productive for the first time in weeks. It took me the rest of the day but I got all of the necessary things done.

Edward was ready to go home by Friday, the doctors wanted to get him out of the hospital as soon as possible to minimize his exposure to viruses and bacteria. I had spent the majority of my days at the hospital at the beginning of the week, but as Monday approached, my first day of classes; I recognized I needed to prepare myself. I would divide my time and spend most of my day at the hospital but leave by early afternoon.

He has not approached any conversation, though we had very little time alone, about where we stood or his feelings on me consenting for his surgery, so I took it as I had thought - that he wants to remain friends, and nothing more.

Emmett was helping Edward into his Jeep at the hospital discharge bay. I had a stack of cards and pictures in my arms that he had received over the course of his stay. Edward was still very weak, but could manage a few steps on his own. A nurse was scheduled to come to his apartment everyday to check on his progress for the first week and then he would start outpatient therapy.

When we arrived at his apartment building my nerves went in to overdrive the same way they had a few weeks back. In all that time, not much had been sorted out between us, I felt like I was cruising on autopilot, only vaguely aware of what was passing on either side of me – so focused on Edward's recovery.

Rosalie put the key in the door and pushed it open. She turned to me as Emmett wheeled Edward in, having borrowed a wheelchair from the hospital. "Bella, did you ever stay here?" I looked at her with wide, surprised eyes. Edward looked between us, confused. I quickly shook my head no as I pushed past them to put the bundle of items in my arms on the counter. Emmett managed to carry Edward up the stairs to his bed and Rosalie got him settled in. I lingered in the kitchen, afraid to explore any further, afraid I might split apart at the seams. It was bad enough imagining being here without Edward, now to be here with him, but have none of the meaning present was dreadful, incomprehensible.

Rosalie and Emmett came down the stairs smiling, obviously happy to have their brother home. "Would you like a ride home Bella or are you going to hang out?" Rosalie asked then winked at me, I looked back indecisively. "No, I'm not going to stay long, but you guys go ahead. I'm fine taking the train." I said waving my hand nonchalantly, as my insides were tightening into even further knots. They said their goodbyes and I was left standing in the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Every ounce of me wanted to go upstairs and talk with Edward, to really talk, but just as much of me knew that this may be the end of my time with him, that he may finally cast me away for good.

"Bella?" He called softly from upstairs, pulling me out of my melancholy. His sweet voice dredging up too many emotions to deal with, so I did what I had been doing, I pushed them away, to be dealt with when I was alone and didn't have to put on a facade.

"Yes, coming." I called back as I walked towards the staircase and slowly up to his bedroom. When I arrived at the top, the memories hit me full force. Thankfully Edward's eyes were closed so he couldn't see me clutching at my chest.

He slowly turned his head, possibly hearing my labored breathing. "Hi," with a breathtaking smile. I smiled back weakly.

"Bella, are you okay? You look peaked. Come over here." He motioned from his plateau of pillows that he was leaning against. I closed the small distance to the edge of the bed and tentatively sat down. He took my hand in his and made small circles on the back with him thumb. It was unbearable.

Let's get this over with. "I have some of your CD's and things from my place, I will bring them by tomorrow." I said softly as I stared at our entwined hands.

"Don't."

I was confused by his response. "Don't you want them back? I really haven't listen to them," with a furrowed brow as I studied his handsome face.

"No I don't. I want them to stay right where they are. I may want to listen to them when I come over." He smiled.

I truly believed I could do this, be his friend, nothing more. But every inch of my brain was telling me to run, to preserve myself while I still could, while there was even a little tiny bit left of my heart to hang onto.

"Edward…I can't." I murmured trying to pull away from him but he tightened his grip.

"Bella, I need to tell you something." He held up a hand as I opened my mouth to protest. "I know it may not change anything, but I have been given a second chance thanks to you and I am not going to ruin this heart, which I so undeservedly received, like I did the last one." He searched my face with his beautiful green eyes for comprehension, but I had none to give at that point, so he continued.

"It may be too late, you may have already moved on like I had hoped for you, but you need to know that I am still desperately, madly in love with you. I always have been, since the first night in the coffee shop, and I always will be." His words were coming out rapid now, like if he didn't get them all out, they would disappear. I sat there in stunned silence, disbelieving.

"You are the _only_ reason I am here, alive, and I have been a fool for far too long. I was so utterly damaged and broken before you came along, but you healed me, even with a sick heart, I was whole. And I threw that away, I was foolish and prideful and stubborn. I couldn't see what was truly right and wrong, just my own version of it." He was gripping my hand even tighter now as he gazed intently into my eyes. My brain was swirling with too many thoughts, that this was a cruel joke. He may miss me now, but what happens the next time he gets overwhelmed, or something goes wrong.

"Bella," he reached over with some obvious strain and tried to take my other hand in his. I held up a finger to him. I saw where this was going, he was grateful I had signed for the surgery and his emotions were leading him to believe he still loved me. "Edward, stop." I said abruptly. He looked back at me with wide eyes. "You don't need to continue. You don't _owe_ me anything. We have made our peace and it's in the past. I was more than happy to consent for your surgery. I never wanted to see you sick," _because I am still unequivocally in love with you_, but I left that part out.

His eyes took on a glazed quality as he processed my words. "Oh, I see…you _have _moved on. Well that is understandable and quite fair considering what I put you through." I looked back at him with an incredulous scowl. "I haven't moved on, far from it." I murmured under my breath to myself, but of course he caught it in the silence of his apartment.

His eyes changed, brightening. "Bella, I need you to understand what I was thinking, even if it was entirely wrong. That Saturday, when you came home from shopping with Alice, I had been in to see my cardiologist for the umpteenth time. All of those extra hours as work, I wasn't working - I was having tests run. On that day, he discovered that my heart was much worse off than he had originally thought, possibly irreparable. He told me I needed to be check into the hospital the next day for observation. They were going to try a course of drugs to try to repair the heart muscle, but as we now know, it was futile." He reached up his hand to my cheek and stroked it gently sending a chill through me. I fought hard to not lean into his touch.

"When I was sick when I was young, it was incredibly difficult on my family. And working at the hospital, I have seen what prolonged illness does to the patient's loved ones. My parents and sister spent countless weeks trapped at my bedside; it was horrible for them, even though they would never say it. Never knowing if I would live or die. I didn't want that for you. I knew you would stay by my side, no matter my course of treatment, even if I didn't survive long. I couldn't let you do that. I love you too much to see you suffer at the hands of my failing body. I decided that day, on my way to your apartment, that if I could get you to move on, then you would have a better life without me."

I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him that was crazy, I never wanted a life without him, no matter how short our time was, but he stopped me. "I know what I said to you, that I didn't want you, was the darkest kind of blasphemy, it's unforgivable. As if I could ever_not_ want you, not _need _you."

He took a swift breath in as I hung on his words, hoping. "What I_wasn't_ prepared for was your reaction. I thought I would have to beg and plead with you to get you to understand why I needed my space. That you would fight me all night long, I was prepared for that. But, the way that you accepted my words, so easily, like I had never showed or told you I loved you all those hundreds of times."

He paused for several long moments, probing my face with his gaze. "You don't believe me do you?" I didn't answer, averting my eyes, unsure of what my words would be. I was so uncertain of _everything_ at this point. "Why do you so easily believe a lie, but not the truth?"

I looked back up to stare into the depth of his green eyes, searching for his truth, searching for answers, I couldn't find them, I only knew my truth. "It never made sense - for you to love me. A piece of me knew that then, and I know it now." My voice was weak and soft at my painful admission. His eyes showed his shock at my words. I needed to know something else before I could determine my feelings. "So, what I still don't understand it why you refused the transplant? Were you too afraid?"

He shook his head, his brows knit together at my comments. "When I made the decision to end it between us, I had intended to check myself into the hospital the next day and begin treatment. All the while hoping you would move on and be happy with someone else, for a long happy life, like you deserved. But when I saw in your eyes that you believed me, so easily, it meant to me that you didn't truly loved me the way I had thought. That all we shared had been a dream, a sweet, wonderful dream that was so effortlessly over. I didn't want to live in a world where that dream was not real, in a world where your love did not exist. It was too harsh of a reality."

Anger was rising up in me, "so you decided to _let_ yourself _die_ at the ripe old age of twenty-six!" I yelled ripping my hands from his and throwing them up in the air in frustration. "I am _not_ that important!"

He was shocked at my reaction, but calmed himself quickly, seeming to understand that he deserved the brunt of my incense. He hung his head as he waiting for my breathing to calm. Once it had, he gathered my hands up in his again, "Bella, yes you are. You are vital to my existence; I just didn't realize it until I was stupid enough to let you go. Even with a new heart, I am not mended without your love, you are the _only_ thing that can save me, make me whole, regardless of the state of my organs. Could you find it in your heart to try to forgive me for all of the horrible things I did to you? To possibly give me another chance to prove my love to you; so maybe, someday you could return that love." He eyes were glistening with tears.

I let out a big huff of air. "Edward, that's absurd! I have _never stopped _loving you and I _never will_!" His eyes brightened at my words. He pulled me with as much force as his weak body could muster almost top of him, grabbing my face firmly between his hands and kissed me. He kissed me with as much passion as we exchanged when we had made love. I felt it in my toes, my stomach, my head, my heart; every inch of me felt his lips zealously molded to mine. His sweet breath consumed me, filling my body up. His strong arms made me feel safe and whole like I hadn't in months. I felt all of his love for me pour through. When we finally broke apart we were both breathless.

I searched his eyes, which were wet with tears. "Oh," the certainty of the realization surprised me, "you _do_ love me." I felt a smile grow on my heated lips as I brought a finger up to them.

"Yes!" He exclaimed pulling me tighter to him, "that is what I have been trying to tell you. I love you Isabella. I always have and I always will."

"I love you too Edward." I smiled against his shoulder, careful to not put pressure on his chest. We snuggled close for several minutes, basking in the inner-peace we had just provided one another.

He finally broke through the silence of our reflections. "Bella, if you really didn't believe I loved you anymore, that I didn't want any of this, why did you stay at my bedside for the last two weeks?" His brows knitted together.

"Because I still loved _you_, and even if you didn't return that love, I still wanted you in my life. I wasn't about to let you die. As soon as I saw you in that hospital bed, all plugged in, I signed the papers." I said firmly, not a hint of apology in my voice.

He smiled back at me. My face was set in determination. "For once I am glad you are so stubborn, otherwise, I would have missed out on this." He said pulled me to him for another heated kiss.


	16. Bliss

**Chapter 15: Bliss**

We spent the remained of the day in each other's arms. It was difficult for him to move around, but he was getting antsy just lying bed. I went to the kitchen to prepare some dinner, then arranged it on a tray and brought it upstairs for us to eat in bed. When I got up there, Edward was laboring with a painful expression to get himself sitting upright.

"Edward!" I put the tray down immediately on the side table and went to him. "You could have just called me, I would have helped you," as I supported him so he could sit.

"I really want to take a shower. I can't remember the last time I did. And while receiving sponge baths from a nurse sounds romantic, it's not!" He scowled.

"Why don't you eat some dinner first and then I will help you get cleaned up, okay?" I replied as I propped up the pillows behind him. He conceded and leaned back again. We ate our grilled cheese and soup while watching television, the comfortable silence had returned again, like we hadn't missed a beat. A small part of my brain was yelling at me to be more cautious, that if he left once, no matter how stupid the reason, then he would do it again, if he thought he was protecting me. But, frankly, I didn't have it in my heart to listen to that piece of grey matter. I was entirely too happy believing he would never leave me again.

Once we were done eating I collected our dishes onto the tray. "You. Stay. I will be right back." I pointed at him. He smiled, grabbed my finger and kissed it. Then released me so I could go downstairs.

When I came back up he was in the same spot looking annoyed that he couldn't get himself out of bed. I bent over and grabbed both of his legs to help him swing them to the side of the bed. Then I ducked my head under his arm and assisted him while he stood up. Any use of his torso caused him a great deal of discomfort. Considering they had to saw down the middle of his chest, literally, and then wire his ribcage shut again, it's no wonder. We slowly hobbled into the bathroom where I leaned him against the counter. I turned the shower on to allow enough time for it to get hot and steamy. He wasn't allowed to take a bath yet, not while he still had the staples in the incision. They came out in a few days.

I very gently pulled his shirt over his head as he grimaced slightly. His beautiful chest was maimed from the still raw cut down the center, presumably directly over the previous one. I tentatively leaned over and kissed it, letting him know it didn't matter, as long as he was with me, as long as his heart was fixed. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling him to his warm body. How I missed the comfort of his embrace. I could have gotten lost in it, but the water was still running and quickly filling the room up with steam.

I pushed his flannel pants and boxers down to the floor and helped him to walk over to the shower. I wanted to pretend there was nothing sexual about helping him this way, when he was in so much pain, but it was beyond my ability to gaze upon Edward's magnificent naked form and not have those thoughts. "Aren't you joining me?" He asked surprised.

I looked at him then to the steaming shower. "I don't know if that's the best idea," as my cheeks flushed - _because I really want to jump your bones right now, _I edited.

"What if I get weak and need your support?" He smiled wickedly. Well, I can't argue there. I swiftly peeled off my t-shirt, shorts, bra and underwear and opened the glass door to help him in.

Once inside it was obvious how good it felt to him, I could only imagine. His eyes were closed as the hot water beat on his back, washing away all of the weeks of hospital grime. I reached around him and grabbed the bath sponge off of the hook, covered it with my freesia shower gel which was still there. I lathered the sponge up and washed myself. When I was through I very gently began washing him. He kept his eyes closed, but rested his hands on my shoulders. I glided the sponge over his sculpted shoulders to his abs, careful to avoid the middle of his torso, down his strong arms. I moved around him to his back, then his glorious rear, down his legs.

It shouldn't have been a sensual act, given his state, but to me, it was as if we were making love. This act was only done when someone was entirely vulnerable – and only by someone that loved them. My core was wound tight like a spring. When I came back around to the front of him, I noticed, from a change in his physical state, that he felt the same thing.

I fought an internal hunger to reach out and take him in my hand. I bit my lip to push back the urge. That was not what his brand new heart needed right now, a work out. But in my lust-clouded indecision, he grabbed my face and pulled it to him in a deep, passionate kiss. Our bodies coming together, I felt the staples on his incision against my chest. He took my hand from his waist and led it to his arousal. My fingers eagerly wrapped around him as he released a moan into my mouth. A surge of life went through me, reminding me how wonderful it felt to make him respond to me that way.

His hands were knotted in my hair as he gently pushed me against the cold tiled wall. I yelped a little on contact. "Edward." I murmured into his mouth, "do you really think this is the best idea for your heart?"

He pulled back, but still held my face delicately in his hands, like it was made of porcelain, "I don't care…I have gone far too long not touching you, tasting you, make you call out my name." A chill ran through me at his forwardness, so unlike the reserved Edward I had met long ago – no doubt the change was from every inch of those painful walls being eradicated, finally. Our hearts and souls were as exposed as our skin.

His hand was trailing down to cup my breast as I released a gasp of pleasure. "I don't care if it slows my progress, I need to be with you, now." The smolder in his green eyes could have started a forest fire. I couldn't say no, he was the doctor after all. So, we got out of the shower, hoppled to the bed and got in sopping wet. We made slow, beautiful love, just like we did that first night so many months ago. He whispered loving words of affection as he did just as he had wanted, made me call out his name. Sweeter words have never crossed my lips.

The morning came and brought a hope with it I hadn't felt in a long time. I rolled over to see Edward still asleep, his hair extra tousled from going to bed with it wet. While he continued sleeping, I crept out of bed, threw on his t-shirt and went down to the kitchen to make coffee and some breakfast. Alice and Jasper had thankfully brought some groceries over the day before we got home, so I started pulling items out of the fridge. I cut up some fresh fruit and arranged it on a plate. Then turned the coffee pot on, the aroma quickly filling the kitchen and sending another wave of blissfulness through me. I cooked up a few eggs with toast and arranged everything on a tray.

I carried it all upstairs and set it next to the bed. Edward was still sound asleep so I carefully got back under the covers, putting my mug of coffee on the nightstand. I lay on my side for a long time, just staring at him. God, how I loved to watch him sleep. My heart and breaths finding his familiar rhythms. I wondered if my heart could sense his was different.

As I looked at him and his perfect features, his lungs steadily inhaling and exhaling, and his new heart beating strong, I realized that something had changed, that _I_ had changed. Even though it seemed illogical, for all that he had put me through, I recognized now that he did it out of love for me. And now, if it was possible, I loved him more. My sense of doubt was gone, my insecurities erased. I knew he loved me with everything in him, I only hoped he wouldn't try to pull another stunt like leaving me for my own good, which almost killed me and him.

Edward stirred awake, as I was deep in reflection. My eyes were trained upon him, but I wasn't looked at him. He reached out and stroked my cheek, sending warmth quickly through me as my eyes focused on him.

"What are you thinking about so intently, love?"

"You, of course." I smiled.

"Are they good thoughts, I hope?"

I paused, having to put it into words. "Yes, a revelation of you could call it." I smiled lovingly.

He searched my eyes for understanding before he spoke. "What did this revelation tell you?" His fingers were lingering down my bare arm, creating chills.

"That I love you more now than I did before." I said simply. "That although you were an enormous fool," I smiled, "you would never leave me again. We are too vital to each other's survival. I would not exist without you, I didn't." I saw the pain flash across his face at my last statement.

He reached out further and pulled me closer to him. I wiggled myself over so he could embrace me close to his chest as we lay on our sides. "Bella, I will be _never_ leave you again. I don't make the same mistakes twice, and that was certainly the _biggest_ mistake of my life. I love you more than I thought possible and it took me being a complete idiot and almost dying to recognize that." When I looked into his eyes, they were filled with tears, as were mine. I reached up and wiped them away then kissed him gently. He rolled over, with a groan of discomfort, and reached into his night side table. When he rolled back - he had excitement in his green eyes - they were dancing. He pushed himself up, slowly, with my help. I looked at him in confusion.

"I imagined doing this more properly, the right way, but I think that matters less now, than actually asking it." I could see he had something tucked in his left hand. It was clenched closed. He took my hands in his other hand and gazed so deeply into my eyes, I thought he was searching for my soul. When he spoke, his words were thick with emotions. "Isabella Marie Swan, I will love you forever, every day of forever, will you marry me?" As he said the words he opened his palm to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

My hand instinctively covered my mouth as I gasped in shock. I stared at the ring in his hand, then back to his expectant face. "Edward…we don't need to rush, I'm not going anywhere." I replied as the lump grew in my throat.

"I know you aren't Bella, but I had a long time to think about things while I was in the hospital and I promised myself that if you ever granted me another chance to love you, I would do it without reservations or walls up, and I would do it for the rest of my life. I want that life to start as soon as possible, because I am only truly alive with you by my side."

I knew what my answer was. I don't know why I didn't just blurt it out. Maybe my revelation was not as certain as I had thought. Or maybe it was, and I was just being my over analytical self. Thinking of my parent's failed marriage and how I had been raised to dread the institution. But, my _heart_ was screaming at me, and for once I let it win out over my head.

"Yes." I answered with certainty. "Yes, I will marry you Edward Anthony Masen." I beamed at him with as the tears trailed down my cheek. He studied my eyes for moment, I nodded my head as he located my left ring finger and slid the ring on with a breathtaking smile on his face. I finally pulled my eyes away from his beautiful face and let them take in the ring on my finger. It a round diamond set in platinum with a delicate band that had flowers and scrolls up it, there were small diamonds all along the band and on the sides. It looked like an antique. It was more beautiful than anything I ever could have imagined for myself.

"Edward, this is beautiful, just perfect. When did you buy this?" I asked as I gazed at it on my hand then up to his face, which was beaming.

"I didn't. It was my mother's." He smiled sweetly, sadly. "Obviously I have had it for a long time, and had never once pulled it out, until recently, until I met you. Then I looked at it almost everyday, knowing one day, if you would have me, I would make you my wife."

All I could do in response was throw my arms around him, hold him tight, and once again be thankful for my beautiful savior.


	17. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

I stood at the altar, fidgeting with the cufflinks on my starched white shirt. I tugged on the front of my jacket to straighten the black lapels of my tuxedo. This was the very altar that nearly ten years ago, I said goodbye to my parents. The pain didn't consume be like it used to. Now I could remember them, and recall the fond memories, instead of just the once unrelenting despair of their lose. Since meeting Bella, my heart had healed in more ways than one.

This, thankfully, was a happier day, a happier occasion. I was marrying my love, my Bella. From the moment she came into my life on that blustery winter night, she was all that mattered. My decisions concerning her were… far from perpetually correct, but were always made with thought, and the utmost love for her. I planned to spend the rest of my hopefully long life showing her how sorry I was for leaving her and proving to her just how vital she is to my existence. From the minute the surgeon took my cooled body off of the by-pass machine, the second that my blood passed through this new heart, at the time the heart of a stranger, the mysterious electrical charge of the cardiac cells causing the muscle to beat, it has belonged to Bella. It will always be hers.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jasper and Emmett goofing off. I turned and shot them a disapproving look. They quickly calmed. I chuckled lightly, which made them relax again. Apparently, they remember all too easily the old Edward, the one that never laughed, or smiled, or joked - who took life far too seriously. I was such a miserable stiff then. Thank goodness for my angel.

Emmett raised his big hand and slapped me on the back, making me smile at his ever- present enthusiasm. Jasper gave me a coy smile easing my nervousness. I noticed the gleam of Jasper's newly anointed wedding band. He and Alice married last month in Rockford. The reception was in her parents' backyard. It was beautiful. Just past Jasper stood Angela's fiancée Ben.

I let me mind wander again as I waited for my love to appear at the end of the aisle, the only person I cared about seeing today. I peered around the ancient cathedral, now decorated with white and blue flowers and ribbons, marking the happy occasion. My parents, sister and I used to come here for holiday services. I was baptized and my parents were married here. Up until now, it had not been a happy place to remember. The last moments I had spent in it had been too painful. Bella insisted on this church for our wedding reasoning that we needed to create new, happy memories here. She said it was far too beautiful a structure to never visit again. She once again, for the thousandth time since I had met her, amazed me - her strength and perspective.

I scanned the crowd and saw Carlisle and Esme taking their seats. I gave them a small wave. Carlisle had become a mentor of sorts for my career. Before he moved into general practice medicine, he was specialized in surgery. He still kept in touch with many contacts from his hospital days and had been helping me network for when my residency was finished next year. I continued looking around the crowd and noticed many smiling faces I hadn't seen in a long time, friends of my parents.

Baby Lizzie was sitting with Emmett's parents. My niece was a little angel, round cheek and knees with bleach, blond hair and her daddy's curls. Rose dressed her in a blue dress the same shade as the bridesmaids' dresses. It matched her eyes perfectly - the same as her mother's.

As difficult and trying as my illness and transplant had been, the one positive result was that my sister and I were closer that we had ever been. We were truly as we should have been all long, but were both too screwed up to see it - that we needed one another and loved each other, always had, just didn't know how to move past our grief.

I was quickly snapped out of my reverie as I heard the organist make the change in her piece to Pachelbel Canon in D. My gaze focused on the large oak doors at the end of the white linen-lined aisle. Renee had her arm around Phil's as they began their walk. Next came Angela, Rosalie then finally Alice, the maid of honor. I knew my angel wasn't far behind. I felt my pulse quicken in anticipation of this day finally being here, August thirteenth. The last year I had spent in a Bella induced- bliss, and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life in the same state. It was glorious.

A huge grin came across my face as flashes of our recent news filled me with even further excitement. Bella found out two days ago that she was pregnant. It was not planned, though I can't say we were that thorough in preventing it, hardly ever able to keep our hands off of each other. From the moment we got engaged, we knew we wanted to try to have children right away. This just speeds up our timetable a little.

We decided to refrain from telling anyone yet, not wanting to take away from today. She is due in the end of May which works our perfectly for her school. She will just be finishing her Masters program. She said she could take a year off and then go back to finish her Ph.D. program. After years of believing I wouldn't find a companion, that I didn't deserve to be loved, I was blessed with Bella, and now our baby. Everything was better than I ever dreamed it would be. I have no idea how I survived all of those years with out her - she is the source for all of the joy in my life.

My attention was brought once again to the back of the church as the organist transitioned to the Wedding March. I focused my gaze and saw my angel on Charlie's arm. She was stunning. Her dress was strapless and straight, hugging her womanly curves, with a lace overlay and a small train. She had a delicate blue ribbon around her waist. Her hair was half pulled up, I'm sure the handy-work of Alice, with fine tendrils of ringlets framing her heart-shaped face. She took my breath away, my knees felt weak beneath me causing me to sway slightly. A strong hand steadied me by my shoulder. I quickly glanced to my side - silently thanking my brother-in-law for both his physical and emotional support.

Charlie and Bella completed the descent down the long aisle. As he arrived, he and I shook hands as he handed his one and only daughter's hand to me.

"You take care of my little girl." Charlie said sternly. Bella scowled at him.

"You have my word, Sir. I will love her with all my heart." I replied solemnly while gazing at Bella.

He kissed her cheek before he retreated to sit next to his ex-wife. I felt my hands shaking with excitement, but then mine entwined with Bella's. My enamored stare locked on hers, all I saw was love and devotion in those deep brown pools. She wasn't nervous at in the least. I fed off of her indescribable strength - steadying myself.

As the priest began addressing the guest, I leaned over and whispered. "Are you ready to become Mrs. Masen, make that baby of ours official?" My tone playful, but full of the immense love that I felt for her. She shivered as a chill ran down her spine.

She turned to me, a huge smile on her glorious face. My heart sped up at the sight as her beautiful, full lips parted to reply, "never been more."

* * *

_A/N: Again, thank you to everyone for the overwhelming number of reviews and support for this story. It was great fun! I'm so glad you liked my "human" version of Bella and Edward's love story. There is talk (in my own head) of a sequel. Nothing is for sure, but please stayed tuned. I am going to start it and I'll just have to see how far I get. Thanks again!! Newfoundlove. _


	18. Author's Note: Sequel

A/N: It was suggested by a reader, and sorry I didn't do this before, that I put this little note in to let you know that I have started posting the sequel to A Heart's Savior called A Life Stolen. If you liked the first story please check out the next challenge in Bella and Edward's human life together and let me know what you think. As always, thank you to all of my readers, even if you don't review, I know I don't always, for all of the support. It has been an unbelievable amount of fun so far and a great creative release.

Newfoundlove


	19. Author's Note Nominated!

Hi All,

Just a friendly note to let you know that A Heart's Savior has been nominated for TWO awards at

twilightawards at this-paradise dot com!! They are the "Best POV" and "Best Ending categories".

I am so completely flattered and blown away by this and if you agree with these nominations (and I will be the first to admit I am up against some stiff competition, some of my favs.) please take a minute to vote. If nothing else, check out the nominees!!

Thanks again for all of the support, and if you are reading the sequel to AHS, A Life Stolen, I apologize for the delay in updating. I will be posting this weekend and I hope it's worth your wait (B&E are making babies!!)

Newfoundlove


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